


Love Me, Ryuu

by Nishinoya4Yuu



Series: Ryuu & Yuu [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Domestic TanaNoya, Happy Ending, High School, It takes them so long to get together, M/M, Masturbation, Multi-year story, Oral Sex, Pining, Post Graduation, Side DaiSuga and IwaOi if you wanna read it that way., Some Fluff, TanaNoya Hell, Tanaka and Noya being bros, The TanaTora is very brief., This is a TanaNoya story so don't expec the other relationships to end happy, auralism, name kink, national team
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-01-26 17:38:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 46,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12562664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nishinoya4Yuu/pseuds/Nishinoya4Yuu
Summary: It didn't happen all at once, but one day Noya realized he couldn't stop looking at his best friend and wondering what it would be like to have more.The only problem is just when he's getting up the courage to confess, Tanaka gets a boyfriend. And it's not him.So Noya tries to make do with what he's got. It's a long, hard lesson to learn: You should never settle.





	1. Ryuu

**Author's Note:**

> In case you missed the tag, this is a TanaNoya story, so the other relationships are stepping stones along the way. If you're looking for AsaNoya, TanaTora or TanaKiyo this story isn't what you're looking for. 
> 
> This is Noya's side of the story. You can find Ryuu's side of the story, It was Always Yuu, at:  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/12150849/chapters/27571740
> 
> You can read this one first or they both stand alone just fine. My recommended reading order, however, is It was Always Yuu, and then Love Me, Ryuu.

April 2012

Nishinoya was excited about his first day with his High School Volleyball Team. The people in the gym up ahead would be his team mates for the year. If there were other 1st years they'd be his teammates for all of high school. If he was lucky, some of them would be his friends. 

As he walked up to the gym he saw a boy with silver hair and another who looked older with short black hair standing in the doorway peeking in. He heard a loud voice inside that if he wasn't mistaken, just said “Will you marry me?!” What the hell was going on? 

He walked up next to the two boys looking in the gym and popped his head in as well. He saw a pretty girl saying “Nope” to a boy with bleached blonde hair and an angry face. The boy seemed instantly broken at her response. Well then! This'll be an interesting few years! 

Noya followed the other two boys into the gym and then spotted who he assumed were the other first years sitting over by the wall. The bleach blonde kid was there too, so Noya went over and sat down next to him. “Hey! I saw you just got turned down, tough luck, man!” 

The boy glared at Noya as he looked him up and down. Noya wasn't sure if he passed the test or not, but the boy just turned back to look across the gym at the girl and said, “She's perfect. I have to protect her.” 

Noya raised an eyebrow in confusion, this guy was intense, and kinda weird. But whatever, that could be fun! And she was pretty so he blurted out, in the interest of friendship, “I'll help!” 

The tough looking boy turned back over to him and eyed him up and down again and then gruffly spat out, “How? You're too tiny to protect anybody. Just stay out of my way.” 

That was all it took to set Noya off. Who the hell did this guy think he was? Not only did the accusation that he couldn't protect anybody sting, being called tiny was just a slap across the face. He might be small, but he still had muscle. Noya dove straight at the boy, fists flying. 

He latched onto the kid and screamed “YOU LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND SAY THAT TO ME!!” He landed a punch in the other kids gut before he had time to react. Noya noticed the shock spread across the kids face but it didn't stop him. “I'M NOT TINY YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!” He screamed. 

Strong arms pulled Noya off the blonde kid but Noya just kept fighting to get out of their grip. He felt another set of hands wrap around him and try to clamp him down. He glared at the blonde guy who looked like all the fight had left him the moment Noya lashed out. 

Noya was really truly angry now and he always got a little quieter when that happened. He spat out, “Who the hell do you think you are to say that to me?” His large eyes were narrowed to slits as he glared at the boy. 

“That's enough!” A voice yelled and Noya was pulled out of his fight by an old man stepping between him and his target. The gray-haired man was muscular, and he crossed his arms as he looked at Noya and said, “So you're Chidoriyama's Nishinoya?” 

The Noya strained to take the venom out of his voice as he answered, “Yeah. I'm Noya.” 

The old man laughed and said, “Good! Now if I ever catch you fighting with a teammate like that again, you're off my team! I only came out of retirement because I heard the Crows were getting a good player. I'm not dealing with that crap, got it?” 

The arms that had been holding Noya back released him and he turned to see the silver haired boy and the black haired one he'd met in the doorway earlier. The silver haired boy said “Chidoriyama? That's a powerhouse, right Daichi?” He turned to the other boy. 

Daichi answered, “Yeah, it's up there with Kitta Ichi and Shiratorizawa. Did you know we were getting somebody from there, Suga?” 

Suga shook his head and looked shocked. Noya took in the looks on all of their faces. It was all around amazement and awe. It felt weird. Sure, he'd won the Best Libero Award last year but Chidoriyama was just one of several powerhouse schools, it wasn't a big deal, right? 

The bleach blonde kid was staring at him and then cleared his throat and said, “Best Libero....” the awe was clear from his voice. Noya wasn't really sure how to respond. 

A kid with sleek black hair sitting with the other 1st years spoke up, “My school had to play them in round 2 of the Spring High. They were really good. The few balls we did get past their blockers....that guy picked them all up,” he nodded to Noya. 

Noya racked his brain, but honestly couldn't remember playing against the other kid. He felt the need to say something, anything. Did he need to defend himself? Explain himself? “I um...yeah. That's me...” was all he could come up with. 

“Well then, Nishinoya, you've dragged me out of retirement, so let's get this show on the road. I'm Ukai. I'm your Coach. Get ready for Nationals boys! Alright, 1st years, line up and introduce yourselves!” 

Noya found himself going first because it was already out in the open. “Nishinoya Yuu! Libero!” he yelled as he bowed to the senpai. 

The bleached blonde kid stepped forward next to him and bowed yelling “Tanaka Ryuunosuke! Wing Spiker!” 

Noya looked at him out of the corner of his eye. He was obviously trying to look tough, but now that he was talking he didn't look tough at all. He seemed like he might be an alright guy. Assuming he apologized, Noya thought. 

Noya found himself on a team with a kid named Narita and that Tanaka guy for a 3 on 3 that the Coach was having them do so he could assess their skills. Noya knew it was his time to shine. He called to his new teammates. “Hey! You guys just leave the receives to me! I've got your backs!” Then he thought for a second and realized he couldn't pass up the opportunity. He yelled, “Hey! Tanaka! I'll be protecting this part of the court, got it?” He grinned and waited for Tanaka's response. 

Tanaka had the faintest smile on his face as he said “Sure thing!” He didn't even look back at Noya as the game started. Noya noticed that Tanaka was a good player. He was fierce and intimidating. A team with a spiker like him and a libero like Noya was bound to go well. They won easily. 

Tanaka made two fists and held them up in the air in front of him as he yelled “ALRIGHT!!!” Noya smiled as he watched him and thought that he actually might be the kinda person he wanted to be friends with. 

Noya jumped at him with his hands up for a double high-five. He yelled “Yo! Tanaka!” to get his attention. Tanaka looked at him and then grinned as his hands collided with Noya's for the high five. 

When Noya landed on his feet Tanaka looked down at him and said. “Hey, um....Nishinoya-san...” 

Noya said, “Just Noya's fine.” 

“Um, Noya-san...” 

Noya laughed at this guys insistence on adding the “san” but just let it go. He raised an eyebrow and questioned, “Yeah? Tanaka?” 

“Um...Ryuu's fine. So I was thinking you could probably join my Protection Squad for that girl, if you wanted to...” He seemed kinda shy all of a sudden and it struck Noya as hilarious, considering what had happened earlier. 

“Sure thing, man! Count me in, Ryuu!” Noya didn't even need to look, he knew Tanaka was holding out his hand for Noya to slap, and so he did. “I found out for you, her name's Kiyoko. So I guess this is Day 1 of the Kiyoko Protection Squad then?” 

Tanaka yelled “ORYAAAA!!”


	2. Break

August 2012

“I'm boooored,” Noya whined as he fell into step next to Tanaka. They walked down the hill from Karasuno High School and their legs praised the fact it was downhill. Summer break meant a lot of nice things, but a break from volleyball practice and their slave driver Coach wasn't one of them. 

“Dude, practice literally just ended, can't you chill for like 2 seconds?” Tanaka asked as he slowed his pace. “Uggghhhh damn old geezer is gonna kill us. I've never run so much in my life,” he complained as he punched his fist into his right thigh, “Don't die on me.” 

Noya countered, “I don't see what you have to complain about, you didn't just practice rolling receives for 2 hours straight. If I've still got energy you should too!” He added a little extra bounce in his step just to prove his point. 

They reached the foot of the hill and Tanaka nodded towards the small shop there named Sakanoshita. Noya followed him into the little store he'd never been in before. Tanaka said over his shoulder, “You're not even human, are you? And I have plenty to complain about, I can't feel my legs, you asshole! I blame you Noya-san! Demon Coach is only here because of you.” 

The bleach blond shop clerk sitting behind the counter put out his cigarette when they walked in, but didn't spare them a dirty look as he shot out, “Keep it down!” and then went back to his copy of Shonen Jump. 

“This place has good meat buns,” Tanaka explained to Noya as he stepped up to the counter. Noya fell in beside him. 

“All gone, try again tomorrow,” the clerk said, without even looking up for his manga. 

“Well shit...” Tanaka mused, “practice sucked too, I guess it's not my day.” He wandered away from the counter and over to the ice cream cooler instead. When you couldn't have real food, there was always sweets. “Yo, Noya-san, what do you want?” 

“Pear Gari-Gari Kun!” Noya shouted as he popped over next to Ryuu. The clerk just held his finger up to his mouth and let out a loud 'Shhh'. 

Tanaka's eyes went over every visible centimeter of the cooler and came up short, “Don't have it. Looks like just Soda.” Tanaka opened the cooler and dug out a sundae cone for himself and then looked to Noya for approval of the Soda flavored Gari-Gari Kun. 

Noya bounced on the balls of his feet, “I haven't had that flavor before. I guess I'll try it though.” He reached in and grabbed the blue wrapped popsicle. 

Tanaka gave him another strange look. Noya realized he was getting a lot of those these days. “How have you not had...? Dude, it's the most common flavor! You know what, never mind, fucking weirdo.” He slid closed the freezer door and went back to the counter to check out. 

Noya set his popsicle down too and reached for his wallet but Tanaka had already paid. “Oh, Thanks! And I don't know. It seemed so ordinary. I always just picked whatever was different first. Who wants the generic flavor?” 

The clerk picked his manga back up and went back to reading it while commenting, “If you're sticking around, keep it down, all right? Don't cause a ruckus.” He lifted his feet up and set them on the counter as he leaned back in his chair. 

Noya and Tanaka walked over to the small table and chairs set up a little away from the counter and sat down to enjoy their ice cream away from the sun. Tanaka moaned as he sat down, “Oh god it feels so good to sit down. We should like....report that Coach for child abuse or something,” he joked. 

Noya narrowed his eyes and said, “Dude, not cool. He just wants the team to be good again, nothing wrong with that.” He ripped open the wrapper of his Gari-Gari Kun and took a huge bite amounting to half of the thing. His eyes lit up as he chewed a few times and swallowed it mostly whole “Holy shit! That's amazing! Why haven't I had this flavor before? Ryuu! How could you let me go so long without this in my life?” He chomped down on the other half and the popsicle was gone in two massive bites. 

Tanaka just stared at him, “Dude, you're a freak.” He took a bite of his ice cream cone and then pointed out, “I was just kidding about Coach. It's just rough. I mean, I'm not opposed to hard work and all that, but I do like to be able to feel my legs once in a while. That'd be nice.” 

The clerk called over, “You guys on the volleyball team? Who's the Coach these days?” He didn't look up from his manga even as he tried to hold a conversation. 

Tanaka answered, “Yeah, and Coach Ukai's in charge, I guess he used to be the Coach a while ago, but he's back from retirement special for this asshole,” he gestured over to Noya. 

“Ukai, eh? Yeah, he was Coach back in my day. Massive dick. He benched his own grandson in his 3rd year. Oh well. Team was pretty good though,” The clerk flipped a page in his manga and then laughed at whatever was on the page. 

Noya said, “That sucks, but he must not have been good enough. I'm sure he wouldn't have benched him without a reason. Coach Ukai seems pretty fair to me.” Noya put his elbows up on the table and rested his chin in his palm and watched Tanaka eating. 

The store clerk mumbled but left it at that and Tanaka let the conversation die in favor of his ice cream. Noya's eyes focused on him as he licked some of the ice cream off the cone and then off his lips. Ryuu noticed and it made him self conscious, “What?” He swiped his sleeve across his mouth, “Is it still there?” 

Noya grinned, “Nah, it's gone now.” He stood up and walked around the store looking for something else to snack on in an effort to not make Ryuu uncomfortable. And what was that anyway? He'd been finding himself just starting at Ryuu a lot lately and he wasn't really sure why. He kinda just had trouble taking his eyes off him, which was weird, right?

He grabbed a bag of chips off the rack and then headed back to the counter. There was a woman and her kid already checking out as he got close. The woman was apologizing and as he got closer Noya could hear what was going on. 

The woman bowed several times and said “I'm sorry, I must have miscounted. Could you take off the candy and um....” she looked at the pile and said, “the milk?” She then leaned down and said to the child, “Ken-chan, be a good boy for mommy and put the candy back, alright? We'll get you some another time, okay?” The kid didn't throw any hysterics which made Noya wonder if maybe he was used to this. 

What Noya saw next made his breath catch in his throat. Ryuu walked over and opened his wallet and asked the clerk how much the milk and candy was and when he got the response he carefully counted out the amount and set it in the tray on the counter. He didn't say anything else, just bowed and walked back to the table to grab his backpack. He called over, “You ready, Noya-san?” 

Noya startled out of his trance and called, “Yeah, just let me buy this, I'll be there in a second!” If he'd been paying better attention he'd have realized his yelling didn't elicit a glare or admonishment from the clerk this time. 

The woman called after him “Thank you so much!” as she grabbed her bag and tried to usher her child out of the store quickly. It looked like she was trying to catch Tanaka. 

Noya shelled out the money for his chips and then grabbed his bag from the table and ran after Ryuu. He found that Ryuu was alone when he got outside and so he asked, “What was that all about?” He pulled open his bag of chips and started munching on them as he fell into step next to Tanaka. 

“No biggie. I had the money, she needed it. It wasn't much, but she kept thanking me like I was some fucking knight in shining armor or something.” Tanaka reached up and rubbed the back of his neck and Noya noticed how red he was. 

Noya chattered between bites of chips, “Well, it was a really nice thing to do. Not everybody would.” He looked up at his friend and couldn't help but wonder why his heart was beating so fast when he did. “Where we goin'?” he asked as he bit his bottom lip and secretly hoped the answer involved them still hanging out and not going their separate ways for the night. 

Tanaka said, “I dunno. I was just headed home. You coming with me?” He grabbed onto the straps of his backpack and shifted the weight and then looked down at Noya. 

Noya's heart stopped for a second when Ryuu's eyes locked onto his but he was quick to recover, “Yeah! Let's go piss off your sister!” He exclaimed and pumped his fist into the air as he jumped up high. 

Tanaka laughed at it occurred to Noya that these days there were few things he liked better than hearing Tanaka laugh. And being the one who caused it was his new favorite hobby. He had had friends in the past, but never like this. Ryuu was just so...right. Like they just made sense together. It had just sort of happened really fast after they met. Noya couldn't remember if he always made friends this fast or if this was just that Tanaka was the kind of guy who really made you feel comfortable after he'd accepted you. 

Noya landed on his feet a few steps ahead of Ryuu and yelled, “Thanks for the popsicle! I think you've just like...opened up a whole new world for me. Soda flavor! Who knew, right?” 

Tanaka grinned and laughed in spite of his idiot friend, “Everybody. Literally everyone knew but you.” He shook his head as his laugh grew louder and filled the silent street. 

Noya wasn't really sure why but he felt really warm inside as he looked up at his friend and silently wished that they'd be friends forever. What a cheesy thing to wish for. He swallowed and licked his lips as he followed Ryuu home.


	3. Christmas Eve

December 2012 

Noya adjusted his school bag on his shoulder as he got close to the Tanaka house. A few weeks ago his friend had invited him over for Christmas Eve. Noya had been understandably confused. Christmas Eve was for couples and dates and stuff, was Tanaka asking him out? 

Tanaka had been quick to explain though, and quash any dreams that might have briefly flitted through Noya's brain. Ryuu had explained how his late mother had spent a year in high school on exchange to America and her host family had celebrated Christmas Eve in a way that really stuck with her. Lots of family, good food, lots of gifts and maybe some singing and games. So in the Tanaka household, “Christmas Eve is for Family,” and they really meant it. Ryuu had warned him there would be some grandparents, and Aunts and Uncles and maybe even a Cousin all visiting. 

Noya took a deep breath in and hoped the few gifts he'd brought would suffice. He'd met Saeko and Hiroshi before, but he wondered what in the world a whole house full of Tanaka's would be like. He'd assumed a lot of things, but what he wasn't fully prepared for was the generosity.

He shuffled through his bag and brought out a small cake he'd brought to contribute to the host and the feast. Noya took a deep breath in and knocked on the door. It was quickly slid open by Saeko. 

“Yo! Merry Christmas Yuu!” She enthused as she leaded against the door frame. She laughed heartily as Noya held the cake out to her. “Yeah, thanks.” She reached out, took the cake in one hand and ruffled his hair with her other while yelling over her shoulder, “Ryuu!! Noya's here!” 

Tanaka came barreling down the stairs and yelled “Noya-san!!” as he went. Saeko made off with the cake and left her baby brother to usher his friend into the house. “Come on in! There's like...a million people here already. Save me,” Ryuu joked as he threw an arm around Noya and pulled him into the house, slamming the door behind them. 

Hiroshi popped his head in from the kitchen and yelled over, “Hey Yuu! Foods almost ready!” Noya slipped off his shoes quickly and put on the slippers Tanaka handed to him. 

Ryuu grinned and motioned to the slippers, “Oh, consider those part 1 of your gift. You're here often enough, figured you should just have some.” He turned towards the kitchen and set off, leaving Noya on his own to ditch his bag. 

Noya looked down at the slippers, taking them in for the first time and considered the red color as a good choice. His mind wouldn't stop nagging him though, so he lifted his foot up behind him so he could see the bottom of the slipper. He knew it was a funny little thing the Tanaka's did, they all had their slippers labeled with permanent marker on the soles. Silly, really, there were only 3 of them living there and they all knew which slippers were theirs. Noya's heart clenched as he read “Noya-san” on the sole of the slipper. Noya muttered to himself, “Christmas Eve is for family....” 

Ryuu peeked into the hall from the kitchen and said, “Yo! You comin' man?” Which Noya took as his cue to snap out of it, drop his bag, and run to the kitchen. He hadn't been fully prepared for the number of people who were all sitting around the table in the kitchen. Looked like at least 10, they were so close it was elbow to elbow. 

Noya spotted the two empty seats next to Saeko and dove right in. He claimed the seat next to Nee-san, and found himself in a Tanaka sandwich, but he figured he would have been wherever he'd sat. Lots of people started introducing themselves and Noya knew he'd never remember them all, but he figured he'd try. 

Tanaka's maternal grandma was there. His mothers sister was there with her husband. Tanaka's father's parents were both there, and so was his brother with his wife and 2 kids. It didn't seem like that many people when you put it like that, but fitting them all around the one table it was really a crowd. “Nishinoya Yuu!!” Noya exclaimed. He tried to make a gesture to point at himself but his elbow hit Saeko and she smacked it away. “Sorry Nee-San!” he yelled and the kitchen filled with laughter. 

Ryuu passed a bowl of corn to him and explained, “Foods mostly American. Did you know they don't actually eat KFC for Christmas? That's what mom always said anyway.” 

Noya took the bowl and pilled some on his plate and then noticing that passing them around seemed to the custom, passed it to Saeko. “Really? Then like...why do we do that?” he laughed. 

Ryuu laughed too, “No idea! But anyway, Mom kinda brought the whole tradition back with her and well...we'll probably always celebrate this way. Family Tradition now.” 

“Yeah,” Noya agreed then after a moment added, “It seems nice though! No need to worry about finding a date for Christmas Eve!” 

“Yeah, Kiyoko was busy when I asked her over tonight so I had to ask you instead,” Ryuu threw out offhandedly. 

Noya reacted in mock offense, and really hoped he was right about it being a joke, “Dude! That's cold. What'd I do to deserve being second choice?” 

Tanaka laughed, “Not have boobs!” He passed a bowl of mashed potatoes to Noya and then admitted, “Though, you're the only one I invited today.” 

Noya took the bowl and was left feeling both relieved and a bit stabbed through the heart. He was Ryuu's only choice today! But the fact that he wasn't a girl meant he'd only ever be Ryuu's choice for stuff as a friend. He scooped a big helping onto his plate and sighed as he passed the bowl off to Saeko. 

She asked, “What's wrong?” as she took her fill of food too. She gave him the side-eye as she waited for a response. 

“Nothing!” he chirped and added a little bounce in his seat for good measure. She didn't seem entirely convinced, but she dropped it. 

A lot of full stomachs later the family all filtered into the living room. Noya sat down on the floor next to Ryuu and waited for whatever came next. Ryuu leaned over and said “Time for presents!” 

“Oh!! Be right back!” Noya shouted as he jumped up and ran to the genkan where he'd dropped his bag. By the time he came back they had already started exchanging gifts and he couldn't believe the size of the pile in front of Ryuu. He snuck back over and sat down and surveyed the pile and said “Wow...guess you don't need mine then!” 

Ryuu laughed but raised an eyebrow and gave Noya a confused look, “Those ones are yours.” He pointed out the fact that there were actually two smaller piles of gifts, not just one large one. 

Noya's mouth dropped open as he realized there were a good 10 gifts sitting in front of him, “But I don't...I...” he was lost for words. 

Ryuu leaned over and bumped his shoulder into Noya's and said, “Doesn't matter, just say 'thanks' and it's all good.” He grabbed one of the gifts and opened it to find 2 CD's and then he yelled across the room, “THANKS NEE-SAN!” Saeko threw a ball of wrapping paper at them in response. 

Noya quickly grabbed what he'd brought out of his bag and then ran over and deposited one of them with Saeko and the other with Tanaka-san. When he joined Ryuu again he pulled out the last one and handed it over, “Merry Christmas, Ryuu.” 

Tanaka dropped what he was opening at the moment and took the gift from Noya. “Thanks!” he said as he opened the gift with what to Noya looked like more care than he'd used with the others. He pulled the blue wrapping apart at the tape and pulled out a small box. He carefully pulled off the lid and found a knit beanie with two pins on the brim. One pin had a star on it and the other was a smiley face. 

Noya watched anxiously for Tanaka's reaction. He'd put a lot of thought into the gift. Tanaka had recently shaved his head and now that it was winter a hat seemed like a nice gift. He'd added the pins to give it that little extra something to make it just right for Tanaka. 

Tanaka grinned as he pulled the hat over his head without wasting much time. “Awesome! Thanks Noya-san!” As he did he noticed something else in the bottom of the box. He pulled out a small handmade booklet. He read the cover out loud, “Coupons For More Awesome Shit All Year Long From Noya” Ryuu laughed, “Wow, that's quite the title. You're a real poet, ya know that?” 

Noya reacted the only appropriate way, and punched him in the arm. “Shut up, asshole.” 

Tanaka continued to laugh as he flipped open the book, and commented, “Who even gives this sort of thing? Isn't this like....a gift for your parents or something? Or your lover?” Noya punched him again. “Alright, sorry, it just caught me off guard. Sooooo what's this sucker buy then?” To make the moment as awkward as possible he read most of them out loud. “You can have the better popsicle flavor,' Ooo that's nice. 'I'll do your homework...use at your own risk.' Ain't that the truth? '500 high fives'...dude....is that even like humanly possible?” 

“Okay, so that ones lame, but I needed to fill a page,” Noya offered as he turned his attention to his own gift. 

“Hey! I'm not letting you off that easy! Oh wow! You'll do the heavy lifting for me!? Nice. Oh! Talk me up to one girl! I'm actually gonna use this one! Dude....what the fuck is Passing Practice THUNDER?!” Ryuu appeared to be enjoying himself and that was honestly good enough for Noya. 

“I think it's pretty obvious! Whatever, laugh it up. Those are gonna come in handy, just you wait. There's one in there where I'll make up an excuse for you for any reason, and another where I'll ask Nee-san for a favor in your place. That's like, the most thoughtful thing I've ever done, alright?” Noya lifted up a squishy gift from Tanaka-san and tore off the paper. He found socks, which seemed like a strange gift to get somebody else's kid. 

Tanaka leaned over and bumped his shoulder into Noya's and said “One of the family,” and then went back to opening the rest of his own gifts. Noya opened a pair of knee-pads from Nee-san, and a scarf that seemed to be hand knit by Ryuu's grandmother. There was a lot of other small, fairly generic gifts that were from the rest of the family. They must have known he would be there, but not known what to get him. But the fact that they had bothered at all really struck Noya. So much generosity. 

Noya grabbed a box wrapped in newspaper with lightning bolts drawn on it with a red marker and assumed it was from Ryuu. “Nice wrap job,” he commented. Tanaka looked over and grinned as Noya tore off the paper and opened the box without even hesitating. He pulled out a white t-shirt that he thought was plain until he turned it around and saw the 4 kanji on the back proclaiming 'One Man Army' “SWEET! Thanks Ryuu!!” Noya enthused and then noticed the rest of the gift. He was confused by being given a book until he read the title 'Dictionary of 4 Kanji Idioms.' “Oh holy shit! Really? That's great! How the hell did you even find something like that?” Noya was clearly excited. 

“No biggie. I knew you'd like something like that so I found it online. Amazon's got everything, I swear,” Ryuu explained. “So ya like it?” 

Noya shouted, “Of course! There's like...soooooooooooooooo many t-shirt ideas in here!” he flipped through the book and was thoroughly lost in it all though the Christmas Carols and most of the games. Finally it was time to call it a day and some of the guests filtered out while others headed upstairs. Noya followed Tanaka up to his room to get ready for bed. 

“So um...here's the thing. All the spare futons are being used by the family so you can just use mine. I'll just sleep on the floor,” Tanaka said as he pulled an extra blanket out of his closet and tossed it on the floor. 

Noya waited a second so he didn't seem too eager and then proposed, “It's fine! We can just share, if that's cool?” He plopped down on Ryuu's futon and moved over to the side leaving as much room for Ryuu as possible. 

Tanaka picked up the spare blanket and draped it over the bed and answered, “That's cool. I'm gonna go shower. It gets cold as fuck in here at night so ya might wanna grab one of my sweatshirts to sleep in.” With that Tanaka left to shower and Noya found himself alone. 

On the one hand, Noya didn't really get cold that often. On the other hand, it was an invitation to wear Ryuu's clothes and that probably shouldn't be passed up. He walked over to Ryuu's closet and looked around. Just clothes and random junk tossed to the side. Noya reached up and grabbed a black hoodie that had some English words 'Never See No Evil' on the front of it. He pulled it over his head and let the sleeves fall over his hands. It was way too big, but it was super cozy and it smelled like the laundry detergent the Tanaka's used. It was so very Ryuu, it made Noya's chest warm. 

Without waiting for Ryuu to get back he climbed into bed and promptly passed out. It was hours later when Noya stirred awake because he was too hot. He slipped off the hoodie and saw that outside it was still dark and snow was gently wafting down. Everything was calm and still and silent. It was one of those otherworldly nights, but Ryuu was still fast asleep. 

Noya looked at his sleeping friend and a gentle smile crossed his lips. “Hey, Ryuu...” he whispered. When there was no response, he whispered even quieter, “I think I like you.” The room stayed silent and so he scooted back down under the covers and carefully snuggled up against Ryuu's back. Ryuu smelled like soap and a little bit like sweat. It was sweet and clean and Noya found it absolutely intoxicating. He pressed his cheek a little deeper into Ryuu's shirt and whispered, “Merry Christmas, Ryuu,” before drifting back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiroshi meaning tolerant, generous. I thought it a fitting name for Saeko and Ryuu's father. 
> 
> Tanaka's Stage play actor, Shiota Kouhei, at one point owned a black hoodie with the words 'Never see no evil" on the front. I'm sorry that my brain has so thourghally melded him and Tanaka together that I can hardly seperate the two anymore. Thus you get Tanaka dressing in his wardrobe.


	4. Mustering Courage

April 2013

Noya closed the browser and then blinked slowly at the screen. “So...okay....I'm attracted to dudes. I already kinda knew that. No big deal...yeah...” he tried to reassure himself as he grabbed a handful of tissues and cleaned up his mess. He put himself back in his underwear as the gears in his head turned. 

It's not a problem, right? I just find muscles and dick more attractive, yeah. No big deal. Yeah. And my friends won't care, right? Ryuu... Noya found it hard to swallow when he thought about his best friend. Yeah, Ryuu wouldn't care. 

Speak of the Devil. A LINE notification popped up on Noya's computer and he clicked it to find Ryuu asking 'what's up?' Noya couldn't help the grin that spread across his face as he typed out his response, “NMU?” The response he got was an incoming video call. He checked to make sure the evidence of his earlier pornventure was hidden and then clicked accept. 

“Yo! Ryuu!! Hey, whoa! What's going on?” Noya's face contorted in confusion as he tried to make out what was happening on the screen. “Ryuu, I can't see, what?” 

Ryuu's face finally popped into the screen. “Did you see man?! I'm getting better!” Ryuu settled down into his chair and grinned at Noya through the screen. 

Noya raised an eyebrow and said, “Dude, I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. I just saw a bunch of blurs and shit.” 

Tanaka laughed and rubbed his head, “Oh, I was showing off my new spike form. I think I'm getting better at the technical stuff. I guess it was probably pretty hard to see.” 

“Oh, cool! Show me at practice tomorrow!” Mischief glinted in Noya's eyes as he said, “I bet I can still receive it.”

Ryuu finally took a minute to register Noya and said, “Dude, are you naked? What the fuck man?!” 

Noya assured him, “Nah, just shirtless. It's hot out, alright! You know my room doesn't have A.C.” 

Tanaka responded, “Neither does mine, but you don't see me sitting around naked on my computer. Shit! I'm not even naked when I'm jer....OH MY GOD. NOYA! At least put some fucking clothes on before you respond to a video call after you do that shit!” Tanaka was taking it so far over the top Noya knew it wasn't actually an issue. 

“Hey man, at least I stopped when I answered the call and I'm not doing it right now,” There was another glint in his eye as he said, “Or maybe I am?” He pulled an exaggerated face and moaned as his shoulder moved up and down. 

Tanaka said, “You're fucking gross, man.” Tanaka took a sip from his water bottle and then asked, “So....was it good stuff then? You know you've gotta share when you find something good! Fucking send the link already!” 

Noya was pulled out of his fun as his mind raced. What would happen if he just sent him the actual video? Would he be freaked out? He could always play it off as a joke. Should he just say it wasn't any good and change the subject? Fuck....was this the best way to come out to his friend or should he....fuck it. Noya opened the browser and navigated back to the video and then sent it to Ryuu. 'Gauge his reaction. Gauge his reaction,' Noya repeated his mantra in his head. 

Noya watched as Tanaka's face lit up and he said “All right!” as he clicked on the link. Noya fidgeted as he assumed the video was still loading. He watched intently as Tanaka's face went from confusion to shock to laughter. “Good one man, fucking hilarious,” He mocked as Noya assumed he closed the website. Oh well, it could have gone worse. But the information didn't really help him. Confusion had been Tanaka's first look. But what did that mean? 

“Ya like that, ya perv?” Noya chirped, putting on a happy face and hoping to steer the conversation away from the topic of porn. “Anyway, any big plans this weekend?” Noya grabbed a piece of candy from his desk and popped it in his mouth. He clicked the hard sugar against his teeth in an annoying habit he couldn't break. 

Tanaka leaned back in his chair and put his hands behind his head, “Nah, not really. You?” 

“Nothing,” Noya replied. “Let's hang out,” he really needed to get this off his chest soon, and maybe giving himself a deadline would help. Or maybe he should tell him on the walk home from school? Shit, Yeah, that could work. 

“Sounds like a plan,” Tanaka said as he opened his mouth into a huge yawn. He stretched his arms above his head and Noya could see his muscles tighten under his shirt. 

Noya swallowed and started to speak, but it caught in his throat and he had to try again. “Hey, Ryuu, wait for me tomorrow so we can walk home together, okay?” 

Tanaka cocked an eyebrow in question, “Don't we always do that?” 

Noya ran his fingers through his hair nervously and then caught himself. “Yeah, duh. Sorry. I wasn't thinking.” 

Tanaka shook his head and commented, “You're so weird sometimes. Anyway, I'm tired as fuck. See ya tomorrow.” 

Noya choked out, “Night, Ryuu!” and watched as Tanaka ended the call and he was alone again. He tried the words out loud, pretending Ryuu was still listening. “Hey, Ryuu. I'm gay,” he said. That wasn't too hard. 

He stared at the wallpaper on his monitor, a picture of him and Ryuu taken at a practice in their 1st year. His mind focused on all the possible outcomes of his admission. He could lose his friends. His grandparents might kick him out. The volleyball team might turn on him. He might be alone. But if he came out, he wouldn't have this awful secret anymore. He could confess to Ryuu and if he was really lucky, maybe he could date him. That was worth the chance, right? 

He tried the words again, with more confidence, “Hey, Ryuu! I'm gay, and I like you. Do you wanna maybe go on a date sometime?” His heart sank as he thought again about all the potential things that could go wrong with that confession. He realized it wasn't just about potentially losing his friends. It was about if he lost Ryuu. 

He gave it another go. “I think I'm gay!” The words fell dead in the silence of his room. He reached up and grabbed onto his hair and pulled it while yelling “FUCK!” and banging his head down on his keyboard a little harder than he meant to. 

“Noya? What's up? Everything alright?” Tanaka's voice came from his speakers. Noya shot up and focused his eyes on the screen. Tanaka was shirtless, and still a little damp from the shower as he sat down at his computer to talk to Noya. 

“Shit! I'm sorry, Ryuu!! I spilled my drink and I must have clicked something when I pulled my keyboard out of the way,” Noya tried to cover for himself. His eyes struggled to focus on Tanaka's face and away from his...everything else. “Sorry! Bye, Ryuu!!” he said and without thinking about it any more he clicked end. 

His eyes were open wide as he just sat in the silence and tried to calm his breathing. Finally he whispered to the universe, “fuck....”


	5. What's Love?

June 2013

“Hey, Suga-san, do you have a minute?” Noya said as he ran up next to Suga as they were leaving the gym after practice. 

Suga nodded to Daichi, who went on ahead without him, and then turned to Noya. “What's up Nishinoya?” 

Noya took a deep breath and said, “I need some advice!” 

Suga laughed and smiled gently as he offered, “Alright. Let's go sit down so we can talk, okay?” He didn't wait for a response. He lead the way over to the steps to the gym and sat down. 

Noya joined him and plopped down with a thud next to him. “I'm sorry to bother you, Suga-san, but I couldn't think of who else to ask,” Noya started off like he was going to begin one of his rambles. 

Suga cut him off before he could start, “It's fine, Nishinoya. What did you need?” He folded his hands and put them on his lap as he looked over at Noya and waited.

“So, Um....how do you...er...confess to someone who might not like you but also not make it weird. Like I don't wanna ruin our friendship, so I um...I don't know....” Noya looked down at his school bag that he was dangling down by his feet. He kicked it and watched it move around, trying to distract himself. 

Suga chuckled and said, “Kiyoko? Nishinoya, I think it'll be fine. I don't think you'll ruin any friendship there if you confess to her for real.” Suga reached down for his bag as he made to leave but stopped short when Noya blurted out again. 

“It's not Kiyoko!” Noya kicked his bag again and then looked over at Suga. 

Suga gently sat back down and said, “Oh? Is this one serious?” 

Noya looked back at the ground as he mumbled, “I dunno....that's part of the problem.”

Suga observed Noya for a moment and then carefully asked, “Nishinoya, are you in love?” 

Noya's head shot up and he looked at Suga miserably, “I don't know! I think so! I don't know! That's the problem! I mean, I'm attracted to him for sure, but like I don't know. I mean we're friends but....is that love? What's love? Ugh!” he let out a discontent noise as he threw up his arms and then let them fall down on his lap. 

Suga's eyebrows raised and he simply asked, “Him?” 

Noya turned to Suga and his eyes were wide. “Shit. I mean....um...”

Suga put his fears to rest quickly though as he commented, “It's alright, Nishinoya. I don't mind. You just took me by surprise is all. So this him is a friend of yours? And you don't want to confess and ruin your friendship? Am I understanding you properly?” 

Noya nodded, and his shoulders slumped as he moaned, “I just don't...how do you know, Suga-san? Like I guess if I don't love him I don't need to bother confessing. If it's ya know, just a stupid crush or something. I don't know.”

Suga looked out at the sky and explained, “Well, are you happy when you're with him?” 

Noya practically shouted, “Of course! So happy! Like my god, spending time with him is the best!” 

“Hmm, do you care about him so much you'd stick by him even if things weren't going well? If it wasn't easy? Would you stick with him?” Suga's eyes fell onto a person standing in the courtyard a good distance away, he seemed to be waiting under a tree for somebody. 

Noya thought for a second, but that's all it took, “Yeah. Of course.” He followed the line of Suga's gaze and tried to make out who he was looking at. 

“Well then, how about...do you feel...um...light? When you're with him? I mean like, erm...warm and fuzzy inside?” Suga reached up and waved to the person in the distance and smiled radiantly. 

Noya screwed up his face in thought and confusion, “Um? I don't know?” he squinted and the person Suga was waving to came into focus and he realized it was Daichi-san. 

Suga tried again, “Well, how about this? When you're with him, do you feel like you could take on the world?” He turned towards Noya and smiled gently, waiting for the answer. 

“Hell yes! We're practically invincible when we're together! I mean, it's great! Like I...” Noya's words stopped as the look of recognition on Suga's face sank in. 

Suga asked quietly, “Nishinoya, are you talking about Tanaka?” He tilted his head slightly to the side as he watched Noya's reaction. 

Noya's eyes opened wide and fear covered his whole face as he pleaded, “You can't tell a soul, Suga-san! Please! Please don't tell anybody, I can't have this ruin my friendship with him. He...he knows I'm gay and he...um...Suga-san, I don't know if he's told anybody yet, but he's bi and so me being a guy wouldn't bother him, but he's...he didn't seem even the least bit...” his shoulders slumped again as he sighed. “He's not interested. But I still have to tell him. I can't keep this a secret forever. It's...it's not like me! You know that Suga-san!” He rambled. 

Suga put up his hands and reassured Noya, “I won't tell anybody, I promise! But...Nishinoya....” Noya looked at him questioningly and then Suga said, “You can't ruin your friendship with Tanaka.” 

Noya excitedly proclaimed, “I KNOW! That's why I can't tell him! But I mean, I have to tell him, but I don't know!” The fight left him suddenly again and he mumbled, “What if he gets weirded out and hates me?” 

Suga laughed and explained, “No, Nishinoya! I meant...I don't think can possibly ruin your friendship with Tanaka. He...” He sighed and reassessed his words and then said, “When you were banned from the club for a month in March, he was like a lost dog. He only got better when the first years started in April and Daichi had the good sense to give him the task of babysitting them. That kept him occupied, but, Nishinoya, he really missed you. I guess what I'm trying to say is he's not just going to drop your friendship, even if he was weirded out. And I don't think he will be.” 

Noya pulled his mouth to the side in thought and then asked, “So...all that stuff earlier about feeling invincible and sticking with someone and stuff....is that what love is?” 

Suga laughed again and warmly explained, “I think so, Nishinoya. Love isn't just about physical attraction, though there should be that too. But if you love being with him that much, and you're attracted to him like that....” he sighed and then pushed himself up with his hands on his thighs. “Well, I can't tell you if you're in love or not, but it's something to think about.” He reached down and grabbed his school bag and slung it over his shoulder. “I'm sorry, but I need to get going, Daichi's waiting for me, but I think you'll be fine if you tell him, Nishinoya. You've never been one to run from a problem before. You'll do fine.” 

Noya nodded as he watched Suga walk away and then called, “Thanks, Suga-san!” 

Suga spun around on his heel and continued walking backwards and waved to Noya. He called out, “I promise I'll never tell a soul! Not even Daichi!” He spun back around and picked up his pace until he reached Daichi under the tree. They walked away together. 

Noya's mind worked overtime as he tried to sort it all out. 'So, Tanaka's not interested. But telling him won't ruin our friendship. And I...I might be in love with him.' Noya sighed again as he stood up and grabbed his bag and began his walk home, alone, for once. He'd sent Tanaka on ahead when he told him he had something he needed to do. 

“Love is stupid,” Noya whined as he kicked a stone on the path in front of him. He turned the corner and ran straight into a person standing there, leaning against the wall. Noya fell backwards but before he landed strong arms were setting him right again. 

“Whoa, sorry Noya-san!” Noya looked up and found Tanaka grinning down at him. Tanaka adjusted his backpack and asked, “Got everything done?” 

Noya's face paled, but then brightened as he really took in the sight of Ryuu. “Yeah! But you...waited for me? I told you to go on ahead,” Noya said as he fell into step next to Ryuu as they began their trek home. 

“I did! See, I was ahead of you, I just stopped for a while, no biggie.” Ryuu adjusted his backpack again and asked, “So, get all your love advice figured out?” 

The color left Noya again as he said, a bit too loudly, “What? What makes you think that's what I was...” 

Tanaka laughed, “When you came up on the corner you were moaning about love being stupid. You were asking Suga-san for advice, right? Him and Daichi walked by a little before you did. Don't worry man, if I didn't have Nee-san, I'd probably go to Suga-san for advice too.” 

Noya did the only thing he could think of and reached up and punched Ryuu in the arm. “Whatever. Are we gonna go beg Ukai for a discount on some snacks, or what?” 

Tanaka cheered, “Hell yeah!”


	6. Heartbreak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: vomit happens, but it's not descriptive.

July 2013

Nishinoya was an early riser, but this was an early morning even for him. The team was off to Tokyo for a training camp with some big schools there. The Fukurodani Gakuen Group was made up of several powerhouse schools in Tokyo and Nekomata had pulled some strings to get them in. They had a long bus ride and then an even longer day of practice ahead of them. But Nishinoya only had one thing on his mind. He was finally going to do it. Today he was hell bent on confessing to Tanaka. 

A yawn escaped his lips as he pulled his shirt over his head. He blinked his eyes blearily and trudged to the bathroom to fix his hair and brush his teeth. He looked into the mirror and said to himself, “This is it. Today. No excuses.” He nodded to himself and was determined to get his confession out today, even if it killed him. He wasn't 100 percent convinced that it wouldn't, to be honest. If Ryuu reacted badly, he knew he was done for. 

His whole walk to the school, through the dark, up and down the sloping streets, he hummed to himself with the words “I like you, Ryuu! I like you, Ryuu!!” playing through his head on repeat. He was so focused that he didn't even fully grasp that Tanaka had strolled over next to him for the remaining leg of the journey. As soon as he noticed he blurted out the first thing on his mind, “I like you, Ryuu!!” 

Tanaka stopped dead in his tracks and confusion contorted his whole face. “Huh?” 

Noya halted and as soon as his brain processed the look on his friends face, he lied. “I said I like your shirt, Ryuu. Looks cool.” He swallowed hard and hoped Tanaka didn't notice. He forced himself to focus his eyes on Ryuu's as he waited for this moment to blow over. 

Ryuu narrowed his eyes and looked back into Noya's. After a moment, maybe a little too long, he said, “Yeah, thanks man! I'm sure you've seen it before though. You're being weird today. What's up?” He started up the walk to school again. 

Noya followed and assured him, “Nah, sorry. Just tired. It's too early even for me. I'm not used to being tired like this. It's gonna be fun though, right? I can't wait to play against these big Tokyo schools! 

Ryuu yawned and nodded. Noya silently thanked the fact that his friend seemed too tired to fully comprehend what had just happened. He could try again later. He wasn't counting Ryuu out yet. He was sleepy and of course he'd be confused hearing that first thing like that. He'd just have to get him alone later and confess in plain words. It would be fine. 

They reached the school and their tired eyes and ears hardly made sense of the speech Takeda-sensei was giving them. Coach Ukai said some stuff too, but nobody was really awake enough for it to sink in. Noya led the way onto the bus and went straight for the large bench seat at the back. He plopped himself down next to the window and Tanaka sat down right next to him. A little too close to him, honestly. The whole bench was open so why did he sit down so close? Noya's heart felt light but he tried to calm himself down. 

Tanaka yawned and mumbled, “I'm'a sleep now, k?” He leaned over slightly onto Noya, who had no choice but to lean back into him and support some of his weight or else be pushed into the side of the bus. He positioned himself as best he could and then leaned his head on Tanaka's shoulder. Tanaka, in turn, leaned his head over on top of Noya's. 

Noya's heart beat fast at the contact. It wasn't the first time they'd slept on the bus together, or even in bed together. It wasn't the first time they'd been so physically close. But it was also special today. Today was the day. Noya was going to tell Ryuu how he felt. It was massive and important and possibly life altering and just huge. So Noya resolved himself to enjoy his nap now to the fullest. He was out in no time. The bus rolled along to Tokyo. 

Later that day during Karasuno's break after their game against Fukurodani, Noya found himself watching Ryuu again. Ryuu had wandered over to where Nekoma was taking their break. Tanaka grabbed Nekoma's ace, Taketora, and pulled him a little closer to where Karasuno was. Noya knew they were friendly, but this was even more than he remembered from the training camp months ago. Noya's eyes narrowed as he watched Ryuu put his arm around Tora and then glance back at Karasuno. 

Noya watched as Ryuu leaned over and whispered something in Tora's ear. Noya's lips parted in shock as he saw Ryuu's lips brush up against Tora's earlobe. Tora turned to Ryuu and kissed him. Noya's stomach lurched and the air left his lungs. He was pretty sure he'd just been punched in the gut. Noya stopped breathing as Tora's lips locked onto Ryuu's and lingered there, just for a moment. It was quick and fairly chaste, but Noya had seen too much. He couldn't wipe the shock and pain off his face. 

Tora parted with Ryuu and walked back to Nekoma. Ryuu walked back over to Karasuno and locked eyes with Noya. Noya's chest was in physical pain and he finally turned away and knelt down to mess with his shoelaces. 

Noya's fingers fumbled with his laces. He'd lost dexterity in his fingers but he pressed on with his unnecessary task of retying his shoes. He kept his eyes focused on his shoes as he willed himself to breath again. His stomach was uneasy and he felt like he might puke. The sounds of the gym were garbled and faint, like his head was underwater. 

He forced himself to focus on the voice that finally spoke, it was Suga, “So how long have you and Tora been together?” Noya's head swam and his fingers were useless as he still fought with his shoelaces.

Ryuu responded, “Oh, um a few weeks.” 

Noya felt like he'd been slapped in the face on top of everything else. 'A few weeks?' But....why...wouldn't you tell me that, Ryuu? Noya's mind raced and he scrunched up his face to avoid tears and instead turned to anger. Why the fuck wouldn't Ryuu have told him that? His heart fought between pain and anger. 

Daichi's voice said, “Well, we're all happy for you, Tanaka.” Noya could hear the team dissolve back into idle chatter. He balled up his fingers and held them in tight fists trying to get them working again. Finally he got his fingers working enough to tie his shoes. 

He felt a shadow over him and his breath caught again. He held his head down lower as he heard Tanaka say, “See, Noya-san? It's not a big deal! The team will be happy for you!” 

Noya's mind wouldn't shut up. After that, here Tanaka was, trying to point out that the team wouldn't care if he got a boyfriend. Here Tanaka was, trying to be helpful or compassionate or some shit and all Noya could think was that he kind of wanted to disappear. Or maybe he wanted Tanaka to. 

Finally Noya stood up and made sure he didn't have to look at Ryuu as he muttered, “Yeah. I see. Congrats, Ryuu.” He nearly choked on the words, but he got them out. As much as this moment sucked, he knew he cared too much about Ryuu and their friendship to let it break them. He just needed to take a little time. He'd get over it. 

He balled up his fists and then walked away from his friend. He heard Ryuu's voice call after him, “Um, Thanks!” 

Noya held himself together until he got to the bathroom. He kicked the wall and then yelled as the pain shot through his foot. He finally felt his uneasiness catch up to him and he ran to the toilet and threw himself on his knees in front of it. His lunch came up and he couldn't help but cry as he was physically ill from the whole ordeal. He stiffened as he heard the door open and dreaded the voice he knew he was going to hear. 

Ryuu said, “Hey, you okay, Noya-san?” 

The 'san' hit Noya in the heart in a way he usually tuned out. He spit a few times in the toilet and then stood up and flushed it. Without a word he went over to the sink and rinsed out his mouth vigorously. He hoped Tanaka hadn't caught a look at his face. He splashed water over it to hide the tears and finally stood up. 

He turned to look at Tanaka and hated himself as he plastered on a grin and said, “Fine! I think I ate too much at lunch, that's all.” He walked past Ryuu and said over his shoulder, “Come on, we've got a lot more volleyball to play!” 

He felt nothing when he heard Tanaka's footsteps fall into place next to him.


	7. Something Different

October 2013

Noya did the only thing he really knew how to do to just get over it already. He threw himself head first into volleyball with even more passion than before. He taught himself the libero toss a few months ago at the training camp in Tokyo, and he was practicing it nearly to the point of running himself into the ground. If your exhausted to your core, it's hard to find the time to really stress over the fact that the guy you're in love with is dating somebody else. 

Noya had even decided that now it was obvious he wouldn't be getting Ryuu, he might as well just tell the team he was gay. He'd been holding the not-so-secret in because he'd hoped to announce he was dating Ryuu and just let it speak for itself. Tanaka and Suga were the only ones not surprised when he casually let the news slip one day. Nobody seemed to be uncomfortable or upset by it though, so it had just become a non-issue. So those were the cards on the table: No Ryuu. Totally gay. Exhaustion. Hard Work. Life found a sort of rhythm again. 

“Hey, Asahi-san! Do me a favor and hit some of my tosses, okay?” Noya grinned as he caught the Ace on his way out of the gym for the night. 

Ashai stopped short and looked a little sheepish as he nodded and said, “Yeah.” Noya couldn't really understand why he was so jumpy all the time. Noya's grandpa had made sure Noya knew from a young age what a waste it would be of life to be scared of everything. Maybe Asahi just needed a good lecture from Gramps. 

Noya lead the way back into the gym and promised Daichi they'd lock up when they were finished. Without even giving it much thought he got to work. Toss after toss. Noya was getting very good at it, and Asahi assured him they were easy to spike. 

“Um, Nishinoya....” Asahi rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly as he stood hunched over. 

Noya asked brightly, “Yeah?” He threw the volleyball into the air above him and began bouncing it up and down off his forearms as he waited for Asahi to explain. 

Asahi's eyes followed the ball up and down but finally he managed to ask, “Do you think you could try to receive some of my serves? Maybe? I mean, if it's no trouble....” 

Noya caught the ball in hands and then turned to look at the coward of an Ace before him. He smiled and let out a raucous laugh as he said, “Sure! No trouble! I'll receive them all!” He laughed again as he threw the ball into Asahi's chest. 

Asahi wasn't quite fast enough to catch it and it hit him full force. A not-so-gentle reminder that Nishinoya was no weakling. “Thank you, Nishinoya,” Asahi said as he made his way over to the other side of the net. Noya was struck by how completely opposite Asahi was to Tanaka. Tanaka was still Noya's closet friend, and he still loved him, but there was something a little easier about being around somebody who had next to nothing in common with Tanaka. 

Noya positioned himself near the middle of his side of the court. He bent his knees and waited, arms open out at his sides. He focused his eyes on the ball as Asahi threw it into the air and then jumped forward into the serve. It was on him in an instant, and Noya threw his forearms together and wrapped one hand around the other, thumbs on top. He bent his knees down with the force and then as the ball hit his tender forearms he bumped it up and directed it over to where an imaginary setter was waiting. 

Asahi looked wounded on the other side of the net, but seemed determined enough. He picked up another ball from the cart and went through the motions again. Noya's eyes glistened as he directed his whole focus on the ball. This time Asahi must have tried to aim it out of Noya's reach. Noya reached his arm out in front of him and dove across the court. His body hit the floor and he slid on his stomach just managing to get his hand under the ball in enough time to send it up and in the direction of where his team would be standing. 

Noya jumped up onto his feet and yelled out, “Nice one, Asahi-san!” He grinned as he admired the fact that even the unreliable Ace of the team was starting to step up his game. 

Asahi smiled gently and called across the net, “Thank you, Nishinoya.” He reached over and pulled another ball out of the cart and readied himself to serve again. He locked his eyes on the back line and took a deep breath. 

Asahi served again and this time Noya measured its fall with his eyes and made the call, “OUT!” He watched as the ball hit the court, just inside the line. “Shit!” he yelled, but quickly he registered that his own defeat meant his teammates victory. He ran over to the other side of the court yelling “ASAHI-SAAAAAANNNNNN” as he went. 

Noya jumped up and came flying at Asahi with both his hands out, for a double high-five. Asahi held his hands out in front of him carefully, as he winced at the thought of Noya crashing into him full force. He still accepted the flying double high-five though, and then shook his hands to try to get rid of the sting. 

“Thank you for practicing with me, Asahi-san!” Noya yelled out as he ran back to the other side and began collecting the stray volleyballs. He was one of those people determined to do such tasks in one trip. With his arms overflowing he walked slowly over to the cart. As he got close his foot caught on the shoelace of his other shoe and he went falling forward. Instinct kicked in and he went to receive the nearest ball. 

He laughed at himself as he got back up on his feet and dumped the volleyball into the cart. He reached down to gather up another ball but Asahi was reaching for the same one. Their hands brushed against each other for an instant before Asahi pulled away and left Noya to finish the task on his own. 

Noya looked at Asahi and noticed he was blushing and gently wringing his hands. “Asahi-san!!” Asahi jumped and looked at Noya. “Are you okay?” Noya asked. 

Asahi nodded and Noya was again struck by how unlike Ryuu he was. They finished cleaning up and locked up the gym in silence. Noya didn't care for it, but hey. It wasn't like his time with Ryuu, and he felt like maybe he needed some of that in his life. He'd never get over him if he spent all his time with him. Having fun with him. Laughing with him....

“Nishinoya,” Asahi said gently as he walked away from the gym next to Noya. “I...um...do you think maybe you'd like to go out sometime? My treat. Um, as a thank you, for bringing me back to the club and....” 

Noya stopped short and looked up to Asahi. He couldn't make out his face in the dim light from his low angle. He thought about how this angle of his neck was different than when he looked up at Ryuu. Asahi's voice was gentle and his words were soft, unlike Ryuu's. Nishinoya looked up at Asahi and didn't feel any attraction, but he did recognize how unlike Ryuu he was. He liked that. And so he made up his mind on the spot to do something rash. “Asahi-san! Will you go out with me?” It's easy to ask when you're not invested in the answer. 

Nishinoya kept looking up with his large eyes. He still couldn't see Asahi's face, but he heard him well enough. “I..um....yeah. I'd like that, Nishinoya,” Asahi said. It was gentle and it was an answer completely unlike what he'd ever get from Ryuu. 

Nishinoya reached his hand out quickly and a little forcefully and Asahi gently wrapped his much larger hand around it. It made Noya feel small. He kind of hated that, but maybe that was just what he needed to forget about what he couldn't have. This was here now, so he made up his mind to run with it as long as he could. 

Noya took a deep breath and said loudly, “Let's go out for my birthday next week, Asahi-san!” He added a little bounce into his step. 

Asahi muttered, “Okay,” and Nishinoya smiled sadly at the fact that it wasn't a 'Hell yes!' or 'Oryaaa!'


	8. Double Date

March 2014

When Noya said he'd make something work, he meant it. His relationship with Asahi was as good as he could have expected, which was more than what had happened to Ryuu's relationship with Taketora. Noya had seriously considered dumping Asahi after he found out Ryuu was single, but he didn't want to be that kind of person. He wanted to be better than that, so he pushed forward. Ryuu had eventually ended up with Kiyoko and so now they faced the dreaded fact that their significant others had just graduated from High School. Noya and Ryuu were being left behind. So Nishinoya tried to spend as much time as he could with Asahi, now that he wouldn't see him at school or volleyball practice anymore.

“Asahi-saaaaaaaaaaaaaan, Let's go to Benyland!!” Noya ran into Asahi's bedroom. 

Asahi gently scolded, “Please, Nishinoya, indoor voice.” He looked up from his book and questioned, “Why would we go there? They just have roller coasters and rides for kids.” He narrowed his eyes and pointed out gently, “Nishinoya, you know I don't like roller coasters.” 

Noya plopped himself down on the bed and said, “But you've never ridden one! You don't know unless you try, Asahi-san!” He moaned internally about how dealing with Asahi was like dealing his own 5 year old self. Afraid of everything. Now he knew how his grandpa must have felt all those years ago. “Come on!! It'll be fun!” 

Asahi pondered for a moment and then asked, “Why don't you go with Tanaka? I'm sure he'd ride the coasters with you.” He picked his book back up and turned his attention to his reading, assuming the matter was closed. 

Noya spat out, “I wasn't asking to go with Tanaka.” He felt the anger start to wash over him. Why did everything need to be so difficult? Simple ideas that should be fun were like pulling teeth. 

Asahi carefully closed his book, but held his place with his finger between the pages. He focused on Noya and then sighed before he began his regular apologies, “I'm sorry, Nishinoya. I didn't realize what you were asking. Of course we can go to the amusement park together.” A thought came to him and then he offered, “Why don't we plan a double date with Tanaka and Kiyoko? That way you have somebody to ride with, but I'll still be there with you.” 

Noya hated that idea. The though of a day with Tanaka and Kiyoko together on a date made him feel ill. He'd known almost as soon as the words left his mouth that he should have just planned the trip with Tanaka instead of asking Asahi. But Asahi was his boyfriend, damn it. It wouldn't hurt him to actually go out in public with him sometimes, would it? Noya swallowed and took a deep breath to try to calm himself down before he blurted out something mean. He plastered a grin on his face and said, “That sounds great!! Thanks Asahi-san!” 

It wasn't great at all. The trip to Sendai had been relatively painless but as the day wore on Noya found himself increasingly agitated and cautious. Kiyoko wasn't much one for roller coasters either and so most of the rides were just Tanaka and Noya having a blast together. Then they'd walk down to where Asahi and Kiyoko were waiting and Noya would feel guilty. When it was just him and Ryuu waiting in the lines and riding the coaster he almost forgot his place. Then he'd see Asahi and Kiyoko and it would flood back over him. Oh. Right. I'm here with Asahi. Tanaka's here with Kiyoko. 

Noya pleaded with Asahi, “Come on! Let's go on the Cyclone! It's not scary, I promise!” Noya forced himself to ignore Tanaka and Kiyoko and focus solely on Asahi. “I'll hold your hand and everything! You never know unless you try!” 

Asahi was adamant, “I'm sorry, Nishinoya. I don't like the way they make me feel.” Asahi looked miserable and that just made Noya angry.

Noya mumbled, “but you've never even tried....” His eyes bored holes into the ground and he clenched his fingers into fists. He was pulled out of it when a hand grabbed his shoulder. 

“I'll ride again with you, Noya-san,” Tanaka offered. He gave Noya's shoulder a gentle squeeze and nodded at him to reassure him it was fine. 

Noya looked up at Ryuu and felt a pang in his chest that he thought he'd managed to get over. He forced a smile and said, “Thanks, Ryuu.” 

As they walked up the path to the coaster Noya heard Kiyoko say, “Almost feels like they're the ones on a date.” It made Noya's stomach churn. This wasn't what he had wanted. He didn't mean to monopolize Tanaka's time. He didn't mean to keep him from his girlfriend. He didn't mean to have so much fun when it was just him and Tanaka. He didn't mean to love Tanaka. Shit. 

Nishinoya backpedaled hard and fast. “Hey, Ryuu! It's fine. I changed my mind. Let's go find something Asahi-san and Kiyoko want to do.” Noya waited for Tanaka to acknowledge the change of plans. Part of him hoped Ryuu would say that was boring and they should just ditch them. But he knew that was wrong. He didn't really want that, right? He cared about Asahi. And above all else, he knew Tanaka loved Kiyoko and he didn't want to be a bother to them. 

Ryuu looked back at Asahi and Kiyoko and then rubbed his hands over his head in frustration as he yelled out, “Awww shit!! I was having so much fun on the coasters I didn't even think about....” He sighed and then agreed. “Yeah, that's a good idea, Noya-san.” 

“Yeah, I figured. Kiyoko seemed a little upset,” Noya said as they headed back down the path to meet up with their partners again. 

“Shit. I'm gonna pay for this tonight, I bet,” Tanaka groaned. 

Noya's heart dropped. Okay, it wasn't like it was a surprise. He knew Tanaka and Kiyoko were having sex. Shit, he assumed Tanaka and Tora had as well. And it wasn't like he wasn't doing the same with Asahi, but it still sucked to have to think about it. It was irrational jealousy and Noya hated that he felt that way. He was trying to get better about it, but it was hard. He put on a smile and joked back, hoping it would cover how awkward he felt. “Awww man. Me too.” 

Noya looked up and found Ryuu blushing as he fought out a few words, “Oh, ah...Asahi-san's the kind to hold out on ya then?” Ryuu turned an even deeper shade of red and was avoiding eye contact with Noya.

“Yeah, something like that,” Noya said and let the conversation die. Noya picked up his pace and practically ran the rest of the way. When he saw Asahi and Kiyoko's confused looks he chirped, “We decided to do something you guys pick instead!” 

The group fell silent for a minute but then Asahi spoke up, “The Ferris Wheel seems nice.” 

Kiyoko pointed out, “I don't really like heights. I'm sorry. How about the Mystery House?” 

Asahi apologized, “I don't really care for Haunted Houses.” Tanaka and Noya exchanged looks but nobody said anything. Finally Asahi offered, “We could split up for a while?” 

Noya glanced at Tanaka out of the corner of his eye. Noya was about to explain why that was a horrible idea, against his better judgment.

Tanaka was a step ahead of him though. “Oh! But I'd like to go on the Ferris Wheel. Do you guys think I could go with you?” He turned red and then sheepishly asked, “I mean, if you don't mind waiting, Kiyoko?” 

“That's fine, I don't mind. We'll go to the haunted house after?” Kiyoko asked. Tanaka nodded. 

Noya took that as his cue, “Actually...I'd love to go to the haunted house. If you guys don't mind could I tag along?” He turned to Asahi and asked, “Is that okay with you?” Asahi nodded. “Alright then! That's settled! TO THE FERRIS WHEEL!” Noya yelled at out as he marched forward to lead the way. 

The Ferris Wheel was nice until they realized that the cart leaned too far for comfort when Asahi and Noya sat on the same side. Noya happily joined Ryuu on the other side, but then realized how awkward that was and then everything was awful again. He couldn't help but wonder how much easier and more fun the day might have been if it was just him and Tanaka. Asahi didn't seem to mind his boyfriend sitting next to Tanaka, but Noya knew it wasn't right. Everything about today was wrong. 

After they finished their awkward ride, Tanaka and Kiyoko held hands and lead the way through the Haunted House. Noya knew Tanaka was a big scaredy cat when it came to haunted houses. He also knew he would never admit that in front of Kiyoko, so Noya was busy trying to make sure Tanaka was calm. He didn't want his friend to look weak in front of his girlfriend. 

Noya saw Tanaka get a little jumpy through the dark of the room. A fake skeleton jumped out of the wall towards him and Tanaka screamed. Noya was quick on his feet though. He screamed too in an attempt to cover for his friend and save his manliness. He'd been through haunted houses with Tanaka before and he knew what he should do, but he also knew how awkward it was going to be with Kiyoko there.

So he covered again and lied. He added fear into his voice as he said, “Can I hold somebody's hand please?” Kiyoko and Tanaka looked back and him. Kiyoko looked confused and mildly amused. Tanaka knew what was going on and grabbed the invitation to save his pride.

“Here,” he said as he held out his hand and Noya took it gently. He squeezed it in reassurance and warning every time he saw some gag coming to jump out or scare them. On the whole Noya's observation skills were way too finely tuned to ever get scared at a haunted house. He simply saw everything coming. It was the only thing that meant he could convince Tanaka to join him usually. The promise that there wouldn't be any surprises. 

Tanaka calmed down and appeared to be quite the manly man as they finished their journey through the haunted house. Noya was glad that at least he'd helped his friend look brave. But then it sunk in just how sweaty his hand was as he squeezed Tanaka's and he felt awful again. He hadn't had been trying to barge in on Tanaka and Kiyoko's time together, he'd just wanted to help. Right? 

The whole day made Noya feel like shit about himself. He swore off double dates for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yagiyama Benyland is an old amusement park in Sendai, Miyagi Prefecture. http://www.benyland.com/ for those who are curious.


	9. Graduation

March 2015

“Maaaaaaannnnn, I can't believe that's it. We're like...adults now...” Noya said as he sat on the floor, leaning back to back with his friend Tanaka. 

Tanaka's sister Saeko appeared at the door of her little brothers bedroom and leaned against the wall as she offered congratulations, “Look at that. Little baby bros all grown up. That means you're enough of a man now to find a job, right?” She pursed her lips and blew a bubble with her gum before pulling it back into her mouth and popping it loudly. 

Tanaka turned to look at her and as he did Noya fell down backwards from his sudden lack of a backrest. Tanaka reached over and caught him with one arm as he continued to direct his attention at his sister, “What the hell are you doing here? Don't you have somewhere to be?” 

Saeko laughed and said, “I just came by to congratulate my bro!” She turned serious and then said to Noya, “Keishin's here too, he's looking for you, Yuu.” 

Noya jumped up and told Ryuu, “Be right back!” and then ran downstairs looking for his old volleyball Coach. He found him sitting on the sofa with his feet propped up on the coffee table. 

“Yo!” Noya called out as he plopped down next to him. They'd been treating each other a little more casually ever since Tanaka's sister got knocked up with Ukai's kid. Ukai was one of the family now. 

“So, I've got a proposition for you,” Ukai said. “I'm gonna need you to come train your replacement.” 

Noya blinked at him. “Huh?” 

Ukai shifted to face Noya.“What I'm saying, dummy, is that you should probably stop by sometimes and help me coach the team. I know you're just planning on working at Shimada's so I'm sure you'll have some time.” Ukai took a deep breath and then stopped Noya before he could interject, “And I know you're shit at explaining things, but you'll get better if you keep trying. You've never been one to back down from a challenge and the truth is I have no idea who's replacing you as libero. I'm hoping to con one of the incoming first years into it if one of them isn't already a libero. And so it's likely we'll have somebody with little experience. I want you to train them.” 

Noya blinked again. “Um...are you....like....asking me to Assistant Coach?” 

Ukai let out a frustrated sigh, “Alright! If that's what you want to call it, yes!” He mumbled, “Besides, Hinata and Kageyama'll be happy to see you.” 

Noya brightened and without giving it much thought yelled, “I'll do it!! I'll teach the new libero Rolling Thunder even if it kills me!” He jumped up off the sofa and let out a whoop. 

Ukai rubbed his temples and said, “Please. For the love of god, don't. Do. That.” 

Noya calmed down and smiled at Ukai, “Thanks, Coach. It means a lot to me. I appreciate it. I'll do my best!” With that Noya abandoned Ukai and ran back upstairs to Ryuu. 

“What was that all about?” Tanaka asked as Noya came back into his room. He closed his laptop and focused on Noya. 

Noya sat down next to him on the futon, and leaned over the table onto his elbows. Noya grinned, “Assistant Coach.” 

“Holy shit!! No way? Seriously? He asked you to come back?” Ryuu slapped Noya on the back in congratulations. He left his arm to rest around Noya's shoulders and pulled him into a side hug. 

Noya savored the moment and responded, “Thanks.” He'd found a level of acceptance about his situation so that he was able to spend time with his friend like this again. Deep down Noya still wished he could be the one with Ryuu, but he'd managed to move on enough to just be happy for the moments like these with him instead. 

They both fell silent and the weight of the situation ahead washed over them again. Ryuu tightened his arm around Noya and pulled him in closer. Neither one would ever say who did it first, but eventually they were both crying. 

Noya said, “I miss it already. I...don't wanna go work at Shimada Mart. I just wanna play volleyball and hang out with you! I miss Shouyo!” He wiped his eyes and nose on his sleeve. 

Ryuu was in no better shape, “What about me? You'll still see him when you go to help coach! I'll never see him again!” What had started as real tears quickly morphed into exaggerations. Ryuu practically bawled “Hinata!! I was such a good senpai! Tell me I was a good senpai, Noya-san!” 

Noya bawled too, “The best senpai, Ryuu!! I wish you were my senpai! I'll never get to do homework again!” 

Ryuu wailed back, “But we hated homework! Noya-saaaaan!” he pulled him into full hug. Noya was practically on his lap as they both wailed over their finished high school careers. 

It was over exaggerated and ridiculous, but it helped cover the real pain and fear they were both facing. So Noya cried back, “Ryuuuuuuuuuuu!” as he draped his arms over Tanaka's shoulders and just hung there. 

Tanaka hugged him even tighter and then finally their elaborate show was finished. Noya slipped out of Ryuu's arms and sat himself back up in front of the table. The silence was deafening. 

Ryuu was the first to break it. His voice came out small and a little weak, and so unlike his usual vigor. “Noya-san, are you going to move in with Asahi-san?” 

Noya's voice broke as he responded, “Yes.” Ryuu didn't say anything so Noya felt the need to elaborate. “I mean, I think it makes sense. We'll save money that way and...” he collected his thoughts and then let out a sigh as he said, “He got fired again. He just can't hold down a job. Every time it's the same thing. He messes up orders or gets caught giving out free food. It's just...always something. I mean, I know he means well, but without a steady job he can't really afford to...” Noya struggled to wrap his head around the situation and how much it was going to suck for him. Finally he ended it, “He could use my help.” He shrugged but it was half-hearted and if Ryuu could still read him like he used to be able to Noya knew he saw right through it. 

“O..oh...” Ryuu offered. “Noya-san....” Ryuu stopped himself.

“Huh?” Noya looked over at him. Noya's face was a little pale from the thoughts of the future, but it turned out Ryuu looked the same. 

“Never mind. You probably didn't want to hear it anyway,” Tanaka said. Then he thought better of it and instead said, “Just know that I think you can go really far in life, okay? I don't think you need to stay in Torono and work at a grocery store pushing a broom for your whole life. You...you're great and I think you could do anything you wanted to, okay?” Tanaka squared his shoulders in readiness for any potential backlash. 

Noya knew exactly what Ryuu was saying, but there wasn't really much choice left to him. Noya asked quietly, “Ryuu, are you moving to Tokyo with Kiyoko?” 

Ryuu blushed and then slumped his shoulders, “I honestly don't know. Maybe? I don't think I'd be any good to her, to be honest. I have a feeling if I moved in with her her parents might stop paying her rent. I don't think I could make enough to fill that gap. I'm not really qualified to do anything. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself.” 

Noya's mind screamed, 'come live with me!' but instead he said, “You do know how to fix cars and stuff. Why not try that?” 

Ryuu shrugged, “I dunno. I never really thought about it. I just figured I'd end up working at Takinoue Electronics or something. But I mean, yeah I do know how to do some mechanics stuff.” 

The silence went awkward before Noya tried to cover it with a laugh, “Guess maybe we uh, should have studied a little harder, eh?” 

Ryuu reached up and scratched his head and then burst into a smile as he said, “Nah! What fun'd that have been? This is an adventure! Not being qualified for anything! No idea what you're gonna do next!” 

Noya laughed again. “Yeah, Exactly! We totally planned it like that!” 

“Yeah!” Ryuu agreed. 

Noya leaned over and bumped his shoulder into Ryuu's side and said, “Hey man, you know, I'm really gonna miss you if you move to Tokyo.” 

Ryuu blurted out, “Then you should come with me!” Noya's mind reeled but Ryuu backpedaled fast, “I mean, you and Asahi-san should think about moving to Tokyo. I still think you could go pro if you wanted to and Tokyo seems like a good place to start!” 

Noya muttered, “Yeah.”

The room fell silent again for too long before Ryuu muttered, “Hey, Noya-san? We'll be alright, won't we?” 

Noya looked over at him and smiled weakly, “Of course, Ryuu. Hey! No matter what you've always got me, right?” 

Ryuu nodded, “Best bros....” 

“Forever and all that shit, right?” Noya added. “And hey, Ryuu? If...um...if things don't work out with Asahi-san and me or with you and Kiyoko just throwing this out there...I always used to think living with you'd be a ton of fun. You're like...family...so you know. Don't worry too much.” Noya laughed nervously. “I mean, I guess what I'm trying to say is just, you've always got me, right?” 

Ryuu nodded and agreed, “Of course.” His eyes brightened and he jumped up. “One more time, for old times sake?” He started punching his fists into the air. 

Noya caught on quick and jumped up too. They both went down on one knee and started pumping their fists up in the air while both yelling “SOI! SOI! SOI!” They collapsed into hysterics. Noya threw himself backwards on Ryuu's stomach and they both just laughed and laughed. It'd be alright. 

Right?


	10. Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Needle piercings happen.

June 2015

“Hey, there's a spill over in aisle 5, could you take care of it?” Shimada-san asked Noya as he walked by. 

“Yeah,” Noya answered. He put down the fruit he was stocking and then wiped his hands on his Shimada Mart apron. He sort of just did whatever they needed him to at any given moment. He didn't really have a specific job as much as Shimada was just helping him out and putting him on the payroll. Usually he just pushed a broom. 

Noya went into the back room and grabbed the mop, push bucket and wet floor sign and then made his way over to aisle 5. In his head he reminded himself 'only 2 more hours. Just gotta make it 2 more hours.' He let his mind wander as he set about cleaning up the mess. 

It wasn't a bad job. It certainty wasn't difficult, and Shimada Makota did take great pains to treat Noya like one of the family. But it was mind-numbingly boring. Noya had never considered himself a great thinker or intellectual, but doing work as mindless as this for a solid 8 or more hours a day really left his mind in a state to collect cobwebs. He hated it. 

Meanwhile his home life was no more stimulating. He'd go home from work, help make dinner and then sit in relative silence while he and Asahi ate. Asahi would usually read a book or something afterwards and Noya would watch some TV. Being sure the whole time to keep the volume down, so as not to disturb the neighbors and cause trouble for Asahi. Maybe they'd have sex, but to be honest, any real passion or fun in that had worn off a long time. If it had even been there in the first place. 

About that - Noya found sex to be rather boring, which was a strange thing to him considering how badly he'd wanted it. How much he'd looked forward to it. He'd tried hard to tell himself over the years that it wasn't anything to do with the fact that he'd been imagining things a little more, well, fun. But it was so bland, and always had been. They'd kiss a little, touch a little and then in the end Noya'd find himself on his stomach with his face pressed into the pillow as he usually tried to imagine some other scenario (or some other person). Asahi'd fuck him for a while and always fuss and worry as to if he'd hurt him or anything when all Noya really wanted was a little less of the worried questions and maybe a little more, he didn't know. Shouting his name? Maybe biting? That seemed kinda fun, actually. Noya was a very tactile person and everything about that seemed to be put on the back burner because the few times he'd tried anything Asahi-san had been hurt and so Noya just gave up. 

Noya put the mop in the bucket and then arranged the wet floor sign and tried to pull himself out of his thoughts. He dutifully put the mop and bucket back and then after washing his hands started arranging the fruit again. 

Was that even what a good relationship was? Noya had no idea, and it kinda bugged him. There wasn't even really anybody he could ask. What? Ask Ryuu? Never. Saeko? Possible, but too close to Ryuu. Ukai? That'd be a good option but then again, he was pretty much a Tanaka now too. Noya found himself stranded with nobody to confide in. It sucked. 

The one high point of his days was when he'd go join Ukai in coaching Karasuno. It was literally the only thing he found himself looking forward to regularly. It made things painfully clear how badly he needed volleyball in his life. 

But even Coaching wasn't really enough to spark enough fire of life in him. God, everything was dull. Maybe he should do something crazy? Something Ryuu would approve of? (And Asahi-san wouldn't.) Maybe get a tattoo? Nah, that could bar him from the volleyball career he still sometimes dreamed of. Maybe...a piercing? 

Noya placed another apple on the top of the display and watched blankly as it rolled down from its perch. He effortlessly caught it and then laughed. It was a mirthless and hallow laugh. He was only a few months into 'the rest of his life' and it was the most utterly stale thing he'd ever experienced. 

Shimada walked behind him and stopped short. Concern painted his face as he asked, “Noya, are you alright?” He walked over and put a hand on Noya's shoulder and then carefully took the apple and placed it back on the display. “Hey, why don't you get out of here a bit early today? We're not really busy, if you'd like a little more time at home....” Noya looked up at him. Shimada was alarmed by the lack of energy he saw in this poor kids eyes. The kid who had previously been the rowdiest of the bunch seemed to have life bearing down on him, hard. “Come on, I'll even still pay you for the last hour. Just go enjoy yourself, okay?” 

Noya nodded and said, “Thank you,” politely and then walked to the staff room. He opened his locker and carelessly tossed in his apron and then grabbed his bag and headed out. 'How did I end up like this?' He didn't know it, but Shimada was wondering the same thing about him. How did Nishinoya Yuu lose all his energy and vibrancy? 

Noya started his walk home but as he reached the apartment building he stopped at the door and waited. His hand hovered over the door knob. His thoughts raced. Asahi-san should be home by now. He muttered, “I don't want to....” and then made up his mind to do something else. He turned on his heel and walked away. He didn't know where he was going, or what he was doing, but it beat going home and sitting there in the quiet, so as to not disturb the neighbors. Or working at his boring job. Or having boring sex. Or any of it.   
He picked up his pace and ran down the street until he was sure he was far enough away from home that Asahi wouldn't see him. He pulled out his phone and did a quick google search and found that his answer was in Aoba Ward, Sendai. He hopped on a bus and started his journey. 

Noya fidgeted in his seat as he looked at the address on his phone. It would be fun. It would be fine. There would probably be some fallout when Asai-san found out, but he'd get over it. Noya couldn't help the grin that spread across his face as his finger hovered over his contacts list in his phone. Finally he said, “Fuck it,” and clicked on the name 'Tanaka RYUU'. He typed out a quick message, “Gonna do something dumb, wish me luck,” and hit send. A few seconds later he got his response. “Ganbatte Noya-san!” Noya let out a laugh at the text that immediately followed, “Oh, also, should I be worried?” Noya typed out “ Nahhhhhh” and hit send. 

He got off the bus a whole two stops too early just because he needed to walk instead. He was nervous, but also excited. It was such a dumb idea, but god, it really made him feel alive for the first time in months. He finally found the place and took a deep breath as he opened the door to Pierce Shop & Bar REBEL.

He stepped into the dimly lit room and was greeted with cabinets of piercing jewelry and then he noticed the tank on the side of the room. A snake was looking back at him. Noya's neck felt prickly with goosebumps, but it was a good feeling. As he walked a little farther in, waiting for somebody to help him, he noticed several more tanks of snakes. The room was set up a bit like a bar, but all had the feeling of being thrown together and a little shady. It made Noya feel alive. 

“What can I do for ya?” a woman with shaved hair and lots of piercings stepped in from the back room. Noya noticed the snake on her t-shirt and wondered what he'd gotten himself into. But never give up, right? 

“Hey, I was thinking of getting my ears pierced, or something,” He said as he stepped closer. 

She gave him a look and asked, “How old are you?” 

Noya stood up straighter and said, “18. Just because I'm short doesn't mean...” he started to blurt out an angry retort. 

He was cut off by her laughter, “Nah, It's fine man. Don't care. If you've got the money, it's cool. Come take a look.” 

Noya looked over the available jewelry and settled on 2 simple matching silver rings and then a 3rd smaller one for the cartilage on his right ear. He figured he might as well make it count since he knew, deep down, he'd have to deal with an argument when he got home. He paid up and got ready. 

The woman led Noya over to a chair in a small area that might have been a closet at one point. The lighting was better here though which made him thankful. The woman explained, “I'm using this kind of needle for the piercing. It'll hurt a little, but it ain't that bad. K?” Noya nodded. She washed her hands and put on gloves and then took the clamp and placed it gently on Noya's ear. She lined up the needle and said, “Take a deep breath in and then a slow breath out, K?” Noya obliged. She pressed the needle quickly through the hole in the clamp and through his ear while he exhaled. 

It stung a little, but it honestly didn't hurt much at all. Noya was relieved because if it had been terrible getting the other 2 done would have been kind of awful. The women slipped the jewelry in and then disinfected the area and moved on to the other ear. The cartilage piercing was more of the same and then he heard the woman saying “There, yer done, like it?” as she held a mirror up for him to see. 

He did, in fact. He looked different. A little bit rougher than before, and he liked that. His small stature always made looking older or less gentle a struggle so this was a step in the right direction. He gave the snakes a few quick looks on his way out and then headed home. 

The whole bus ride he felt so much calmer. His ears hurt a little, but it felt so good. It was so fucking good to do something new. He let his mind wander again as he leaned his head back against the headrest. He had to be careful to avoid his fresh piercings. 

What would Asahi-san say? Did he even care? What other new things could he do to avoid the boredom? What would he even say when Asahi questioned him about why? He found himself wishing, deep down, that he was going home to Ryuu instead. Ryuu would have thought it was cool. He'd have been supportive and happy for Noya. But that probably wasn't likely from Asahi. Fuck. 

Finally it was 3 hours past the time Noya should have been home and as he stepped up to his front door he had to take a deep breath to make sure he didn't snap at Asahi as soon as he opened the door. He just knew it was going to be bad. 

He dreaded opening the door more than he had the piercings. So he took the same method he'd just learned. He took a deep breath in and then on the slow exhale he opened the door. Asahi looked up from where he was cutting onions for dinner. Noya groaned internally. He knew Noya hated onions. 

Asahi put down the knife and washed his hands quickly. He then focused his full attention on Noya. Noya threw his bag down next to the front door and slipped off his shoes without saying anything. Finally Asahi said, “You got your ears pierced.” It wasn't a question, it was just a statement. 

It pissed Noya off, but he swallowed his anger and said, “Yeah. I did,” as calmly as possible. He pulled out a chair at their small kitchen table and sat down. 

Asahi said gently, “They suit you. Though I wish you didn't have to harm yourself like that.” 

Noya felt relief wash over him. It hadn't been like he'd though. Why did he always assume the worst from Asahi? “Thanks. I like them. Feels right,” he said. 

Asahi turned back to his onion and carefully said, “There was a call for you earlier. I told him to call back later. I expect he'll call soon.” 

Noya raised his eyebrow and asked, “Who?” 

Asahi hummed, “I'm not sure. It sounded official though, so I figured I shouldn't take a message. I didn't want to get anything wrong.” 

“Oh. Thanks,” Noya offered. 

“Your food is already ready, if you're hungry. Sorry, I wanted onion in mine so I'm making mine separate. You can start eating without me if you want. I'm sure you had a long day.” Asahi nodded over to the pot on the hot plate at their small kitchenette.

Noya felt awful for being upset. Of course Asahi wouldn't intentionally do anything that mean. It was just this whole boring, mundane life had him so on edge he was starting to assume the worst of everything. 

The phone rang and Noya jumped. Nobody ever used their land-line so it was weird hearing it ring. He jumped up, assuming it was this mysterious call for him and picked up. “Moshi-moshi?” 

The voice on the other end of the phone was professional as it simply cut to the chase, “Is this Nishinoya Yuu?” 

Noya was instantly concerned. What the fuck? He finally decided it was best to be firm, “Yes. Who is this?”

“This is Nambu Masashi, I'm the Coach for the Men's National Volleyball Team. I understand you're a libero, Nishinoya-san?” 

Noya's mind reeled, “Yes, I am!” He tapped his fingers on the table next to the phone as he waited to hear what came next. He tried to keep his heart from soaring while he waited. 

“I've got an offer for you. Could you possibly come to Tokyo in a few weeks to play a few trial games with us?” 

Noya was pretty sure his heart stopped. Oh my god, was this it? Was this finally it? The answer? Tokyo! Volleyball! Oh my god, Ryuu's in Tokyo! Ryuu's in Tokyo.... “Yes! Yes! I'd love to, I can do that. Yes!” 

Ryuu's in Tokyo too!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pierce shop & Bar REBEL is a place in Sendai - (http://pierce-shop-bar-rebel.business.site/) Yes - apparently they have snakes. The woman and everything is my own creation, however. I simply used the name and setting. 
> 
> Nambu Masashi was the Head Coach of Japan's Mens National Volleyball Team from 2014-2016.


	11. Volleyball

August 2015

“How was Tokyo? How's Ryuu doing?” Asahi asked as he calmly sipped coffee from his mug. 

Noya bounced on the balls of his feet. “Amazing! Wonderful! Perfect! There's always something happening! And Ryuu was a great host, considering I just randomly showed up! Tokyo's just, oh my god, Asahi-san! I can't wait! Oh! And Kiyoko's doing good too” Nishinoya flailed his arms around in large gestures as he tried to explain what made Tokyo so great. “And I didn't get to go to skytree but like, everything else was amazing! There's so much to do and so many people to meet! Oh and the team is great! We meshed really well. The Coach can't wait for me to start. Oh my god, Asahi-san, It's finally happening!!” 

Asahi took another sip of coffee and contemplated the news. A sad smile crossed his lips as he offered, “I'm happy for you, Nishinoya.” 

Noya practically screamed, “You mean happy for us! We'll have to move really soon so I can start hitting practice. But can you just imagine it, Asahi-san?” Noya lifted up his thumb and pointed it at his chest, “Nishinoya Yuu! Libero extraordinaire! Guarding the backs of the best in Japan!” Noya's shoulders suddenly fell as he noticed Asahi's general lack of excitement. His voice turned cold, “Asahi-san.” 

Asahi looked up at him and smiled weakly, “Hm?” 

Noya narrowed his eyes as he looked at him, “What's wrong? You told me this was okay. I only went to the try out because you told me this was okay....” Noya looked angry. 

Asahi shook his head and muttered, “It's fine. It's nothing.” The silence filled the room and weighed on them both until Asahi pointed out, “Don't you have to go Coach at Karasuno today?” 

Noya's eyes flickered to the clock on the wall and he yelled, “Shit!” as he grabbed his Karasuno jacket and rushed towards the door. He paused for a second, with his hand hovering over the doorknob. He turned back and looked at Asahi sadly and firmly pointed out, “We'll talk about this later. Think about it.” He turned the doorknob and stepped out of their apartment. He thought he was leaving the tension behind, but he wasn't. 

He was agitated the whole walk uphill to Karasuno. He was even more agitated as he entered the 2nd Gym and found that Coach Ukai wasn't there yet. But the annoyance didn't last long as soon as Hinata came jogging over to him. 

“Hey! Noya!” 

“Shouyou!” Nishinoya yelled out as he gave the small wing spiker a high five. “What's the deal? Where's Ukai?” 

Hinata shook his head but offered a small ray of sunshine, “But I already got everybody warmed up, so we're ready for whatever drills you've got planned today.” 

Noya reached over the rustled Hinata's mop of orange hair and proclaimed, “What a responsible Captain! Nice job Shoyou!” 

Hinata beamed. “Thanks Coach!” It didn't take long for the two of them to descend into giggles over the whole Coach Nishinoya thing. 

Noya fought out between laughs, “Alright! I want you guys practicing serves right now! We'll follow that with an A vs B team game later. Get to it!” Noya felt a presence walk up beside him and when he looked over he saw Ukai. “Well, well, well. Look who it is. The prodigal Coach.” 

Ukai muttered, “Shut it. I had some shit to deal with.” He glanced down at Noya and then focused his eyes on the team as the began to practice their serves. “Noya.” 

Concern painted Nishinoya's face as he looked up at Ukai, “What?” 

Ukai groaned, “Just...do me a favor. Do yourself a favor and answer me truthfully.” He looked back down and locked eyes with Noya. “Do you think you'd be happy without volleyball in your life?” 

The question was direct, and Ukai didn't seem to be joking. It took Noya aback, “What? I don't underst....” 

“If you can't play volleyball, would you still be happy? If you stay here in Torono, working at Shimada Mart every day and helping me Coach these dumb kids every night. Would you be happy with that?” 

Noya narrowed his eyes and he knew the answer, deep down. He trained his vision onto the court where he watched Hinata nail a jump serve. He'd come so far since his first year, and Nishinoya had helped every bit of the way. But it wasn't enough to know he'd helped others play well. He needed to play well too. “No.” he answered. 

Ukai sighed, “I figured. Look Noya, if you have to give up Coaching Karasuno, I'll understand. Just...promise me you'll do what you need to and not let anybody else drive your decision. Volleyball's a sport where you're always looking up, yeah?” 

Noya didn't entirely understand why this conversation was happening. He got the distinct impression Ukai knew something he didn't, and he had an inkling he knew what it was. Dread settled in the pit of his stomach. “Yeah,” he answered. And then turned his attention to the court. “Nice one Yamaguchi!” 

Practice finished without any issues and it left Noya exhausted, but fulfilled. He liked Coaching the kids, but even more than that he loved the feel of the ball against his forearms. The weight hitting the meat of his arms just right and the way it felt when he expertly directed the receive to the setter. The sting it left there on his pale skin. All of it. The sweat, the tears, and exhaustion. The strain, the intensity, and speed. He belonged on a volleyball court. 

Hinata ran up to him after practice and fell into step next to him on the walk down the hill. The rest of the team followed in waves down to Skanoshita Shop where Hinata was going to buy them all meat buns, a tradition at Karasuno. “So, you got in?” 

Noya nodded, they might be student and Coach now, but Hinata was first and foremost his friend. His adorable little kouhai who knew how to cheer up anybody. The not-as-little-anymore kouhai who's smile lit up a room. “Oh my god, Nishinoya-senpai! I'm so happy for you!” He smiled and then added, “Hey! You'll put in a good word for me, right?!” 

Noya laughed, “You self-serving bastard! Can't you just be happy for me for once?!” He had a little more bounce in his step now. Being around Hinata did that to anybody. 

“Gotta look out for number one!” Hinata chuckled, but then he turned serious and added, “Really, Noya, I'm so happy for you. We'll all miss you here, but this is the chance of a life-time. You'll be great.” 

Noya's eyes sparkled as he looked at Hinata. “My little kouhai's all grown up! When did you become so dependable and smart?” He ruffled Hinata's hair again for about the 4th time that night. 

Hinata giggled, “Well, I had some great senpai to show me the way! Hey, how was Tanaka?”

Noya swallowed thickly. “He's doing really good, actually!” 

“That's good! I miss Tanaka. But I think it's good that you'll be in Tokyo with him now. You guys kinda belong together.” 

Noya's breath caught in his throat and he choked out a flustered “eh?” 

“You were like best bros! You always had each others backs and ours. You were just...a force to be reckoned with. Nobody could touch us when we had you guarding our backs and Tanaka as ace. You guys just work really well together. That's all.” Hinata explained. Seriously? When did Hinata grow up?

“Ah. Yeah. I miss him. It'll be good to get to hang out again,” Noya offered, a little wistfully. He tried desperately to shut up the part of his stomach that was telling him he wouldn't get to. 

“And then next year when I'm on the National team too we can all hang out again!” Hinata quipped. 

Noya laughed, “In your dreams!” 

“Oi! Dumbass!” Kageyama's gruff voice split through their reveille and caused them both to jump. “Are you treating us today, or not?” He nodded into the door of the small store. 

“Yeah! Yeah! Hold your horses, stupid Kageyama!” Hinata called and then offered to Noya, “You want a meat bun, senpai? Er, Coach?” His smile helped settle Noya's stomach a little. 

“No thanks, I've gotta get home. See ya later, Shouyo!” Noya called as he turned to finish his walk home. 

“Bye-Bye!” Hinata called behind him. 

Then Noya found himself alone and in the quiet again. It was great to see Shouyo and Ukai and even Kageyama and the others. But he always felt lonely when practice was over and he had to head home. He wasn't sure if the time with them made things better or worse. 

His mind started racing again as he neared his apartment building. He couldn't get rid of the feeling of dread overwhelming him. He didn't want to believe it, but he just knew it was coming. He fought back the preemptive tears as he opened the door and found Asahi sitting at the table, reading a book. His voice was harsh as he cut to the chase, “Asahi-san, we need to talk.” 

Asahi looked up and nodded. He carefully placed a bookmark between the pages of his book and closed it. He folded his hands on the table in front of him and waited for Noya to sit down across from him. “I talked to Ukai, I thought you should know.” 

Noya's head spun, oh god, he knew it. “I figured. What did you talk about?” He tried hard to keep his breathing steady and prevent any angry outbursts before they happened. 

“About you. I asked him what his opinion was of you and volleyball. He seemed to think you'd only really be happy if you took the spot on the National team.” Asahi spoke gently, it wasn't passionate, just matter-of-fact. 

Noya's eyes blazed, “Of course! Why is this even a question? You know how much I've always wanted this! And now it's here! It's mine!....It's ours...for the taking. Asahi-san, don't do this....” Noya was begging and pleading internally that he was wrong. 

“I'm sorry, Nishinoya.” 

Noya's world crashed down around him. Everything he'd hoped and dreamed for. Everything he wanted. He felt it all fall just out of his reach as Asahi pulled him back to the ground. He had been ready to fly, and now he felt himself being firmly grounded. “You..can't...You said....” he swallowed. Angry now he spat out, “You said!”

Asahi raised his voice ever so slightly and miserably answered, “I was wrong. I thought I could do it, but I just can't. You know I'd be terrible in Tokyo. It's too big, there's too many people. I'd never be able to hold down a job. And I've finally got the florists job and it's what I wanted. I can't, Nishinoya.” Asahi steadied himself and finished, “But you should go.” 

Noya saw red. So now he was going to play the martyr? “Do you want me to leave then?! Is this over? Is that what you want?!” He stood up and punched his balled fist into the kitchen counter top. “Is that what you want, Asahi-san? For me to leave?” 

Asahi was even more miserable as he pleaded, “No, I didn't mean that. You know I didn't mean that. But I just can't go with you. But I would never hold you back, you know that. You should....”

Nishinoya spat, “Maybe I will! Maybe I should have a long time ago! This place is miserable and you are too!” Noya felt the tears sting his eyes. “You said...we agreed....” 

Asahi said steadily, “So go.” 

Noya felt his heart ripped out and his dreams smashed. What was even happening? Was Asahi really doing this? Making him choose? His volleyball career or his relationship? What kind of question even is that? 

Noya stared determined at Asahi. “Asahi-san. Do you want me to leave?” He narrowed his eyes but the tears still fell down his cheeks. 

Asahi met his eyes and answered simply, “No.” 

Noya's legs gave out from underneath him and he crashed to the floor in a heap. He muttered as he pounded his fist on the floor, “You were supposed to come with me. I wanted you to come with me. You said....we agreed....” 

Asahi whispered, “I'm sorry. You're better off without me though.” 

Noya didn't know what to do or think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry. 
> 
> Also - Please don't hate Nishinoya. It's very hard to be in a relationship where the person doesn't support your dreams and instead tells you to leave and follow them on your own. As relationships get older sometimes the spark leaves and that's where Noya and Asahi are. I'm sorry for dragging it out, but that's life. Life isn't always pretty or neat. Relationships are messy, especially bad ones. And I hope I've done a decent enough job showing that this is a bad relationship. For *both* of them. 
> 
> Ryuu is coming back soon. I promise.


	12. Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it has to get worse before it gets better.

December 2015

Noya stayed. He'd cleared his head and thought about the good things he had here with Asahi. He decided the relationship was worth saving. And it sucked that Asahi wouldn't come to Tokyo. It sucked hard. But compromises have to made in relationships and Noya knew he needed to stop being a whiny little bitch and man up. He chose Asahi. It wasn't easy, and each day brought challenges, but he stayed the course. 

When he'd broken the news to Ryuu it hadn't gone well. Ryuu had tried to talk him out of his choice. He'd had some things to say about Asahi that weren't very nice and Noya hated him for saying them. He hated Ryuu for saying the things he'd been thinking just a few weeks prior. He saw himself in Ryuu and how he'd wanted to give up and he hated that. 

So when Ryuu told him “Oh I fucking get that alright!? He's been your top priority since fucking forever. And don't fucking treat me like I don't know what love is!! If Asahi really fucking loved you he'd drop everything in that hell hole of a town and come with you. That's just some lazy bull shit answer like he always gives and you. Fucking. Know. It.” 

And so Noya had snapped. He knew it might not be rational to lash out at his best friend for vocalizing the things he'd felt not long ago himself. But he had to, for his sanity. He'd made his choice and he couldn't be wishy-washy about it. That wasn't like him and he was desperately grasping out for something that felt like who he was. And that was making a choice, sticking to it, and working hard towards it. So he was. 

The fight had been bad. He'd hung up the phone angry and he'd ignored Ryuu's calls and texts until they slowly stopped coming. It hurt, but if his friend wasn't going to support him and his decision then he needed to....he needed to....cut him out. And so he did. 

He felt a hole in his life where Ryuu used to fit. The calls, the texts, almost 4 years of friendship left a gaping hole. He thought about saying sorry. Trying to fix it. Trying to fix this. But that felt like admitting Ryuu had been right, and he really couldn't do that. 

A messily wrapped gift sat under the Christmas tree addressed to 'Ryuu.' Noya had realized after purchasing it he probably wouldn't ever get the chance to give it to him. It sat nestled among the gifts to and from Asahi and other friends and family. Noya had wanted to get together with people on Christmas Eve, because 'Christmas Eve is for family' but nobody had shared his sentiment. He missed Ryuu once again. He wondered if he was in town for Christmas. He probably was, just down the street. Ukai'd be there with Saeko. Noya missed the family he'd once been a part of. 

No. Eyes forward. Volleyball is a sport where you're always looking up. All wasn't lost. He had Asahi and they were spending the evening together and it was calm and nice. Noya scratched his chest through his ugly Christmas sweater with snowmen on it. He let out a gaping yawn. 

“Tired?” Asahi asked. His sweater had Santa faces on it. Hideous little white fuzzy pom-poms were sewn on for the ends of the hats. “You can go to bed if you want. We can do this tomorrow.” Asahi was leaned back against the table with Noya snuggled up next to him while they both watched the blinking rainbow lights on the Christmas tree. 

“It's fine,” Noya said around another yawn. “Just tired from work, but what else is new?” He suddenly found a spark of energy and leaned forward, clawing his way towards the gifts under the tree. “Here!” he leaned back into Asahi's arm triumphantly and handed him the package. 

Asahi fumbled with the paper. It wasn't wrapped neatly, like the ones from Asahi were, but it was charming none-the-less. He tore the paper off with both hands, bringing Noya in closer to him as he used his arm that was wrapped around him. Asahi let out a soft sound of surprise as he saw what Noya had gifted to him. 

“How did you know?” Asahi ran his fingers over the glossy cover of the hardback book. He read the title 'Genji Monogatari' in pretty gold kanji. “You know I haven't read this in ages, but it's one of my favorites. It's beautifully written.” 

Noya laughed, “That's what the back cover says. I'm pretty sure I was supposed to read that for class but I couldn't tell you if I did or not. Oh well.” Noya leaned his head back into the crook of Asahi's arm and enjoyed the warmth. 

“But I've never mentioned it, how did you know?” Asahi seemed truly confused, and stuck on this point. 

“Come on! I saw you eyeing that at the bookstore last month. I picked it up the next day. I might seem stupid, but I'm really not, ya know?” Noya gently jabbed his elbow into Asahi's side. 

“Ow! I know, I know!” Asahi laughed too. It was a nice evening. A little lonelier than Noya would have liked, but nice. Snow had started falling a few hours ago and he could see the hush covering the streets as he looked out the sliding door to their balcony. 

Noya leaned forward again and grabbed his gift from Asahi and he pulled it over onto his lap. “My turn!” he yelled as he tore open the neatly wrapped gift. It had confused him for weeks. It felt like a book, but Asahi-san wouldn't get him a book. He knew Noya wouldn't want a....the wrapping paper revealed a book. “Oh....” Noya said as his shoulders sunk a little. 

His eyes took in the title and image. It was a large, nicely bound book. A coffee table book, filled with color photographs of Tokyo. 'Tokyo: In Images' the title read. Noya quietly flipped it open and felt his heart sink a little lower with each image he saw. 

Asahi cleared his throat, “I know you like Tokyo and since we couldn't....I thought you might like to see Tokyo like this instead?” Asahi sounded hopeful. That made it hurt even more. 

“Oh.” Noya let it sink in. The world he had desperately wanted to be a part of, but couldn't if he wanted to keep his relationship. Why would anyone have thought this was a nice gift? It felt like a slap across the face. Noya tried not to think of it that way. He knew Asahi hadn't. “Thanks.” 

Asahi continued to look worried as Noya carefully flipped through the pages. He stopped on one. A small photo in the upper right of the page of a spread about Sendagaya. Noya's fingers trembled as they ran across the picture of the Tokyo Metropolitan Gymnasium. His heart hurt. 

Asahi cut through Noya's thoughts, “Nishinoya, I'm sorry, I can get you something else lat....”

“No. I like it. Thank you, Asahi-san!” Noya put on a smile and looked at Asahi hoping it was convincing. It sucked. He hated being shown everything he couldn't have. But he knew that was being uncharitable, and he didn't want it to cause a fight. Not on Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve is for family. And Asahi was his family now. He muttered softer, “Thank you.” 

They sat in silence, the blinking tree lights casting strange shadows in the dark. Noya thought he saw Asahi wiping his eyes. He also thought he saw a drop of water stain the page where the picture of the Gym was. But that would be silly. Who would cry over a picture book? Not Nishinoya. 

“What's left over there?” Asahi asked. Noya tried to ignore the small sniffle that accompanied the question. 

“Oh um....our gifts to Ukai and your parents and....” Noya swallowed hard. No sense keeping it secret, it'd been sitting there for Asahi to see for weeks now. “My gift to Ryuu.” 

Concern lined Asahi's face as he asked, “Nishinoya....what happened between you two?” 

Noya's eyes widened as he looked up at Asahi. “N...nothing!” Asahi looked at him pointedly and he caved. “We had an argument. It's no big deal. We'll figure it out eventually.” 

“You should make up with him. He's your oldest friend. It would be silly to throw that away,” Asahi offered. He reached out and pulled Noya back into his arm and ran his fingers through his hair. 

Noya yawned again, “Yeah....I'll work on that.” He fell asleep like that, his heart still aching for Tokyo and the hole his friend had left. The Christmas lights continued to blink and the snow continued to fall. Asahi sighed deeply. 

Over the following week all the presents were given to their new homes, save one. 

January rolled around and the tree came down and so the lonely gift found its way to the table. 

And then the bookshelf. 

And finally the back of Nishinoya's side of the closet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Tale of Genji - "Genji Monogatari" is an 11th century piece of writing considered by some to be the world's first novel. It is a piece of Japanese literature written by a noblewoman of the time. 
> 
> Tokyo Metropolitan Gymnasium is a world class facility that hosts National and International sporting events. It is one of the gyms that Japan's National Men's Volleyball team uses for training and event hosting.


	13. Stranded

August 2016

Noya watched the seconds tick by as he leaned on the broom handle. He was staring listlessly again and more than anything it worried Shimada. He knew the boss in him should be upset at Noya's lack of work ethic these days, but he was first and foremost worried about him. 

“If you've got time to lean, you've got time to clean,” Shimada quipped as he walked past Noya. He stopped in his tracks when his words elicited no response. Taking a step back he tried to reach him again. “Hey, Nishinoya! Are you alright? I can't keep paying you to just stand there. You're not pretty enough for that.” 

Noya's eyes were glazed over as he looked at Shimada and mumbled some incoherent gibberish. He leaned a little too far into the broom handle and finally went crashing to the ground on top of it. Noya moaned in pain as a jagged part of the now broken handle dug into his thigh. “Fuck,” he managed to find real words this time. 

Shimada jumped to help him. He carefully helped lift Noya up off the broken broom pieces. “Good lord, Noya. What's gotten into you lately?” he demanded, but then softened and asked, “Are you alright? How bad are you hurt?” 

Noya tried putting his weight on his leg. It hurt, but it wasn't unbearable. “I'll be fine. Erm...you can take the cost of the broom out of my check. I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention.” Noya bowed at the waist in apology. 

Shimada gently pushed him upright by the shoulders. “Don't worry about it. Just...you seem to be not paying attention a lot lately. Is everything alright at home?” 

Noya nodded and then awkwardly ran his fingers through the long parts of his hair. “Yeah, I'm sorry. It's fine. I'm just not all here right now. I'm really sorry about the broom.” Noya looked down at the broken pieces and his memory flashed back to high school. He frowned as he stated, “It's not the first time I've had this kind of trouble with brooms.” 

Shimada raised an eyebrow but could only keep his laughter in for a few seconds. “What? Are you sure you didn't hit your head?” he laughed. 

“Nah. A long time ago Asahi-san and I got into a pretty bad fight and we accidentally broke a broom. Suga-san ended up treating it as some sort of symbol. Like if they could fix the broom they could fix us. I guess it worked, he did come back to the team eventually. I think that was really more Shouyo's doing than anything else though,” Noya narrowed his eyes at the broom and considered his options for the problem facing him now. 

“You wanna fix this one too?” Shimada half joked. 

“No. It's probably time to just trash it,” Noya said firmly. 

Shimada was surprised by his serious answer. He reached down and picked up the pieces and said, “Alright. I'll take care of this. You go find something productive to do.” He looked sad as Noya shuffled away. He thought Noya looked like a broken man. Why was life being so hard on that boy? 

An hour later Noya found himself at the time-clock punching out. On his way out the door he noticed the broken broom pieces sticking out of the dumpster that was tucked around the back of the store. “Yeah, that looks about right,” he whispered to himself. 

He skipped going home and went straight to Karasuno instead. Well, almost. It was way too early for practice so he ducked into the Sakanoshita Shop first to grab something quick for dinner. Ukai was still watching the counter since they had over an hour until practice. 

“Oh. Hey,” Ukai called from over his manga. He gave Noya one good look and then offered, “Pick a nikuman, on the house. We've got some anman now too.” 

Noya nodded and said, “Thanks,” as he grabbed one of the meat buns out of the warmer. He took a bite and it helped. He still needed to ask though, “Do I really look that bad?” 

Ukai frowned and considered for a second before going with the truth, “Yeah. What's eatin' you?” 

Noya grabbed onto the back of one of the chairs at the small table and dragged it over to the counter. He sat down facing Ukai and began his rant, all the while speaking between bites of the meat bun. “It's this fucking place! Nothing ever happens here! Do you know that the same old lady comes into the grocery story every single day and says the exact same thing to me? She tells me I should take 'those earrings out so you look like a handsome young man and not some riff-raff.' Every. Single. Day. I wake up; I go to work. I maybe go home for an hour or so and then I go coach. And that's the highlight of my day, to be honest. And that's like, it makes it even worse. Shouyou and everybody else aren't even there anymore. You know where Shouyou is? You know where Kageyama is? Do you? Tokyo! Ryuu's in Tokyo! Kiyoko's in Tokyo! Everybody's in Tokyo and I'm stuck in this god forsaken shit hole where nothing ever happens and I'm going to die working at Shimada Mart with a fucking broom in my hand. Which, I broke today, by the way!” Noya was animatedly waving his arms around as he vented. 

Ukai took it all in and hoped that getting it off his chest would help Noya out. He leaned back and put his feet up on the counter and glanced at the clock. An hour to go. He grabbed his pack of cigarettes and waved them at Noya silently asking for permission. 

“Go ahead. It doesn't fucking matter anymore anyway. Shit. I might as well have one too. Today seems like a good day to start a bad fucking habit. It's not like I'm an athlete anymore anyway. Give me one of those!” he snarled as he reached out towards Ukai's cigarettes. 

Ukai carefully pulled the ashtray and pack of smokes towards him and then stashed them behind the counter and out of reach. “Never mind. I don't want one anymore,” he muttered and hoped Noya dropped his stupid idea. 

Noya let out a disgusted noise, “Fine. Whatever!” Ukai didn't respond and it hit Noya how unreasonable he was being. He slumped his shoulders and stuffed the final bite of dough into his mouth and mumbled “sorry.” 

“Nah. I asked, didn't I? But Noya you....ugh,” Ukai fought for words, “If it means that much to you just go. Relationships aren't everything. Sure it might suck to break up but if you really are that unhappy here, and he really won't move away with you....somethings gotta give. And I don't want it to be your sanity. And from the looks of things you're dangerously close to that these days. Just...go....” Ukai let out a deep sigh. He figured his words were useless, but he needed to say them anyway. Noya really needed to find his way out of his mess and it sucked, it was cruel, but the most logical way for that to happen was for him to just end his relationship. 

Noya closed his eyes and leaned his head back and moaned. “I know. I know. But I just...You know I love him, right? I know everybody thinks I don't. Maybe I'm too mean to him, I don't know. But I do care about him. I honestly don't think I'm in love with him anymore, but I do still love him. He's been there for me for a long time and I just can't wrap my head around abandoning him like that. He'll never keep a job down on his own. You know he got fired?” Noya took a breath and then sighed out, “Again. This time he was giving away too many flowers. He swears it was only the slightly wilty ones, but of course the owner didn't see his side. And you know how angry that made me? But Asahi-san? Nothing. Why won't he even get angry for himself? I just....I don't know what to do about any of it.” 

Ukai took a deep breath and said, “I'm going to say somethings you need to hear, and you probably won't like it but you need to promise me you'll just hear me out. I know you didn't listen when Tanaka tried to tell you.” 

Noya's shoulders slumped even farther down as he leaned forward and rested his chin on the edge of the counter. His face began to squish down against it as he said, “Hit me.” 

“You can't spend your whole life pushing somebody who doesn't want to be pushed. Asahi's a good guy, don't get me wrong. And heaven knows he's come a long way since I first met him, but you can't keep trying to drag him along with your grand plans for life. He's content where he is and if being in Torono makes him happy then who are you to try to take that from him? You know there's an easy answer to this, but you just don't have the balls to take it. Break it off. You guys are a bad match and I think any of your friends can tell you that, but nobody will. Because they all know what happened to Tanaka when he tried.” Ukai wasn't mincing words. He was really laying it all out and Noya hated it.

Noya moaned but continued to accept his fate. “Anything else?” His face scrunched even farther into the counter-top. It was like he was melting into the furniture and he almost wished that were true. 

“You should have taken the opportunity on the National team. That's a once in a life-time dream that you threw away. For what? A life that makes you absolutely miserable? That's a bad trade off, Nishinoya. And to be honest you're probably making Asahi miserable too. He's not stupid. He knows what you gave up to be with him. I bet that eats away at him. Just....my god Noya. Grow the fuck up and end it already,” Ukai paused for a moment and then pushed a little farther, “Kiyoko did.” 

Noya didn't understand that last part and assumed he heard it wrong. “Huh?” He slowly peeled his face off the counter and leaned back in his chair. 

Ukai sighed and crossed his arms over his chest, “Tanaka called earlier to talk to Saeko. Kiyoko broke up with him. Apparently....” Ukai shifted uneasily, “she seemed to think he was in love with somebody else. So she ended things before they wasted any more of each others time. And I have to say it, Noya, but if Kiyoko can grow the balls to end her relationship, I'm pretty sure you can.” 

Nishinoya's head reeled. What? She left him? But why? Ryuu was the best guy he knew and he couldn't believe anybody would ever want to leave him. “I don't...you're saying Ryuu's all alone now in Tokyo? Is he okay? I should call him. What if he's not okay?” Noya began to panic. 

Ukai set his jaw firmly and said, “Yeah, you should call him. He's all alone in Tokyo right now. That must be awful for him. Might be nice for him to have a friend around.” 

Noya's world was spun upside down again and he wanted to set things right. He really did. 

But he didn't. He didn't grow the balls to do what he needed to. He didn't muster up the courage to call Ryuu. He didn't do any of it. He just kept on taking breaths, wasting space, and throwing his life away. Life's a bitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nikuman – pork buns  
> Anman – similar to the pork buns but with red bean filling instead.
> 
> Thank fucking finally! The time-line needed to fit with Tanaka's portion of the fic and I didn't want any massive multi year jumps so I had to bridge that gap. Thanks to anybody who stuck around this far. But I promise. Next chapter. Ryuu's back. You have my word. This portion of pain is very, very close to being finished. I swear this fic has a happy ending. 
> 
> There's a lot of very real and true to life struggles in Noya's side of the story, and I hope you can all consider them and maybe even learn something from them. Follow your dreams. Trust Noya, the alternative sucks. 
> 
> "Volleyball is a sport where you're always looking up." - Ukai Keishin


	14. Tokyo; Finally

April 2017

“What the hell does that mean?!” Noya screamed across the apartment. This fight was bad, and only getting worse. 

“That's not what I meant, and you know it,” Asahi answered back loudly. 

“Oh, isn't it?” Noya was livid. “Nice of you to finally fucking find your back-bone, eh? About god damn time!” 

“Nishinoya!” Asahi's words were firm. He had, indeed, found the courage to have this argument.

“Oh what!? What the fuck is it now?” Noya's fight or flight instincts were getting ready to give up on the fight and turn to flight instead. He grabbed his red bag and headed to the bedroom. 

“Nishinoya!” Asahi tried again to get his attention. He followed him into their bedroom and stood in the doorway waiting for his answer.

“Oh shut the hell up, would you? I liked you better when you didn't talk!” Noya yelled over his shoulder as he rummaged in the closet and started randomly pulling shit out of it. 

Asahi didn't respond to that and even though it had finally come to this, it still made Noya feel like shit for what he'd just said. He didn't mean that. He knew he didn't mean that but it was just easier to be angry. He grabbed a t-shirt that was probably dirty and shoved it into the bag. An old hand-knit scarf found its way into the bag too. 

“Nishinoya....I'm sorry....” Asahi said. It was softer, but firm. He was demanding to be heard. 

Noya felt tears start to well up in the corners of his eyes but he refused to cry over this complete and utter bull shit. He sniffled and continued rummaging. There at the back of the closet, the paper a little torn, was a forgotten Christmas gift. It was addressed to Ryuu. Noya instinctively shoved that in the bag too. He pushed over the rest of his stuff in the closet in anger, looking for anything else that he just had to have. Not seeing anything necessary he ducked back out of the closet. 

Noya found Asahi waiting by the bedroom door and he felt anger and hurt flood over him. “Get out of my way, Asahi-san,” he spit out through gritted teeth. 

“I'm sorry. I really am but,” Asahi faultered for a second but pushed on, “We're making each other miserable and you know it.” 

Noya really finally saw Asahi for the first time in a long time. He looked tired, just like Noya felt. Noya steadied himself, took a deep breath and muttered, “Yeah, we are.” 

Asahi offered, “I'm sorry,” yet again. 

Noya looked up at him and with his jaw set firmly he said, “don't be. It's...” Noya felt most of his anger fall away and be replaced by weariness. “It's not you....it's just this town....I mean, it's you too. It's me. It's us. It's everything...I'm sorry.” 

“Me too,” Asahi said and then he added, “I loved you.” 

Noya looked Asahi in the eyes one last time and said, “Yeah, I loved you, too.” He let out a deep sigh and shouldered his bag. He went to push past Asahi, but he quickly got out of Noya's way. “Goodbye, Asahi-san.” Noya said over his shoulder without looking back. 

Noya scooped up his volleyball that sat by the door and shoved it into his bag where it took up most of the space. He grabbed his leather jacket and put it on. He considered his Karasuno Jacket with the C emblem for “Coach” on it and then shoved that into his bag too, the sleeves still hanging over the edges. His phone was in his pocket, his shoes on his feet, he grabbed his key ring and slipped off the keys to the Apartment and tossed them unceremoniously on the table. 

Asahi said, “Goodbye, Nishinoya.” 

As Nishinoya slammed the door behind him he mumbled to himself, “Maybe we'll be happy now.” He wanted to be sad, and angry, but it was just such a long time coming, all he felt now that it was over was relief. Freedom. He didn't know where to go, or what to do. He had next to no money. He didn't even grab an extra pair of clothes. But the world felt fresh and new. Exciting and huge. 

Noya pushed his hands deep into his pockets and walked down to the street. He considered each direction but finally decided he should at least drop the Karasuno Gym key and Shimada Mart key off with Ukai. So he firmly set one foot in front of the other and headed towards Sakanoshita Shop. 

It was dinner time when he pushed the door open and stepped inside. It took a moment for Ukai to appear from the back. He was probably just getting ready to sit down to dinner with Saeko and Tatsuo. “Oi! Noya! What's up?” Ukai called from the counter. 

Noya stepped up and threw the keys on the counter. “Can you tell the school I quit? Shimada too.” Noya left it at that. 

The words hung in the air as Ukai considered all the possible options. Finally he said, “Come on up, Saeko made plenty.” He didn't even stick around to wait for Noya to protest. He just headed straight into the backroom and then upstairs. 

Noya didn't need to think about it for long and then he followed Ukai up too. Saeko never talked about what had happened with him and Ryuu. She just kept treating Noya like he was her little brother, no questions asked. He appreciated that. 

As he stepped into the small living space he cleared his throat and said, “Hey, nee-san.” He walked over to the table and pulled out a chair and sat down. Tatsuo sat in a high-chair across from him. Noya carefully waved to Ryuu's nephew. 

Saeko set a plate in front of Noya and said, “Hey, Yuu.” 

The family began their meal in silence. Saeko knew Noya well enough to know something was wrong, and Ukai wanted Noya to explain it on his own, when he felt up to it. 

Midway through his plate of food Noya set down his chopsticks and blurted out, “Asahi-san and I broke up.” 

There was silence except for the sound of Tatsuo's toy hitting the table of his high-chair. Finally Saeko asked, “And?” 

She always knew how to open the flood gates. Noya just let it all out, “I'm fine. I don't know. It's fine. I....I was so fucking stupid. I can't believe what a fucking moron I've been. And Ryuu hates me and now I've got no friends left and I don't have a place to live. Never mind the fact that I've been paying for that apartment by myself for 2 months now! And I've got no money because Asahi hasn't found a job yet and so I was supporting us and now he's got nothing and I don't even care because it's about damn time I do what I need to do and I feel like such a shitty person and it's all so fucked and I didn't even take any of my stuff and I don't fucking know and....” 

Ukai interrupted, “You're not a shitty person.” 

Noya's mouth fell open and he gaped at him before quickly stumbling forward, “Yes. It was shitty of me to stick around even though everything was shit. I...I don't even know why I did it. It's not like I was afraid of being alone. I just....” he sighed and his shoulders slumped. He put his elbows on the table and buried his head in his hands. “I thought I was helping him.” 

Saeko reached over and gently ran her fingers through the long parts of Noya's hair. The sides were short now, and blonde to match his streak, so there was only enough hair to play with on top if his head. “Love makes people do stupid shit.” 

Noya let his head drop from his hands and gently bang on the table. “I really did care about him. But...he...he wouldn't....I just wanted....” Noya sniffled, “Is it so much to ask to want somebody to support you too?” 

Ukai hummed and said, “You mean about the National Team?” 

“Yeah. But just....about everything. His answer was always just that I should go do it but like...I wanted him to come with me. I don't know. I guess that was selfish. I just...it's all so fucked.”  
Tatsuo sneezed and Saeko's fingers quickly disentangled themselves from Noya's hair and moved to clean up her child. She apologized, “Sorry. Little buggers sick.” 

Noya lifted his head and watched Saeko take care of her kid and he wondered what it must be like to have such a caring family. “I don't know what to do,” he groaned and banged his head back on the table again. 

Saeko said over her shoulder casually, “Do what you always wanted to, Yuu. A train leaves every hour. It's only like 2 and a half hours away.” 

“Easier said than done,” Noya grumbled. “Everything sucks.” 

Ukai told it like it was, “It only sucks because you're making it suck.” 

Noya's head shot up and he focused on Ukai. The wheels in his head turned as his eyes narrowed. He considered this. Was it really only all shitty because he was making it be shitty? What would happen if he did just go to Tokyo on a whim? Would he end up homeless somewhere? Would he have to sleep on park benches? Would he be able to find a job? Did everything suck because he made it suck? 

Saeko offered, “Ryuu's in Tokyo.” 

Noya stared at her, dumbfounded. He thought about the items he'd packed in his bag. An old volleyball that Ryuu had given him for his birthday years ago. A scarf that Grandma Tanaka has knit for him in his 1st year of High School. A t-shirt Saeko had gifted him at some random birthday he hardly remembered. A Christmas present he had bought for Ryuu and never given to him. His subconscious certainly seemed to want to follow that path. The Tanaka's always had been his family, right?

Noya sighed, “I really miss him.” He balled his hands into fists on the table in front of him. 

“So go see him. You know Ryuu's a forgiving guy,” Saeko sat down and picked up her chopsticks again to try to finish her meal. “Look, I don't know what happened between you guys and I don't even care. You know if you go he won't turn you away.” 

Noya let that thought filter through his brain. It seeped deep down, into all the cracks and crevices and finally found its way to his heart and lodged itself there. “Yeah....” he muttered. It was rash. It was bold. It was....it was an adventure. It was the most alive he'd felt in ages. “A...alright. Okay. Yeah.” 

Saeko plopped a piece of chicken into her mouth and nodded at her boyfriend. Ukai nodded back and asked Noya, “You done with your food?” Noya nodded so Ukai said, “Alright, come on.” 

“Huh?” 

“I'm driving you to Sendai Station, you moron. Go get in the car.” 

Noya didn't even bother to fight it. He just marveled at this outpouring from this family. He stood up and gave Saeko a quick hug from behind her chair. He patted Tatsuo's head and then followed Ukai out the door. He called over his shoulder, “Thanks, Nee-san!” 

The drive wasn't a long one. At the station Ukai parked and then programmed Ryuu's address into Noya's phone, which of course, Noya had forgotten the charger to. Ukai handed him his own after unplugging it from the cigarette lighter adapter and then asked the uncomfortable question, “How much money do you have?” 

Noya decided answering honestly would be the best. Ukai'd probably know if he lied anyway, “I've got 2,000 yen in cash and there's about 15,000 yen in my bank account. I don't have any credit cards or anything.” 

Ukai unbuckled his seat belt and grunted out, “Alright, come on,” as he got out of the car. 

To this Noya did try to protest, “It's fine, you don't need to do that. I've got enough for the ticket.” 

“Yeah? And nothing else. Here,” Ukai shoved 5,000 yen into Noya's hands and then ignored him and walked to the counter to purchase a one way ticket on the Shinkansen to Tokyo. More specifically, to Ueno Station, as close as he could get him to Ryuu. With his wallet 16,170 yen lighter Ukai shoved Noya onto the train and said, “Good luck, Noya. I mean it.” 

It had all been such a whirl-wind, Noya was finally starting to process it all as the train pulled out from the station. He went through moments where he was excited. Then he was terrified. Then he wanted to get off at the next station and go back and say it was all just a big mistake. Finally he managed to fall asleep so at least he couldn't talk himself out of it. 

By the time his Shinkasen pulled into greater Tokyo it was already past 23:0 and raining heavily outside. The rain somehow struck him as a good omen though. Like a fresh start. The rain ran down the window and washed away the dirt and it made him believe in a second chance. 

Noya shouldered his bag and stepped off the train into Ueno Station at 23:32. He pulled out his phone and brought up the address. He hadn't bothered to charge his battery enough to use his GPS so he'd just have to wing it. He walked over to the large area map on the wall of the station and tried to match the address to the area. He was in luck, it wasn't far. 

Noya hit the streets and ignored the rain pelting him and soaking him through. It felt good. It felt like it was washing away the past few years. He picked up speed and breathed deep. The air smelt clean and dirty at the same time. The rain plastered his hair to his forehead and ran down the collar of his jacket and onto his back. 

The neon lights of various mechanics shops and garages lit up the sidewalks and the rain pooled in the worn spots. He seemed to be in some sort of area overrun with motorcycle shops. He wondered if that meant this was bosozoku or even yakuza territory. He buried his hands deeper into his pockets and pushed on. 

Finally he found the address. He stood for a long time just looking up at the apartment above the garage where the light was on. Was Ryuu in there? Was he right there? Would he turn Noya away? What if it all came crashing down, right here? Right now? Noya eyed the worn metal staircase running up the side of the building. It started not far from the street, but ended on a small landing outside the second floor, nestled deep in the dark of the alleyway. 

Slowly Noya stepped towards it. One step. Then another. He placed his right foot on the bottom step and wrapped his small fingers around the wet metal railing. It had been painted black at some point, but the paint was all chipping away and the rusty metal shown through. Noya peeled off a chip of paint and then watched as the rain drops washed it away. He took a deep breath and climbed the stairs. Outside the door he hesitated. His heart was beating like mad in his chest as he raised his hand and knocked on the door, hard. 

He waited. He raised his hand again to knock but suddenly the door was open and a nearly-bald, shirtless man was standing there holding a baseball bat. There he was. Tanaka Ryuunosuke, in the flesh. So close Noya could reach out and touch him if he wanted to. Tanaka's fingers loosened on the bat and it hit the floor with a clang. 

Noya smiled and offered, “Whoa! Planning to take me out with that?” Tanaka just stood there and stared at him, so Noya offered, “Hey...um...it's kinda wet out here...think I could maybe come in?” His heart stopped and his mind wouldn't shut up. It kept telling him this was a terrible, horrible mistake. Ryuu hated him. Why would Ryuu just forgive him like that? Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.

“N...Noya...” Tanaka finally choked out. He reached over and pinched his arm. He just stood there, staring blankly at Noya. 

Noya ran his fingers through his hair and tried, “Earth to Ryuu...Come in Ryuu...” Noya was terrified of what Tanaka might say when he finally snapped out of it and started talking. He thought about turning around and running down the stairs. 

“Hey, Noya...um...” Tanaka said and then ran his hands over his head. “Awwww...what the hell, fuck it!” he yelled as he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Noya. Noya's heart felt the lightest it had in a long time. This was Ryuu. This was his old friend. His best friend. Noya reached up and put his arms around Tanaka's neck and hugged him back. They clung together as if for dear life. 

Noya knew then that everything was going to be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bosozoku - youth subculture consisting of custom bikes and gangs. 
> 
> Ryuuuuuuuuuuuu!! It's so good to see you. I'm so glad you're back Ryuu. I've gotten some shit about Asahi, so I'm honestly glad to have that part of the story finished and welcome you back. It's so good to see you, Ryuu.


	15. Day Out

June 2017

Noya woke up in Tanaka's spare room for the 5th morning in a row. Well, it wasn't really Tanaka's spare room anymore, was it? Noya rolled over on the futon and muttered, “Gotta buy a bed soon.” 

He stood up, stretched and looked at the bare walls and windows. The room was a blank slate, waiting to be filled. He liked that. It felt like it had been just waiting for him. It was a nice thought – that he wasn't crashing into Tanaka's life and making space for himself. The space was already there. 

Noya had found it incredibly easy to slip back into things with Ryuu. Like riding a bike. You never forget. Their friendship seemed none the worse for wear considering the years spent in silence. Ryuu had even bought him new volleyball shoes when he showed him around Ueno a few days ago. It was, well, it was comfortable. 

It was like coming home. 

And Ryuu had been great. A true friend, and willing to accept Noya with open arms even after everything. Part of Noya knew it was a bad idea to accept Ryuu's invitation to save money and just room with him, but he couldn't say no. He didn't want to.

Noya quietly snuck out of his room and carefully opened the door to Tanaka's. When he saw that Tanaka hadn't stirred he burst into a run and jumped on the bed, landing halfway on Tanaka, halfway off. 

Tanaka flailed awake and looked like Death was coming for him. “Damn it Noya!” he spit out. Then he fell back into his pillow and shut his eyes. “Fuckin' sun,” he muttered. 

Noya righted himself on the bed next to Tanaka and said, “Oi! It's morning, Ryuu!” He carefully started spreading wrinkles out of the blanket that was halfway covering Tanaka. 

“Mornin's'not for like 3 more hours,” Tanaka mumbled and then rolled over on his side, facing away from Noya, and pulled the blanket over his head. 

Noya fell quiet. He was always an early riser, but he was used to Ryuu's need to sleep late. Ryuu'd always been like that. Noya considered for a moment and then whispered, “Okay.” He carefully pulled up the blanket and slipped under it. 

Noya lay on his back and let Tanaka's warmth spread over his right side. It wasn't the first time they'd slept together. Nothing should be weird about it, but it still felt like some forbidden thing now. They weren't kids anymore. 

Sleeping with someone requires trust. You're at your most vulnerable.  
Ryuu always trusted Noya. Did he still trust him? Finally Noya heard a gentle snore from Ryuu and he relaxed. So this is fine, then. Noya closed his eyes and drifted back off, trying to drink in all the closeness. 

A few hours later Noya woke up to an alarm coming from Ryuu's phone that was sitting on the bed, slightly under his pillow. Tanaka blindly reached over behind him and over top of Noya and fumbled around for the phone. Noya picked it up and placed it into Ryuu's hand and then snuggled deeper under the blanket. 

The ringing stopped when Ryuu dismissed the alarm and then turned around, facing Noya. They lay there, face to face, the blanket up to their chins. Tanaka asked, his voice raspy from sleep, “Got any big plans for today?” 

Noya tried not to let his thoughts rest too long on the little rasp in Ryuu's voice, or the half closed look in his eyes. Noya smiled, “Oh, you know me! Places to go, people to see....” 

Tanaka smiled groggily, “So that's a no, then?” His eyelashes aren't particularly long, but from this close, Noya could see them clearly as they fluttered and covered Ryuu's sleepy eyes. 

“So, what's the plan?” Noya asked. He squirmed slightly backwards as his proximity to Ryuu really sunk in. Bad idea. Bad idea. His mind raced. 

Tanaka cleared his throat and offered, “Well, I showed you Ueno, but not really the rest of Tokyo. Whaddya say?” He ran his hand over his short hair and scratched the back of his head as he let out a yawn. 

Noya halted and then jumped up onto his knees. As he did the bed bounced and Tanaka rolled forward into Noya where his landing left an indent in the mattress. “That sounds awesome!! We can go to the Skytree! I've never been to the Skytree!” He bounced up and down. 

Tanaka said, “I don't know, man. The lines for that are ridiculous, we'd be there like all day just waiting. We should probably do that some other time when we can get reservations.” He sat up and stretched his arms high over his head. 

Noya watched him stretch, and how his muscles moved. Ryuu looked great. He'd clearly been taking care of himself. It was great to see that he'd....wait. Skytree. Yeah. “Oh. Yeah...that's fine. There's lots of other stuff to see, yeah?” Noya shook himself out of his daydream. 

“Loads of stuff!” Ryuu paused for a moment as if realizing for the first time that Noya was in bed with him. Finally with a slightly confused and bemused look on his face he reached up and pushed Noya off the bed while proclaiming, “Go shower, man, you stink.” 

Noya jumped up and ran out of the room and to the bathroom. The look on Ryuu's face just then confused him and worried him. So he took the offered escape plan, and latched onto it without question. 

Noya rushed himself as he showered and brushed his teeth. He spent all of about 1 minute in front of the mirror messing with his hair, which was rare for him. He usually spent a lot of time making himself look good. But for some reason he just didn't care at the moment. Ryuu didn't care either, it's not like Noya could impress Ryuu with his hair style or anything. Ryuu wasn't about that... - not that it mattered, of course. It wasn't like that. 

Noya had only done the most minimal of shopping the other day so he was living in the same black skinny jeans he arrived in. He pulled one of Ryuu's t-shirt's over his head. It was too big, but it was so comfy and it kinda smelled like Ryuu because of the laundry detergent and yeah. It was just that he didn't have anything else to wear. What the fuck, Noya. You've been out of a relationship for all of 5 days. Get it together, man. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck...this is bad....” Noya muttered and raked his hands down his face, pulling the skin under his eyes down into a hideous expression. After a second he shook his head and pulled on his jeans. He rationalized it internally, 'It's fine. I'm allowed to have a crush. People break up and move on all the time. As long as I don't do anything stupid, it's fine. I'm fine.' 

He kept telling himself this all day, first when he realized where Ryuu had taken him. They stepped off the train in front of the Tokyo Metropolitan Gymnasium. He stood rooted to the ground for a second before quickly running after Tanaka, who was nearly at the door by the time he shook himself out of it. 

“Oi! Ryuu, where are you going? We can't just....” 

Tanaka pulled open the door and gave Noya a grin, “Dude, didn't you know it's open to the public certain days?” He motioned in with his head and called out, “Come on!” 

Noya realized a few things all at once. A – He was a total idiot. It's just a gym, of course it's open for people to train in. and B - Why is it that Ryuu always knew just exactly what he needed? Okay, so that second one was a question, but still. A really important question, okay? He shook himself out of it for like the 8th time already today and joined Ryuu inside. 

1,200 yen later, that of course Ryuu forked over, they were both headed to the swimming pool. In the changing room Tanaka threw a pair of swim trunks over at Noya's face. 

Noya pulled the swim trunks off his head and looked at them questioningly. Tanaka pulled off his own shirt and said, “Come on, man. I've had this planned since like, the second day you were here. Just go with it.” He slipped off his basketball shorts and boxers. 

Noya busied himself looking at his new swim trunks, he noticed for the first time that the tag was still on them. He pulled it off and slipped it into the pocket of his pants. He glanced up and caught a view of Ryuu's ass and quickly turned around and changed before he let his mind follow any of the places it might have gone. 

It was still early in the day, on a weekday, so the pool was empty and they decided to make the most use of it. Of course their nice quiet laps eventually turned into a race, which eventually turned into Noya catching up to Ryuu and jumping on top of him, pushing his head under water. 

Ryuu stood up against Noya's full weight with ease and pushed him off. Noya landed on his back with a smack. As soon as he surfaced again Ryuu pushed a wave of water into his face. So Noya did the only sensible thing, and splashed back. 

By the time a worker found them they were practically giggling. Ryuu saw they were being watched first and instantly stopped. He bowed slightly in the water and made his way to the ladder. Noya snapped out of it and looked around and as soon as he realized what was going on, he quietly followed Ryuu out of the pool. 

Tanaka bowed again as he quickly walked past the worker and said, “We were just leaving.” Noya was only a few paces behind him. When they were both safely out of the eyes of staff they looked at each other and it only took a split second for both to dissolve into laughter again. Tanaka choked out “That was totally your fault, asshole.” 

Noya reached up and punched Ryuu in the shoulder as he tried to stop laughing. “You started it, Ryuu. I blame you.” He finally managed to choke down his laughter and he quickly stripped and dried off. He was so caught up in the revelry he didn't even realize they were both naked. Something about it reminded him of the Karasuno Club Room and late nights after long practices. It reminded him of the baths at the old ryokan they stayed at in Tokyo when they went to Nationals in their 2nd year. It was comfortable, familiar...why had he missed this so much? And why did it take him so long to put his finger on what exactly he had been missing? 

“Ryuu...” Noya pulled up his boxers and paused for a second before pulling his borrowed shirt over his head, “Thanks, man.” He reached down and picked up the damp swim suit and handed it to Tanaka, who was dressed by now. “For...everything.” 

Tanaka took the swimsuit and tossed it into his backpack without any care of the fact it would make everything inside wet. They stood in silence for a minute, finally Noya grabbed his jeans and pulled them on. As he zipped up his fly Tanaka said, “Hey, anytime, Noya-san.” 

Noya nodded and then put on a bright smile, “Sorry, Wasn't tryin' to get all sentimental on ya! Anyway, Thanks! Do you think we're allowed to go sneak a peak at the volleyball courts?” 

Tanaka sighed as he shouldered his backpack, now heavier with the weight of two pairs of damp swim trunks. “Sorry, I already checked. They're practicing here today, so we can't.” 

Noya's shoulders fell, but only for a second, “No problem! I get it! Soooooooooo” He jumped over to Ryuu and loudly asked, “What's next??!!” 

“Dude, do you have any chill?” Tanaka chuckled. But he nodded the direction with his head and lead the way. 

Noya was antsy the whole short walk there. The fact that it was all new to him and he didn't know the layout of the city made it exciting. He had no idea where they could possibly be headed until they walked up to the Sendagaya gate of the Shinjuku Gyoen National Garden. 

A Park didn't seem like the normal fare for Tanaka, but as soon as Ryuu forked over the 400 yen and they were inside, Noya realized why. It was beautiful. He carefully folded the map he'd grabbed and slipped it into his pocket, so he could focus on his surroundings. He'd never been to Shinjuku Gyoen, or anywhere even remotely like it. Noya wasn't really the kind of guy who took the time to stop and smell the flowers, but he was a little bit breathless taking it all in. 

Ryuu...Ryuu brought him to see flowers. It was so different and so wonderful that he didn't even know what to think, all he could settle on was the fact that Ryuu had given him flowers. No, not flowers. No, that's not....he didn't mean....'Fuck, fuck, fuck...this is bad....'

Noya aimlessly followed Ryuu along the path. He fell into step next to him and was suddenly aware of the fact that Ryuu always shortened his stride to match Noya's pace, no matter what it was. Noya hadn't thought about that in a long time. Since sometime in high school, when he first noticed it. It was just this unsaid thing that Ryuu always did. No matter what Noya's pace was, Ryuu would match it. If he had to take big steps or little steps it didn't matter. Ryuu never talked about it, maybe he didn't even do it on purpose, but there he was, slowing down to match Noya. 

They walked the path in silence just taking in the nice day and the beautiful scenery. Tanaka had his hands pushed deep into his pockets and his shoulders hunched forward slightly. He lead the way though the paths until they'd seen most of the garden. Tanaka finally steered them into Yurinoki, a restaurant in the park. 

Noya hadn't even realized how hungry he was. Damn it, Ryuu, what the fuck? Tanaka stepped up to the ticket machine and selected his food, grabbed the ticket and then waited for Noya to make his choice. Noya pulled out his wallet but Ryuu was faster, like always. “Damn it, Ryuu! No, I've got this!” The waitress standing nearby gave them a bemused look, but simply smiled. 

Tanaka ran his hand over his head and consented, “Yeah, yeah, whatever.” He took his own ticket over and turned it in and without waiting for Noya headed to find a seat. 

Noya felt dread wash over him as he selected his food, did he just fuck up? What even was that? Why did Ryuu insist on paying? It's not like this is a date...or...anything....Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. No. Noya shook himself out of it and joined Ryuu at the table after handing over his meal ticket. 

He plopped down across from Ryuu and decided the best course of action was to pretend...whatever....that was, hadn't just happened. “This place is really neat. Not gonna lie, I probably never would have thought to come here.”

Tanaka smiled and offered, “Yeah, I don't come here a lot or anything, since it's not free, but sometimes I come here when I want to get away. Like, it's nice and if you come at the right time it's pretty quiet. Your own little world, just you and a ton of tourists,” he laughed. 

The server brought over their food quickly and they wolfed it down. Tanaka finished his food and pushed his plate forward and looked at his watch. Noya took note of that. Tanaka wore a watch. Not too many people wore watches anymore, of course Ryuu's was large and gaudy, but still....Cute... 

Tanaka sighed. “Alright, dude, the next place I'm gonna take you is like an hour away. Can you chill for that long? Or is this train ride gonna be a literal nightmare?” 

Noya raised an eyebrow in intrigue. “I can chill...I'm cool...I'm an ice cube, man,” He drawled. “Soooo, where we goin'?” His eyes glistened as he tried to pull it out of Ryuu. 

“Nope. Never mind, let's just go home,” Tanaka put his hands on the table and pushed himself up out of his chair. 

“DUDE! I'm CHILL, OKAY??!!” Noya yelled. Every eye in the restaurant was on them and Noya backpedaled hard. He whispered, “See?” 

Tanaka laughed and didn't say anything else, just headed out the door. Noya stumbled and rushed to follow him. Noya hated train rides. The whole not being allowed to talk thing was terrible, honestly. Like, okay, yes, it's polite to not bother anybody else on the train, but also, Ryuu's right there. 

Noya fidgeted and bounced in his seat. Ryuu looked over at him, with a grin, but didn't say anything. He kept himself busy on his phone. He seemed to be texting somebody. 

Finally, finally, mercifully, Tanaka stood up and made to get off the train. “Thank god,” Noya finally caved and said as he pushed his way out the door. Only to find it was just to transfer to another train. Rinse and repeat. 

At the 4th Station Noya started to get a feeling. It was right there on the sign, but he didn't want to believe it. Ryuu had clearly said, just this morning....”SKYTREE???!!!!!” Nishinoya yelled. 

Tanaka laughed and rubbed his hand over his head, “I didn't say that, you're crazy. There's something else we're here to see.” He brushed it off. 

Nishinoya wasn't buying it. A chorus of “SKYTREE!! SKYTREE!! SKYTREE!!!” followed Tanaka the whole 5 minute walk to, you guessed it, Skytree. 

The crowd was intense. People everywhere. The line was insanely long. “Ryuuuuuuuuuu, are you for real?” Noya asked as he wove in and out of the crowd, following Tanaka. 

“Nope. Go back to sleep,” Tanaka called over his shoulder. 

Noya followed him through the crowd and ever closer to the start of the line. Which seemed odd because usually if you don't have reservations you have to actually wait in said line, but then, “Oooohhhhhhhhh,” Noya sighed as some familiar faces came into view. 

Tanaka fell into line next to a tall guy with bedhead and a muscular guy with black and white hair who looked oddly like an owl. Tanaka was treating them like old friends, which just reminded Noya of how much time they'd been apart. They hadn't been particularly close to either Kuroo or Bokuto in High School. So this friendship Ryuu had with them must have developed after Noya cut him off. He winced at the memory. 

Kuroo and Bokuto slipped out of the line and let Tanaka and Nishinoya take their spots, but they hung around and Kuroo said, “You owe me. Big time.” 

Ryuu laughed, “Nope! That was the point, asshole. You owed ME, but now we're even, Thanks for the pay back, man.” 

Kuroo smirked, “Come on, you got off easy. This was not an equal trade. You didn't have to stand in line for 3 hours with his dumbass.” He pointed to Bokuto. 

“Bro...” Bokuto cried, wounded. “Not cool.” 

Noya cut in, curiosity killing him, “What the hell did Ryuu do that was big enough to get you to do this?” 

Kuroo grinned, “Nothing much. He just took care of a problem. You know he's got connections, right?” 

Noya's smile slipped off his face, and his brow knit in confusion. 

Boktuo leaned over close to Noya and chimed in, “Yakuza.” 

Noya's head shot up and his eyes widened as he looked at Ryuu. 

Kuroo crossed his arms over his chest and lazily added, “Yeah, he just took care of somebody for me, if you know what I mean.” 

“What the Fuck, Ryuu??!!!” Noya burst out. “Are you...???” 

Ryuu laughed easily and flexed his muscles in his arm, showing them off. “Yeah, I'm the muscle.” 

Noya blinked. And blinked. What. The. Fuck?

Finally Kuroo, Bokuto and Ryuu all burst out laughing. Hitting home yet again that as easy as it was to slip back into routines with Ryuu, he had been out of his life for a very long time. 

Kuroo snorted but said, “Nah, man. He just got rid of Lev.” 

Okay seriously, “What the fuck??!!!” 

Bokuto added, “You see, Kuroo owed Yaku a favor...”

Ryuu chimed in, “Moron. Never put yourself in a position where you owe Yaku a favor.” 

“Yeah, alright, I know this now,” Kuroo said. “Annnnnyyyywaaaaayyyy. He couldn't deal with Lev at his job anymore, so he asked me to find Lev a new job. So, moron that I am, I got Lev a job cleaning the floors where I work.” 

Bokuto solemnly nodded, “It didn't go well.” 

“So long story short, Tanaka got our boy Lev a job at some fancy Hotel run with Yakuza money. Which is pretty damn ballsy, I don't know if he called in a favor from them or what but either way, Lev's not my problem anymore,” Kuroo laughed. “Anyway, we gotta run. Nice seeing you again, Noya-kun.” 

Bokuto hung back for a second and asked, “Hey, am I gonna see you at practice?” 

Noya couldn't quite pull himself out of his stupor enough to even know what to say. “Um? I have no idea,” he lamely offered. 

“Ahhh, alright! Well, hopefully I see ya around, Nishinoya!” Bokuto called out and then bounded off after Kuroo. 

Noya turned to Ryuu and after a moment's silence said, “Seriously....what the hell?”

Tanaka laughed again. “It's nothing, really. Don't worry. I...er....well sometimes I do some work on some vehicles that have seen some shit...and they actually had asked me a while before if I knew anybody reliable looking for work. So I pawned Lev off on them.” Ryuu shrugged. 

Noya was flabbergasted, “Okay, first part of that aside, you really think they won't realize soon and be after you for pulling one over on them?” 

“Nah, it was ages ago. They actually love Lev. He's tall and looks foreign and I guess he looks intimidating or something. Anyway. We're here, man,” Tanaka said and tilted his head back to look up at the Skytree. 

Noya looked too, “Holy fuck man. We're here.” 

Tanaka took a step forward with the line and grinned, “Yuuuup. And now you owe me too.” 

Noya solemnly promised, “Anything you want.” 

“I'll hold you too that someday.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's true that I stopped writing this becuase I hit a wall, stressing trying to please everybody. A lot of people were angry about the whole Asahi thing, even though I made it very clear this wasn't an AsaNoya fic. But the relationship happened. It's there, for a large part of the fic, it would be wrong to not tag it, so it will remain there. I hate reading a fic and finding surprise pairings in it that I didn't sign up for, so I believe in full discoluse. So the the fact that nearly every comment on this was complaining about the Asahi situation just made me want to drop the whole thing. 
> 
> Which to be honest is a shame. Life is complicated. Relationships are hard. People are not perfect. I value realisim in a story, and so I've put a lot of real life "shit" onto these boys. Struggles. Hopes. Dreams. Failures. The story isn't just about the ending. It's about the path that was taken to get there. And Noya's path in this meant he spent several years in a relationship that didn't work for him. That doesn't mean anybody needs to be the bad guy. Sometimes things just don't work out. That's life. 
> 
> Anyway. A kind comment gave me the motivation to work on this again, so this Chapter's dedicated to that kind commentor. Thanks.


	16. Best Friends

March 2018

Nishinoya sat on the sofa, fingers digging into the edge, and his bottom lip caught between his teeth. His eyes were fixed on the clock on the wall. He practically counted the seconds. He muttered to himself, “please wake up in time, please wake up in time.” 

It was March 3rd, and Noya had big plans for Tanaka's birthday. But number 1 on the list of things to do was let Tanaka sleep in as late as he wanted. It was inching to 12 and Noya had already been awake for 4 and a half hours. He was trying very hard to wait it out, but he also had something pretty special planned for 12.30 and with travel time if Ryuu didn't wake up really soon they weren't going to ma...

“Why didn't you wake me up?” Ryuu yawned from behind the sofa. He scratched his crotch through his sweatpants that hung low on his hips. 

Noya jumped up and in a whirl-wind rushed him along. “Wanted to let you sleep in. Now go, go, go – we've gotta be somewhere at 12.30. Hurry!” 

Ryuu blinked in confusion but grinned, “I didn't realize we were at this point in our relationship, honey.” 

Noya froze and then spat out, “Dude, hurry up! I went to a lot of trouble!” 

Ryuu yawned, “Yeah, yeah, Happy birthday to me. Whatever you say, sweet-heart.” He wandered into the bathroom and left a slightly flustered Noya behind him. 

“The fuck?” Noya mumbled. It was a joke. He knew it was a joke, of course it was a joke. He was making fun of Noya for planning things out for him and just telling him what they were doing today. Okay, he gets it. But still...'honey'? 'sweet-heart'? Noya'd be lying if he said his heart didn't flutter just a little bit. 

A half-hour later and just in time, Noya and Ryuu strolled into the Tokyo Gas Gymnasium in Koto where Noya's pro-volleyball team, F.C. Tokyo practiced. Ryuu'd never been outside of the stands before. Noya hoped he was going to love this. 

“What's up, Noya?” Ryuu asked as he tailed him onto the court. 

It wasn't what he really wanted Ryuu to call him, but finally convincing him to drop the 'san' was a step in the right direction. Noya always felt a little tingly when Ryuu called him just plain 'Noya.' Maybe someday he'd get him to call him 'Yuu.' Noya was lost in through so the other people there spoke for themselves as to what was up. 

“Yo!” Kuroo shouted and waved. He stood with his elbow leaning on Bokuto's shoulder. 

“Hey! Hey! Hey!” Bokuto called out. 

Noya's teammate, Iwaizumi Hajime was there, with The Grand King in tow. “Hello, Tanaka,” Iwaizumi offered.   
Oikawa laughed and trilled, “Hey baldie! Remember me?” 

Yaku, Fukunaga and Inuoka waved from the bench. “Happy Birthday!!” Lev shouted and waved, far to energetically. Yaku smacked him to shut him up. 

“Hey! Asshole! Long-time-no-see!” Futakuchi yelled from across the gym. He was busy pulling a practice jersey over his head. 

“I'm on your team today,” Konoha explained as he stepped up behind them and offered Tanaka a blue practice jersey. 

Finally, Kageyama and Hinata ran in the door, out of breath, and fighting to get in first. 

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY TANAKA-SENPAI!” Hinata yelled as he burst though the door. 

Kageyama was right behind him and bowed offering a less enthusiastic, “Happy Birthday.” 

Noya watched as Tanaka surveyed the scene in shock and awe. He smiled to himself as he pulled a blue jersey over his head. He was guarding Ryuu's back today, of course. 

Tanaka was at a loss, “But...what? But...how?” He fingered the practice jersey, reading 'property of F.C. Tokyo' in the label. 

Oikawa straightened his red jersey and offered, “I know, it's hard to believe that I, Oikawa Tooru, would grace you with my volleyball skills. Are you impressed?” 

Tanaka offered the most logical response, “Why the hell are you here for my birthday?” 

“~RUDE~!” Oikawa sang. 

Iwaizumi chuckled and offered, sensibly, “Sorry, you know it isn't easy to put together a team of people you know in Tokyo. I brought him along, we needed a setter.” 

Tanaka raised an eyebrow at Noya's friend and teammate, “So he's on your team then? Good. That means I get Kageyama, yeah?” 

Kageyama nodded. 

Tanaka gave Iwaizumi the stare down. “Oh it's on, asshole.” 

At that the whole group cheered. Noya hoped he'd done good. It's true, it really hadn't been easy to pull together two full teams of people Ryuu knew. Most of them didn't even really play volleyball anymore. He hoped that Bokuto, who was on the National Team wouldn't just obliterate everybody else. But he figured all in all it wasn't too shabby. Kageyama, Oikawa, Iwaizumi and himself all played professionally too. And the others had been good in their high school teams. Hinata and Inuoka still played in college too. 

The two thrown together teams fell into place, with the agreement that Tanaka's team got 1st serve in honor of his birthday. Futakuchi served and proved he still had what it takes. 

Of course Yaku effortlessly picked it up and Tanaka found himself wondering“Who came up with these teams? They're like, Nekoma plus Bokuto and Oikawa, how is that even fair?” Noya punched him in the shoulder. 

Oikawa set to Bokuto who sent a tight straight right down the line and put the first point on the board. Hinata yelled from the sidelines, “You'll get it next time Tanaka-senpai!” 

“YOOOOOSH!” Tanaka yelled and pulled off his shirt and jersey in one go. 

“Keep it in your pants!” Futakuchi yelled. 

Noya tried to make his eyes busy elsewhere as Tanaka peeled his t-shirt apart from the jersey and put just the mesh jersey back on. Noya tried really hard to not pay attention to the fact that Tanaka's muscles looked pretty much as big as Bokuto's or Iwaizumi's these days. 

The game went fast. Noya hoped Tanaka was enjoying himself. He seemed to be. Finally with Oikawa's team the victors the whole group slumped down onto the benches and the floor in varying states of exhaustion. 

“I'm too old for this,” Yaku moaned. 

“You've always been too old to have fun, Yukkun,” Kuroo called. 

The atmosphere was good, it felt just like some training camp from their high school days. Tanaka looked spent, but he was smiling, and so it made Noya happy. It was all worth it then. The weeks of tracking down people neither one had spoken to in ages. It was worth it. 

“Bro, you've still got it! Why don't you come out for a pro team?” Bokuto directed at Tanaka. 

Noya thought, so it was worth it to call up Bokuto and he got lucky that with Bokuto comes Kuroo, and with Kuroo comes the contact information for all of the old Nekoma crowd. It was worth it. 

“Me? You're fucking kidding me? What are you on?” Tanaka laughed, through labored breathing. He was fit, but it was a level of exertion he didn't really push himself to anymore. 

“Nah, you're still really good!” Bokuto said. 

Kuroo smacked Bokuto over the head, “Bo, some of us are getting too old to just up and switch careers.” 

“Tanaka-senpai isn't old!” Hinata called from across the gym, where he was chatting with Kageyama and Inuoka. 

Oikawa, helpfully, cut in, “Then why's he bald?” 

Tanaka took off his sweaty jersey and threw it at Oikawa's face. “Why are you even here?” 

Iwaizumi smiled but said, “I ask myself the same thing all the time.” 

Oikawa squealed and pushed the sweat covered fabric away from himself. “You're all terrible.” 

The room erupted in laughter again. 

Noya's phone buzzed and he hopped up and ran out of the gym. At the door he picked up a delivery, several boxes from a bakery, and he balanced them precariously as he walked back to the gym. Iwaizumi met him halfway and grabbed a few boxes. 

“He seemed to enjoy that,” Iwaizumi offered. 

Noya nodded, “Yeah, I think so too. I'm glad.” 

Iwaizumi looked down at Noya and then replied, “I am too. He's a good guy.” 

Noya felt his mouth go dry and he swallowed thickly before answering, “Yeah.” 

Back in the gym they set down the boxes and inside was Noya's treat for everybody's hard work. It wasn't really what they should be eating post game, but also it was a birthday party so screw the rules. Oikawa plucked out some milk bread while others grabbed donuts and Tanaka called dibs on the copious amounts of melon pan. 

Noya tried to not stare, but he couldn't help it. Tanaka sat on the gym floor, leaning back on one arm. He was shirtless and his muscles glistened with sweat. He looked completely spent, but utterly happy. He munched on melon pan with his free hand. Noya wondered if this is how he looked after sex. He looked fantastic.

The group finished off with more laughter and set Hinata, Inuoka and Lev's boundless energy to cleaning up the gym. Everybody slowly filtered out, until it was just Oikawa, Iwaizumi, Bokuto, Kuroo, and Hinata and Kageyama left keeping Tanaka and Noya company. 

Tanaka had exchanged numbers with Futakuchi though, so Noya tried to not be jealous and instead view it as just two old friends getting back in touch. It was all worth it.... 

Finally Hinata and Kageyama bid farewell with lots of promises for future games and an endless chorus of “Happy birthday!” sung by Hinata as they left. 

The 6 left exchanged glances and then Oikawa took charge, “Drinks then?!” 

They rest mumbled in agreement. “But I get to pick the place,” Kuroo said, as his eyes put Oikawa in his place. Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow at Kuroo. 

The group eventually found their way to a small western style bar, not that far from Tanaka's place. Kuroo claimed it was a kindness in honor of the birthday boy. 

Tanaka found himself with 5 people all buying him drinks and Noya couldn't help but smile at him as he downed the first one. Tanaka's phone buzzed and he unlocked it to find a text. 

Kuroo smirked, “Who is it, lover-boy?” 

The smile slipped off Noya's face. 

Tanaka batted him away, “It's just Futakuchi making sure I put his number in right. Dumbass.” Tanaka smiled at his phone and typed out a quick response. And then put his phone away again. 

But it ate at Noya. He knew it shouldn't, but it did. It's not like Tanaka was his or anything. But damn.

Kuroo asked, “So – you gonna get some?” 

Noya downed the rest of his beer and then reached over and stole Ryuu's fresh one out of his hands and downed that too. 

He noticed that everybody went quiet and all eyes were on him, but he also decided he didn't care. “Happy Birthday, Ryuu! That's just my payment for all the melon pan.” 

Tanaka laughed, but it sounded hallow. “I thought that was my gift?” 

Noya didn't respond but got up and went to the bar to get more, harder, things to drink. “fuck, fuck, fuck,” he muttered to himself. That really wasn't what he wanted to do. He wasn't trying to cause a scene or ruin Ryuu's birthday or anything. 

A few shots of whiskey later he headed back to the table with 2 beers in hand. He set one down in front of Ryuu and said yet again, “Happy Birthday, Ryuu.” 

Noya took this one a bit slower, but he could tell he was drunk already. Not so much that he couldn't think or see what was going on, but just enough to dull some of his over-active senses. He noticed Tanaka didn't touch the beer, but instead was looking at him with worry. 

Fuck. He didn't want to ruin Ryuu's birthday. He decided to try to play it off. “Sorry, I'm being a moody little bitch. The bartender's hot and I haven't gotten laid in like fucking years.” 

Tanaka's phone buzzed from his pocket again. 

“Then go for it?” Kuroo questioned. But his tone was strange. Noya didn't like it. 

“Had a ring on,” Noya offered. Totally made up bullshit. “Eh, maybe that doesn't matter,” he moved to get up. He wasn't going to do anything, just get some fresh air because damn it was hot in there, with all their eyes looking at him like that. And Tanaka's phone going off. Like they know something, when they don't. And Ryuu looking at him all worried and confused and worse, hurt. Fuck. 

Tanaka stood up too and firmly put his arm around Noya. “I think we'll just head home. Thanks for the great birthday, you guys. Seriously. I haven't played volleyball in ages. If anybody ever needs a random wing spiker for a pick up game, call me.” He laughed. 

Noya's ears rang. Tanaka lead him out of the bar. He could hear Oikawa's voice in the background and he wasn't sure if he hoped Ryuu didn't hear it, or that he did, “I thought they were together?” 

Iwaizumi hushed him up. But fuuuuuuuuck. What the hell happened to today?

He limply let Ryuu guide him home. He could walk fine but Ryuu was strong and he smelled like sweat and beer and it was nice and Noya wanted to just bury his face in Ryuu's shirt. Or maybe he wanted to kiss him. Or both. Or all of it. Seriously. Fuck everything. What if Ryuu texted Futakuchi back and it was like that? What if Ryuu got a boyfriend? What if Ryuu left him? 

As Ryuu helped him up the stairs to their home Noya weighed his options. If he didn't act now, Ryuu might find somebody else. If he did, what if Ryuu turned him down? What if it ruined their friendship? What if he was reading it all totally wrong and Ryuu was just happy to reconnect with an old friend and it wasn't like that at all? Fucking Futakuchi. Damn it. 

Tanaka helped Noya to his bed and then Noya took over. He wrapped his arms around Ryuu's neck and pulled him down onto the bed on top of himself. Ryuu caught himself on his hands, one on either side of Noya's head, and quickly tried to extricate himself from Noya's grip. 

Noya held on tighter. And moaned, “Come on, Ryuu...” He wiggled underneath him and bucked up his hips and ground into Ryuu. 

Tanaka stopped trying to be gentle and this time he got out of Noya's grip easily. Noya felt the bed move and Tanaka sat down on the edge of it next to him. Noya's mind raced, and his heart broke. Failure. Rejection. The End. He'd just fucked up big time. 

“Noya...” Ryuu trailed off. Noya watched him. He was sitting there, staring at his hands, palm up. After a second he closed his eyes and balled his hands into fists and then stood up. “Good night, Noya. Thanks for the great birthday, man.” 

He walked out of the room and Noya wanted to die. As the door closed Noya felt the tears sting his eyes. So that's it then? That settles it. He really, isn't interested. Noya wondered if he should be packing up his things right now or not, but an alcohol induced slumber was quickly taking him over. 

An eternity later he opened his eyes to a too-bright sun, and Tanaka opening the door to his bedroom. Tanaka had a glass of water and some pain killers, which he set down on the nightstand. 

“How ya feelin'?” Tanaka asked. 

Noya blinked. It really wasn't bad. He honestly hadn't drank that much and he hadn't been that far gone. “I'll live,” he muttered. 

Tanaka smiled and laughed, “Good. Because I made way too much food for just myself.” He headed to the door. “Whenever you're ready it's out here.” 

Noya was left alone again with his thoughts. He sighed in relief and confusion. So that's it then? Ryuu's taking the 'this never happened' route? Well, at least his friendship was safe. All things considered that could have gone a lot worse. 

Noya whispered to the room, barley audible, “I love you, Ryuu...” He sat up in his bed, “...and I don't deserve you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That gymnasium is the real gym for the V. Premier League team F.C. Tokyo. It is located in Koto, which is about 20 minutes away from Ueno by train. F. C. Tokyo moved up to the Premier League a few years ago, and have been pretty consistently at the bottom since. If you'd like more of the background on the team and Noya's part in it you can read the companion fic to this, "It Was Always You" that helps fill in some of the gaps in time from this one. 
> 
> If anybody is curious - here are the teams from the Birthday game. 
> 
> Blue: Setter - Kageyama, Libero - Nishinoya, WS – Tanaka, Konoha, Futakuchi, MB – Hinata, Inuoka
> 
> Red: Setter - Oikawa, Libero - Yaku, WS – Iwaizumi, Bokuto, Fukunaga, MB – Kuroo, Lev


	17. Karasu

May 2018

Noya heard his bedroom door slam open and so he quickly closed his eyes and hoped and prayed it would work. 

“Noya! Dude, come on! I know you're awake. You never sleep this late. Ever.” Ryuu walked over to the bed and seemed to relish pulling the blanket off of Nishinoya. 

Noya closed his eyes tighter and hoped. He wasn't even really sure why he was going to such lengths to avoid cleaning, but he was. He'd made up his mind to avoid it, and that was that. 

Ryuu sighed, “Come on, you live here too. This place is gross.” Ryuu sat down on the edge of the bed and Noya scooted over a bit to make room, eyes still shut. “Come on, man. Seriously, one day won't kill us. That mountain of pizza boxes by the front door is growing. Like literally. Let's just get shit situated and then we can live in our filth for the year to come, okay?” 

Noya really didn't think the place was that bad. Sure, there might have been a stack of questionable pizza boxes by the front door, but that was about it. That and the mountains of laundry. And maybe the inch of dust on the top of the refrigerator and TV. But like, come on? Who dusts anyway? 

“FINE!” Noya yelled and at the same time he used his feet to push Ryuu off his bed. He sat up and hung his legs over the edge, while looking at Ryuu who was rubbing his ass from where he fell on it. “It's really not that bad though, I don't get why you want it cleaned so bad today. Got a hot date comin' over or something? Because maybe I have a hot date comin' over and we were gonna bang in the living room so you should probably warn me before you bring your bitches and hoes back here.” 

Ryuu looked up at Noya in awe, “Dude...where the fuck do you come up with this stuff?” He reached up and punched Noya in the leg. Tanaka sighed and then explained, “Nee-san kinda commented on it last time we watched Tatsuo. It wasn't like a threat or anything, just kinda...pointed out that it wouldn't kill us to clean up a bit. She's probably right.” 

Noya was equally relieved and concerned. So it wasn't for some date. But on the other hand, Noya loved Tatsuo, and the times he'd come stay with them were really precious to him. Noya knew he'd never have kids of his own so he kinda liked watching Tatsuo grow up. Plus he was a Tanaka, and there was something comforting about seeing that family continue to grow and change. They'd always meant a lot to him, of course Tatsuo was no exception. He'd be gutted if Saeko were to ever decide they weren't fit to watch him. “Alright. I get it. I'll help.” 

Ryuu hoisted himself up and said, “Thanks. You wanna start with the laundry, or what? Pick your poison.” 

Noya thought for a second and then offered, “I'll take care of Mt. Pizza and then I'll dust.” Noya stood up too and made sure Ryuu knew, “Not for you. For Tatsuo.” 

“Of course,” Ryuu laughed. 

They headed out and started on their tasks. Ryuu put on some music and tackled the dishes while Noya wrestled Mt. Pizza down the stairs and outside. 

It all went pretty smoothly until Noya decided his 3rd task should be to go through the cupboards and throw out anything past date. Ryuu was busy folding laundry in the living room. 

Noya was kneeling on the counter while he worked. It was a bit awkward because he had to sort of lean back over the edge to see into the cupboards well. But it generally worked. That is until there was a loud thud. 

Ryuu looked over and found Noya laying on his back on the kitchen floor, covered in flour. Of course it just had to be the flour. “Yo! You alive?!” he called from the sofa. When he got no response he jumped up and ran over. “Noyahhhhh” Ryuu had started with a question and ended with a scream. Noya had thrown the remains of the bag of flour at his face. 

Noya rushed to stand up and bolt away, but his feet slipped on the flour and he crashed face first into the floor again. His excellent reflexes caught him before his face met the floor, but damn it hurt. “Fuuuuuckkkk” Noya moaned. 

Ryuu laughed finally, “Fucking serves you right, asshole.” Ryuu brushed the flour off himself and onto the floor the best he could. “What the fuck were you even doing?”

Noya groaned from the floor, that he had decided was his new home, “I fell.” 

“No shit. But did you really have to take the damn flour with you?” Ryuu finally decided it was a lost cause and slipped his black t-shirt over his head and balled it up, tossing it on the counter.

Noya's face smushed into the floor as he lay there, having accepted his fate. “It's out of date anyway.” 

Ryuu picked up the package and read the date, “Shit. This is like 6 months past it.” 

“So?” Noya said. This was his life now. 

“Dude, what do you think I made the pancakes with?” 

“Oh.” 

They fell into silence for a few seconds and then decided it was the funniest thing they'd heard all day. Noya squirmed on the floor in his pile of flour, the laughing hurt so bad. 

Finally Ryuu walked over and picked Noya up, against his will, and forced him to stand up, or fall over again. “Seriously, are you okay? You fell twice, and neither one was graceful.” He gently brushed some of the flour off Noya's hair and shoulders. 

Noya was no worse than after any day of volleyball practice. “Come on, man! Do you really think I break that easy?” He joined Ryuu in brushing off his shirt. 

Ryuu stepped back and looked him up and down and then met his eyes. Noya stared back. He wasn't sure what Ryuu was looking for, just then. It felt like something more than just making sure Noya wasn't lying about being alright. Ryuu looked...well fantastic, but more than that Noya found himself considering how bad it would be if he just stayed there, lost in Ryuu's gaze. There are worse ways to die, yeah? 

Ryuu finally nodded and then turned to look at the mess. “You're sweeping this up,” he said. 

Noya groaned, “I just can't win today.” But he walked over and picked up the broom anyway. 

“You don't need to win today. Just win Tomorrow. And next week. And the week after that.” Ryuu said as he brushed the flour off the table and onto the floor so Noya could sweep it up. 

“You've got it!” Noya promised. “But you'll owe me one for it.” 

Ryuu picked up Noya's keys, that were completely covered in flour and moved to the sink to wash them off. “Nah, you still owe me, remember?” 

Noya couldn't place why, but he decided it was best to fight it. “Nope! Already paid you back on that one!” 

Ryuu grinned, “Nope. I distinctly remember you told me you'd do anything I wanted.” He turned on the faucet and carefully rinsed off Noya's key-ring. As he did he noticed for the first time an old and well worn metal crow charm. He smiled faintly, like he was reminiscing. 

Noya was busy trying to think of when he promised to do anything Ryuu wanted. It's not like it was a lie. He'd do anything Ryuu wanted, anytime. Here. Now. Tomorrow. Anywhere, anytime. Whatever Ryuu wanted, he'd do it. But when had he voiced that? “I...don't think that ever happened....” 

“Hey, Noya. Where'd you get this?” Ryuu asked as he held up Noya's keys and showed him the crow key-chain. 

“Oh that? I've had that for ages. I bought it when I was still back in Miya...gi....” he stopped. They didn't really talk about that period of their lives. That time when Ryuu had been in Tokyo with Kiyoko. And Noya had stayed in Miyagi with Asahi. It's not that they tried to pretend it never happened, just that...what was there really to talk about? 

Ryuu offered a quick “Ah.” and then set the keys back on the table. “It's cool. Reminds me of the old gang.” 

Noya brightened, “You like it?” 

Ryuu raised an eyebrow at him in question but answered, “Well, yeah...” Noya made a move and he continued, “But you don't have to give it to me or anything, I know it's probably a memento or something....” 

But it was too late. Noya ran to his bedroom and practically dove into his closet. He rummaged around and finally pulled out an Asics volleyball shoes box. He opened it and rumbled through the ticket stubs for movies and Skytree, a map of a park, a tag from a swim suit, all kinds of random things that probably only made sense to him. At the bottom was a wrapped present. The paper had seen better days, but the tag was still on it, reading “Ryuu.” Noya grabbed it and ran back to the kitchen where Ryuu was still standing, confused. 

Noya held the package out in front of him with both hands and smiled up at Ryuu, “Merry Christmas!!” 

Tanaka reached out and took the gift carefully, but obviously was completely lost, “Um? Thanks??” 

Noya mellowed and with a sigh he pulled out a chair and sat down, after brushing the flour onto the floor. “Merry Christmas umm....2015 to be exact.” 

Tanaka sensed the shift in the mood and pulled out a chair too. “Noya?”

“Well, after...after we had that fight. I guess I didn't really expect it to be...forever. I don't know. I just, saw something I thought you'd like when I was Christmas shopping so it was only natural to get it for you.” 

Ryuu set the gift on the table and ran his fingers gingerly over the edges of it. “You...kept it?” He carefully folded a ripped piece of the paper back into place. “But Noya...” he looked up at Noya, “You haven't been back to Miyagi since you first came here...” 

Noya swallowed and tried to laugh, “Yeah well, I...was coming to see you, so....” He tried harder to laugh and it came out a little better this time, “Better late than never, yeah?” 

Ryuu looked at Noya with awe and wonder and confusion and...love. Noya's sure he saw it. But yeah, Ryuu should love him, right? That's what friends do. Ryuu asked, “Is it really okay to open this? It feels weird, if it's waited this long.” 

Noya smiled at that, “Of course, dumbass! It's your Christmas present, you're allowed to open it!” 

“Yeah...” Ryuu trailed off and looked at the package. Finally he turned it over and slipped his finger under the tape and began to carefully take off the wrap. 

Noya's heart swelled. This man. This gift is battered and the paper is worn and yet here he is, opening it like it's the most precious thing in the whole damned world. Noya had known for a long time that he was totally a goner. He was head-over-heels in love with his best friend and he'd accepted that would never change. But it was moments like this that made the feelings all the more poignant...and painful. 

Ryuu carefully opened the small box and in it he found a metal crow key-chain. Exactly like the one Nishinoya had, only this one was new, though ever so slightly beat up from being carted around for so long. “Noya....” 

Noya smiled, “They reminded me of Karasuno and the good times and volleyball and just all of it! I thought you'd like it too, so I bought it for you. I ended up going back the next day and getting one for myself. Sorry if...if it's weird to have matching ones.” 

“It's not weird,” Ryuu smiled. “Noya...thank you. I love y...it.” Ryuu pushed himself up out of his chair in a rush, his cheeks and neck flushed red. He went to where his coat was hanging by the door and pulled out his keys. He carefully slipped the key-chain onto it and carried them over and set them on the table next to Noya's. 

Noya looked at them, and let it sink in. “I guess they're finally together again.” He wondered if the fact that one was kind of beat up like it'd been through hell and the other was pretty unscathed meant anything. 

“Noya, seriously. This is really cool. Thanks.” Ryuu looked at the two crows and finally commented on what Noya'd been thinking, “Yours looks like it's been to hell and back, dude.” 

“Yeah, it does.” 

“Maybe we can find you a new one?” Ryuu scratched his head in thought. 

“Nah. I think this one suits me.” 

Ryuu considered and then agreed, “Yeah, I guess it kind of does.” He reached out and put his hand on Noya's shoulder and gently squeezed it. “But it's better now, yeah?” 

Noya nodded, “Yeah.” 

Because it was. 

Even if it hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah. That just happened. 
> 
> Also bonus points if you caught what Noya was doing with the stuff in the box. ;) Sentimental weirdo. I love them both, so much.


	18. Need

July 2018

Nishinoya sat at the kitchen table, head lazily resting on his palm, while his Gari-Gari Kun melted in his hand. The fan he had pointed at his face wasn't enough to really make the stuffy apartment in a stuffy city any better. It was the first time he actually found himself missing the hills and fields of Miyagi. Not enough to go back though, mind you. 

Ryuu kicked open the front door and Noya groaned. He was about to yell at Ryuu to close it, when a breeze filtered in and instead he said, “Nah, leave it open.” Ryuu tossed his grocery bags down on the table and then fished his buzzing phone out of his pocket. 

Noya lazily moved his eyes from Ryuu, down to the table where some of the bags started to spill out. He looked over the contents that fell onto the table in front of him. Shampoo, dish-soap, razors, condoms, toothpaste, wait, what? His eyes zeroed in on the box in front of him and then darted back up to Ryuu. 

Ryuu was looking at his phone and grinning while he typed out a text and laughed. Noya glanced back down at the box. Back up at Ryuu. “Oi!” he yelled, way harsher than he'd intended to. 

Ryuu finished a text and then put his phone away and focused on Noya, “What's up?” He pinched his sweaty tank top away from his skin and tried to air it out. 

Noya reached down and grabbed the condoms and tossed them at Ryuu. He took a deep breath and sorted his mind, a bit, so he didn't make a total ass of himself. “Anything you want to tell me? You know...your best friend??” 

A blush crept up Ryuu's neck and cheeks and ears but he denied that there was anything to tell. “Nah, just good to be prepared, yeah?” 

Noya's eyes narrowed and he crossed his arms over his chest, “Nobody but like a 16 year old buys condoms just to be prepared if they don't even have anything on the horizon...Who is it?” 

Ryuu grabbed one of the bags of groceries and started putting them away, “Seriously, there isn't anybody. Trust me, it's been so god damned long since I've been laid if there were somebody you'd fucking know about it.” 

“Soooo it's not the reason you're always looking at your phone and smiling when you text Futakuchi?” 

Ryuu dropped the bag and the canned goods just missed his foot, “The fuck, Noya? Futa and I are just friends.” He reached down and picked up the stuff he dropped. “Really, not like that at all.” 

Noya raised his eyebrow, “Yeah? Why don't I believe you? Come on, man! I thought we were friends!” 

Ryuu turned and focused on Noya. He casually leaned back against the counter, and rested his weight on his arms. He looked fantastic, muscles glistening with sweat from the hot day. He asked, as if it were the easiest thing in the world, “Then what about you?” 

Noya sputtered and his heat-addled brain didn't know how to take that, “Wha...what about me?”

Ryuu laughed, effortlessly, “You got some mystery man? Come on, you never leave this place except for work either. If I'm not getting laid, I can only assume you aren't gettin' any either. Who's keeping you from gettin' some?” 

Noya sank down into his chair, and debated if he could form a sentence coherent enough to counter this. “Just...work. N' Stuff. Busy, you know.”

Ryuu laughed again, “Sure. Me too. Just busy. Seriously, I don't know why I picked them up. Wishful thinking, I guess. But trust me, I don't have any prospects right now.” He ran his hand over his head and added, “and if I did you'd know anyway. I can't keep that shit from my best friend.” 

Noya's heart pounded in his chest. It was wonderful, and heartbreaking at the same time. Best friend. Ryuu wouldn't keep that from him. Best friend. Best...friend....

That night they decided to have curry. Because they are stupid, and hate themselves. The fan only managed to blow the hot air around as both Tanaka and Nishinoya worked in the kitchen getting dinner ready. They didn't usually both cook together, but somehow tonight they just fell into it.

Noya worked cutting up the onions, which he hated, and hated doing. But, for Ryuu, it wasn't so bad, really. He didn't even mind them in his food so much anymore, honestly. Ryuu was pretty good about not over-doing it and making sure the pieces were small so Noya didn't notice most of the time. Noya teared up and sniffled as he chopped the onions. Ryuu was measuring rice into the cooker and then suddenly Noya found Ryuu's hands on his hips. Ryuu carefully shifted Noya over and took the knife from him hands. “You go finish the rice, I've got this.” 

Noya's sides tingled where he'd been touched. The room was hot and air was stifling and Ryuu was sweaty and the way he had just effortlessly moved him aside and...yeah, right. Rice. Noya took over Ryuu's job and set the rice cooking. “Thanks, Ryuu.” 

Ryuu finished the onions and dumped them into the skillet with the beef and started browning it. Noya reached around him for the potatoes. He wasn't sure what compelled him to reach around Ryuu like that, but he did. His arm and torso brushed against Ryuu's back as he reached around. He could feel the dampness from Ryuu's tank top, and Noya shivered slightly. 

“You alright?” Ryuu asked over his shoulder. “Cold? We can turn off the fan if you...”

“I'm fine! Don't worry about it,” Noya said as he pulled himself back over to the cutting-board. He started peeling the potatoes and then moved onto the carrots. 

Ryuu stirred the beef and onions then quietly, out of nowhere, he said, “Hey...Noya-san....” 

Noya was caught off guard by the sudden use of 'san' “Hm? What, Ryuu?” He steadied his hand so he didn't accidentally cut himself. 

Ryuu glanced over at him, and then turned back to the meat, “There really isn't anybody, you know.” 

Noya swallowed, but his throat was dry, “Oh, okay.” He clumsily grabbed for a green pepper and then added, “Sorry I accused you and stuff. You..er...I don't really expect you to tell me everything.” 

Ryuu answered, “Yeah. I know.” 

They fell into a comfortable silence as Noya finished cutting up the vegetables. Finally, they both worked to put the cut veggies into the skillet. It really didn't take both of them, but they needlessly wove around each other, skin brushing against skin as they transferred everything to the pan. 

Noya added the water to the pan and then stepped back while he watched it work itself to a boil. He knew he didn't need to stand there like that, in the kitchen, with the added heat from the burner, but he couldn't' help it. 

Finally Ryuu put the cover on the pot and turned down the heat. “10 minutes,” he said, and Noya reached across Ryuu, again, too close, why so close? And grabbed the timer. He set it and then they both stood there, staring needlessly at the pan. 

Finally Noya offered, “Dude. You cook. You clean. You're employed. You're ripped. You're hilarious. How the fuck are you single?” 

Ryuu laughed. How did he always laugh those comments off with such ease? 

(Why is it so easy for you to never think of me like that, Ryuu?)

They waited in silence for the full 10 minutes. Just standing there, with nothing better to do on a warm summer night, when they were both so very, very single. 

The timer went off and Ryuu stopped it while Noya opened the packet of curry sauce and broke it into cubes. Ryuu pulled the pan off the heat and held it over carefully for Noya to put the curry cubes into. Ryuu stirred to melt them and then told Noya “like 5 more minutes, grab the plates.” He kept stirring the curry the whole time while it thickened. 

Noya couldn't quite reach the plates, so he never understood why Ryuu asked him to get them all the time. He stretched up and still wasn't going to make it happen. He let out a huff and settled down on his feet to go grab the damn step stool they kept in the kitchen. Before he could move though, Ryuu leaned far over top of him, and reached into the cupboard. Ryuu's whole front pressed into Noya as he pulled down the plates. 

When Ryuu finally slipped away and stood back, he handed the plates to Noya with an apology, but his grin didn't seem to fit it. “Sorry, man. My bad.” 

Noya's mind raced. So many small touches. So much contact. They'd never been afraid of physical contact but tonight, after their conversation earlier, and with the heat, it somehow felt different. Was? Was Noya imagining it all? 

They finally sat down to dinner and Noya's mind couldn't' make sense of it. Was he crazy? Should he...say something? Do...something? But, Tatsuo was coming tomorrow to stay for a week. He couldn't really just...risk everything right now. But....

Ryuu's eyes focused on Noya from across the table, “Noya?” 

“Hm?” 

“I said, 'what's your schedule tomorrow like?'” 

“Oh, sorry. Yeah. I'll be here when Tatsu-chan shows up.” 

“Okay, cool.” 

They fell into a comfortable silence, and Noya's mind worked over-time all the way into bedtime. 

Noya was restless. Normally he passed out right away, but it was hot and sticky and his mind wouldn't shut up. Finally he decided to go take a cold shower and hope it helped him sort his shit out. 

He quietly slipped out of his room and took a step towards the bathroom when he heard noise from Ryuu's room. Noya stopped and listened. 

Ryuu moaned. Noya quietly took another step towards the bathroom because he wasn't about to be that weirdo. Then he heard something that stopped him in his tracks. 

“Yuu, oh...Yuu...” 

It was muffled through the door. Maybe...he'd heard wrong? Surely, he'd heard wrong? Ryuu wouldn't....not while thinking of him? Did he know somebody else named Yuu? Maybe he'd said something else. Maybe he was freaky and thinking of himself? Maybe he said Ryuu??

Noya quietly shifted closer to Ryuu's bedroom door and listened. Ryuu moaned again, but not too loud, Noya would never have heard him from his own room. Noya carefully sat down and leaned back against Ryuu's bedroom door to listen. 

He knew it was too much to hope for. Ryuu hadn't really called out his name. He'd never do tha...”Yuu! Yeah...oh Yuu.” Noya's mind was so preoccupied he didn't even realize until it was too late that he'd reached down his shorts and pulled his dick out. He leaned his head back into the door and tried desperately to keep his lips sealed as his finger ran over the head and spread his pre-cum around. 

Ryuu moaned and Noya squirmed. Noya loosely tightened his fingers and pumped away until the friction became almost painful. Ryuu's words leaked through the door, “Yuu....” Noya worked up some saliva and then spit in his hand and then continued playing with himself. 

Noya kept his wits about him enough to know if he was going to make any noise it needed to be the faintest of whispers. “Ry..uuuuuu,” he carefully, quietly, hissed. Noya dug his ass into the floor as he arched his back and pressed his head harder against the door. 

Tanaka got a little louder and Noya could just make out the breathy panting between moans of “Yuu.” Noya held on just a little longer until he heard a strangled noise from the other side of the door and then he let himself go. He could only assume that as jizz shot all over his hand and the bottom of his t-shirt, Ryuu was doing the same just a few feet away through the door. 

Noya groggily looked down at the mess he'd made all over his hand and the t-shirt he'd stolen from Ryuu. He quietly groaned as he wiped his hand on the shirt. Then he heard the floor creak from behind the door, and Noya moved faster than he ever had when going after a volleyball. He practically dove down the hallway and away from Ryuu's bedroom door. 

Catching himself on his feet he stood up and managed to tuck the cum covered part of his shirt into his shorts just in time for Ryuu's bedroom door to open behind him. 

“Oh, hey Noya,” Ryuu said and then simply walked past him and into the bathroom like it totally wasn't weird to find your roommate awkwardly standing in the hallway at 2 in the morning. 

Noya watched Ryuu's back as he stepped into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. Ryuu was covered in sweat, and shirtless. He was only wearing a pair of red and white boxers and they clung to his ass. Noya closed his eyes and groaned. “Ugghhh. Fuck.” 

Noya finally stepped into his room and practically slammed the door behind him. He peeled off his shirt and then for the first time in a while remembered how damn hot it was. He slipped off his shorts and his boxers and threw himself onto the bed, naked. 

“I've got to fucking get laid,” Noya muttered as he sprawled naked on his bed. He thought for a moment and considered the options and then added, “By Ryuu.” Then he rolled over onto his stomach and felt the stifling air of the room wash across his backside. 

Well, on the bright side tomorrow was supposed to be a lot cooler.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, that's totally just the directions off a packet of S&B Golden Curry sauce mix. lol But I love Domestic TanaNoya so you got all the steps, deal with it. 
> 
> Also, finally moving towards that Explicit tag. Wooooo!!


	19. Never Good Enough?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't read "It was Always Yuu," you can read chapter 19 - "Truth" for Ryuu's side of this part of the story. This chapter is one of the few where their pov's converge on the same important moment. 
> 
> It will be perfectly understandable without reading that other fic/chapter, however. But if you want more context (including Noya's inappropriate behaviors at the dinner table) then you can read it here - 
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/12150849/chapters/27918609

July 2018

Noya threw himself on his bed and closed his eyes. “Fuck,” he muttered. He'd just fucking went for it over dinner, and Ryuu hadn't been into it. And what was worse was that Tatsuo was with them now for the week and he had taken to repeating Noya's words at the table. 

Tatsuo's parroting of 'I'd date you! I'd date you! Noya-ojisan would date Ryuu-ojisan!!' rang in Noya's head as he groaned at his own misfortune. 

Noya had stared intently at Ryuu. He'd told him a, admittedly generic, list of reasons why he was so dateable. He'd told Ryuu he'd date him in a heartbeat. He'd even made some pretty lewd noises and faces while eating Ryuu's cooking to try to entice him. Annnnd nothing. Ryuu just seemed upset and confused. And, “Fuck my life,” Noya offered to his dark bedroom. 

Noya's mind raced over all of it. Everything. How he met Ryuu. Their rocky start at friendship. The day he came out to Ryuu and Ryuu was totally not bothered by it and Noya knew then and there he was totally in love with him. 

The first Christmas Eve they spent together, where Noya had been welcomed into the Tanaka family with open arms. He'd always been 'part of the family.' And somehow it made it all the worse in the moments he realized he never, truly, would be. 

He still hated himself for the whole Asahi thing and how he'd handled it. How he'd, in so many ways, wasted years of his life and Asahi's. It was a major fuck up on his part and had never been fair to either of them. Noya didn't think about it most of the time, but in his low moments, like this one, he wondered if he was just destined to always fuck up every relationship. 

He even fucked up his friendship with Ryuu for a while, too. The one person he thought would always care about him and he'd fucked that up too. Noya scrunched up his nose to try to hold back the tears. It all fucking sucked. Still. Why the fuck did he always put himself in these situations? 

Noya rolled over on his stomach and buried his face into his pillow and let out a feeble scream. Then he tried to remind himself of all the good things he'd managed in life. He'd helped to coach Karasuno for a while. That was a good thing. He'd managed to work his way up from nothing to playing professional volleyball. And not only that – getting a spot on the National Team. A literal dream come true for him. So why did his life still feel so fucking awful sometimes?

Was he asking too much from life? Was this just what growing up was? You're not close to anybody anymore and everything sucks? No, that's not... “I'm close to Ryuu,” Noya mumbled. Finally he couldn't stop it. The tears washed over him and he sobbed over the fucking mess he kept making of his life. Was he so unlovable? Was he so undesirable? What was he doing wrong? Was it because he was short? Loud? Energetic? Moody? Was it because Ryuu liked pretty girls and tall guys? Did Noya just not register for him? But he'd been saying his name the other night. Hadn't he? Noya thought so hard it truly did make his head hurt. And his body ached from the crying and shaking. 

“Why does everything suck?” Noya asked the room, the walls, the gods, anything or anyone who would listen. Then the voice played back in his head, “It only sucks because you're making it suck.” Ukai's words from ages ago flooded over him. Noya whispered, “It only sucks because you're making it suck....” 

He took a deep breath and tried to think rationally. “It's not the end of the world. Ryuu and I can still be friends and roommates. He's just not into me. He's just not into me. He's just not into me....” Noya chanted into his pillow. “It only sucks because you're making it suck.” 

Noya peeled himself off his bed and sat up. He looked around the room in the dark at what he'd built here. His home. The place he actually felt comfortable. It was honestly everything he'd ever wanted...except he wasn't really _with_ Ryuu. He took another deep breath and walked over to turn the light on. 

He sized up his room. He'd arrived in it after a particularly low point in his life. And Ryuu'd welcomed him with open arms. Ryuu'd been there for him, since 1st year, every step of the way that Noya let him be. This was his home...but no...it wasn't. It wasn't this room. It was Ryuu. Ryuu...was his.... 

Noya sighed and walked over to his closet and pulled out the battered shoe box where he kept important things. He plopped down on the floor and opened the lid. He took out the items and considered them. The box itself was from the volleyball shoes Ryuu had bought him his 2nd day in Tokyo. There was a tag from a new swimsuit that Ryuu had given him the day he took Noya out and around Tokyo. He'd gone to the Tokyo metropolitan Gymnasium. He found the ticket stubs from the SkyTree. And the map from Shinjuku Gyoen. There were tickets for movies they'd gone to. Ticket stubs from when they'd seen some bands. Was he okay living like this, with this place as his home, with Ryuu as his friend?

Or did he need more? Did he need _Ryuu_ to be his home? Noya felt the tears come again. They weren't strong or violent this time, just something he couldn't control. He realized he really did want Ryuu to want him. He wanted a life with Ryuu. Not just this place they'd built together. But a real home. He wanted to be Ryuu's family. Maybe even adopt a kid or something ridiculous someday. He wanted _Ryuu_ and everything that came with him. But mostly, he just wanted to spend _all_ of his life with his best friend. The most important person to him. He wanted to be able to have all of him. 

Noya carefully packed back up the things and steeled himself for what he was about to do. It would probably ruin everything. He'd have to leave again. He'd find himself on the street, with nowhere to go, alone, with a single bag of belongings again. But well...he'd done that before and he survived. He could do it again, right? The prize was worth the risk. 

Noya stood up and swallowed. His throat was dry. He walked to his door and took a deep breath and then turned the nob. Slowly, and quietly, so he didn't wake up the sleeping kid in Ryuu's bedroom, he tip-toed to the living-room, where Ryuu was asleep on the sofa. 

Ryuu looked amazing. The room was slightly washed in the blue neon of a sign outside that filtered in through the blinds. Ryuu was asleep, and peaceful. Noya thought about not disturbing him and just letting everything continue on like it always had. Part of him didn't want to thrust this drama onto Ryuu. God, he was so beautiful laying there like that, asleep. 

Noya sighed and it caught in his breath. He got down on his knees in front of the sofa and carefully tugged on Ryuu's arm. Ryuu rolled away from him and mumbled, “It's Noya's turn, I'm asleep.” 

Noya forced himself forward. He whispered, “Ryuu, it's me.” 

Ryuu rolled back over and Noya's heart clenched as he saw him there, awake now. This was it. Oh god, this was it. Ryuu's voice was husky and dry as he asked, “Noya?” Ryuu's eyes searched the wall but Noya stayed focused on him. “It's...2 in the morning. What are you doing?” Ryuu reached up and scratched his head. Noya's heart melted a little more. 

This is it - “I need to tell you something.” It came out more pained than Noya had intended. 

Ryuu studied Noya and then sat up quickly. Oh no. Noya'd worried him. “What's wrong? What happened? Is Tatsuo okay?” 

Noya reached out and set his hand on top of Ryuu's to reassure him. “No, no. Everything's fine. I'm sorry. I...” Noya swallowed and then he couldn't stand to look at Ryuu anymore. He turned away and continued, “I shouldn't have woken you. I'm sorry. It can wait....” Noya tried to get up to leave, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He didn't want to worry Ryuu, but...walking away from this now was so hard. 

Ryuu cleared his throat, “Well, I'm awake now so...” Ryuu waited but finally continued, “Noya? What is it? What do you have to tell me?” Noya didn't respond. “Noya? Come on, you know you can tell me anything...” Noya felt Ryuu's hand settle on top of his own. Ryuu whispered, “Hey, I can't help you if I don't know what it is....” 

Noya thought about what he should say. What was the right way to begin this conversation that would most likely be the last one he'd ever have with his best friend? Finally he asked the question that bothered him the most, “Why am I not good enough?” 

Silence was the only answer Noya received and it only made things worse. As if pulled out of his own thoughts, finally Ryuu responded, “I don't understand, Noya. Who said you aren't good enough?” 

Noya's eyes started to water again over the whole fucking shitty situation. He turned back to look at Ryuu and his heart plunged down to his stomach, but he managed to try to explain. “He didn't say that exactly, but he's not interested. I...” Noya tried to swallow but it just caught in his throat. “I...he's single, and I know the fact that I'm a guy doesn't matter to him and I...Why am I never enough?” Noya fixed his eyes onto Ryuu's and searched for an answer. Finally he turned away again because it was too much. 

Ryuu sounded furious, “Wait, what? Who? Noya? Did somebody turn you down? Did somebody hurt you? Who was it? I'll kill them! What kind of fucking moron doesn't want yo...”

Noya's head snapped back. This was it. Out with it. He locked eyes with Ryuu and cut him off, “You.” 

Confusion colored Ryuu's voice, “Who?” 

Noya took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, so he felt it through his whole body. “You, Ryuu. It's you. What can I do to...”

“Noya, I don't understa....”

“Ryuu, please. Just listen. I...” Noya swallowed but it didn't help. He licked his lips before pushing on again, “I just need to tell you.... Look. I'm sorry, Ryuu. I'm so so sorry, you'll never know how sorry. I fucked up and it was mean and it wasn't fair to you or Asahi and I'm sorry. I just couldn't handle you and Tora and I needed to do something and I just didn't know what else to do and then it just happened and then you and Kiyoko and...and...” Noya found the words coming easier than he expected. Somehow the Tanaka's always knew how to set him to just rambling and getting it all out. There was a trust that even now, hadn't been broken. 

Ryuu burst in, “Noya! You...You've got it all wrong...” 

Noya needed to get this all out, before he decided to bail. He narrowed his eyes and it came out angrier than he intended, “No! Ryuu, Listen! Please!” Noya felt bad as Ryuu quickly shut his mouth. But he carried on, stressing each word, “I'm. Sorry. I stopped talking to you because I just...” Noya couldn't look at Ryuu while he said it, it hurt too much. “I couldn't keep talking to you. You...made so much sense that day, you know? On the phone. I knew that, but I couldn't admit it. I couldn't face any of it, so I just stayed there and shut you up.” Noya felt the tears getting the better of him again. God it sucked to remember how he'd fucked up. So. Many. Times. “I'm so sorry, Ryuu.” 

Noya sensed Ryuu trying to cut in, so he cut him off before he could, “I'm not finished. I cut you out and it was...it was the biggest mistake of my life,” Noya looked at the ceiling and closed his eyes to try to stop the tears. “Asahi was a huge mistake too, but cutting you out...I...I'm such an idiot. I needed you, Ryuu. And then when I finally couldn't handle it anymore I...I fucking came running to you.” Fuck. It was too much. Noya started to breath heavily and he couldn't catch is breath. 

“But Noya, I'm the one who...” Ryuu cut himself off when Noya turned to look at him. “Sorry.” Ryuu squeezed Noya's hand. Was that, encouragement? 

Noya tried to wrap his head around what else he just had to say before he left. “It was a shitty thing I did to you, Ryuu. Dropping you like that and then coming to you years later to look for a shoulder to cry on, but I just...I couldn't...” Noya couldn't get the words out and so he stopped to try to steady his breathing. Everything sucked, but it would be over soon, one way or another. 

Noya felt Ryuu's hand settle on his shoulder and it was both wonderful and awful. Noya's heart ached but he managed to focus on Ryuu's face again. Noya whispered, “Ryuu....” and it hung in the air. Noya knew he needed to just say it. Ryuu needed to know. Noya continued in a small but firm voice, “I love you, Ryuu.” And just like that he realized it was over. Noya started to stand to leave and go pack his things. 

Before he got any farther though he felt Ryuu's lips crashing into his own. Noya hadn't been ready for it. He hadn't expected it at all, but it was honestly the most wonderful thing he'd ever experienced. Ryuu sucked on Noya's bottom lip and Noya needed more. So much more. Noya moved in fast and a bit forceful, and it felt so right. If Ryuu started this then he wanted it, right? Noya's confidence soared and he kissed Ryuu with all the years of pent up frustration and passion. Noya climbed up and onto Ryuu's lap and put one leg on either of Ryuu so that they were just about eye level. Noya put one hand on each of Ryuu's cheeks and then raised himself up onto his knees. Ryuu looked up at him and Noya loved it. God, Ryuu looked so good. 

Noya pressed his tongue past Ryuu's and explored with all the energy and confidence that was befitting of him. Noya's eyes searched every part of Ryuu's face and took it all in. Noya wanted more, and he showed it on his face. Ryuu moaned and closed his eyes again as Noya brushed his fingers above the waistband of Ryuu's sweatpants. Oh god. Please let this happen, Noya pleaded with the universe. 

Ryuu pulled away and then Noya instantly stopped. Oh god. Fuck. He tried to jump off of Ryuu but Ryuu grabbed him by this sides and held him down. Ryuu pushed him down so he was sitting on his lap and Noya's mind freaked the fuck out. What did he do wrong? Oh god, did Ryuu not want him? But he could feel Ryuu's dick under him and it certainly felt like he wanted him, but why did he stop? Oh god....

Ryuu moaned, “Fuck...Noya...” Ryuu focused on Noya's face and then smiled, “Noya, we probably shouldn't....” 

“Oh my god, Ryuu. I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to make you do anything you didn't want to. Shit. I knew I should have...” Ryuu cut him off with a chaste kiss. 

“Noya, we're in the living room, and Tatsuo could wake up at any...” 

“Shit I completely forgot, Oh my god, Ryuu. I'm so sorry. I fucked up again.” Noya relaxed though and finally he laughed, “I'm sorry, Ryuu. “ Noya bit his lower lip and then looked at Ryuu as he asked, as he hoped, as he begged, “So you....mean you...do want to?” 

Ryuu laughed, but quickly quieted himself. He looked so cute, oh god. Noya started laughing too. What the hell had he been doing with his life? Ryuu....Ryuu wanted to? 

“Noya...” 

“Hey...ya know you can call me Yuu, right?” Noya bit his lip again and pleaded with Ryuu. 

“Yuu...” A stupid grin spread across Ryuu's face and he repeated again and again, “Yuu...Yuu...Yuu...” Noya giggled. Oh god, finally! He was finally being called Yuu. Ryuu continued, “Yuu, I think you should know...” 

“Huh?” 

It was better than Noya could have ever hoped for. Ryuu smiled, “It was always you, man. I...shit. Noya, Yuu,” Ryuu sighed and then finally, the words Noya longed to hear, “I love you.”

Noya couldn't help it. He was so overjoyed that he pushed in again to kiss Ryuu, but Ryuu backed away and offered a “But...” Noya crashed. Oh god, no... Ryuu continued, “What if I'm not enough?” Ryuu put his hand on Noya's cheek and his fingers trembled. 

Oh thank god. It wasn't anything worth worrying about. Noya tried to make sure Ryuu understood. He laughed and said, “Dude, I've seen you naked, and trust me, you're more than enough.” Noya couldn't contain the grin that covered his whole face. 

Noya shivered slightly as Ryuu's fingers traced the edges of his smile. Ryuu stared straight into Noya's eyes and said, “That's not what I....” 

“Of course I know that's not what you meant.” Noya reached up and took Ryuu's hands in his own and met Ryuu's eyes with his own fierce intensity. “Ryuu,” Noya swallowed and then made sure Ryuu really, truly, understood. It only sucked because Noya was making it suck. So he was going to make sure Ryuu understood and it didn't suck anymore. “I love you. Why in the world would you ever think you wouldn't be enough?” Noya sighed, “You're all I ever wanted. I'd be completely lost without you.” 

Ryuu's lips parted in surprise and he had to take a little gasp for breath. Oh god, it was adorable. Ryuu muttered, “Yeah...” and then questioned, “What if I mess this up?” 

Noya laughed because he'd wondered the same thing himself. He'd fully expected that he was basically walking to his death when he came out to tell Ryuu what he needed to say. Noya couldn't help but love Ryuu even more. God, he was perfect. Noya kissed him again and then pulled back and saw stars and he promised, “You can't. It will never happen. This is it, you're stuck with me now.”

Oh god, Ryuu. 

I'm finally home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooooooooo!! That just leave the dirty/fun stuff up next chapter. lol


	20. Never Regret

July 2018

Noya blinked himself awake, and finally realized the noise was coming from Ryuu's phone, that was buzzing from the floor. Noya moaned, “Ryuu, yer phone....” 

Ryuu reached out and slid his arms around Noya and pulled him up against his own naked body. “Dun wanna,” Ryuu mumbled into Noya's hair. 

Noya was awake now, he wasn't used to sleeping so late, but well, he'd been a bit preoccupied with his boyfriend last night. For the 3rd time. He was actually pretty proud that in between the last day they had to babysit Tatsuo, Noya'd managed to find the time to get Ryuu naked on 3 separate occasions. Shame he'd had to beg for it the first time. Noya sighed, and shimmied backwards closer into Ryuu's chest. 

Ryuu's phone just kept buzzing on the floor, and Noya tried to happily ignore it, just like Ryuu was. It was going pretty well until he heard Tatsuo's voice outside the door calling for Ojisan. There was a knock on the bedroom door and then Tatsuo's muffled voice said, “There's somebody at the door. Noya-ojisan, are you awake? I can't find Ryuu-ojisan.” 

Noya shot up off the bed and fumbled for Ryuu's phone. He saw the source of the incessant buzzing now, “Nee-san” was calling, and had been for...8 minutes now. “Shit! RYUU! Get up, Now!” Noya reached on the floor and grabbed his underwear and slid them on. Without thinking, he called over his shoulder to the door, “We'll be right there, Tatsu-chan!” 

Noya cursed, “Fuck, fuck, fuck. Ryuu! Now!” not bothering to listen to Tatsuo's confused response. 

Ryuu mumbled, half asleep, “Yeah, I'll fuck you now....” 

Noya leapt onto the bed and pulled the covers off Ryuu. “Nee-san's outside! They're here to pick up Tatsuo! They've been here at least 10 minutes.” Noya jumped back off the bed and in 1 swift movement scooped up Ryuu's pants off the floor and tossed them onto the bed at his face. He looked around, but not finding Ryuu's underwear easily, gave up and slid on his own pants in a hurry. 

Ryuu jumped up and haphazardly pulled his sweatpants on, not worrying about his lack of underwear. He practically fell out of the bed. Noya looked him up and down, as he pulled his own shirt over his head, and said, “Dude, you've gotta take care of that thing in your pants.” 

Ryuu looked down and sighed at the tent he had going on and cursed his lack of underwear. He caught his erection in the waistband of his pants and then pulled a ratty t-shirt over his head. He looked down and happy enough with his work he rushed to the door. 

“That's kind of hot, Ryuu,” Noya smirked as he bounded towards the door, a step behind his boyfriend. 

“Fuck off,” Ryuu threw out as he pulled open the door. 

Ryuu and Yuu both froze as they made eye contact with Tatsuo. Tatsuo just looked between the two of them and then nodded. “Okkasan's here.” With that he turned on his heel and headed into Ryuu's bedroom. He appeared a moment later dragging his bag behind him. 

Noya reached down and scooped up the bag, and Ryuu followed right behind and scooped up Tatsuo himself. They practically ran to the front door, where Nee-san was still banging loudly. Noya threw open the door and tried to act casual, “Yo!” 

“Yo, my ass! What the fuck? We've been out here for like 20 minutes. I was about to fucking break the window you asshole,” Saeko rattled off. 

“Slept in, sorry, Nee-san,” Noya laughed. 

Saeko raised her eyebrow, “You? Slept in? That's impossible.” She shook her head, “Ugh, whatever.” She took a deep breath and smiled as she reached out and took Tatsuo into her arms, “How's my big boy? Were you good?” Without looking up at them she asked Noya and Ryuu directly, “Was he good?” 

“Mostly, yup! He's a good kid,” Ryuu smiled and reached out and ruffled Tatsuo's hair. 

“When can I say with Ryuu-ojisan and Noya-ojisan again?” Tatsuo asked as he bounced in Saeko's arms. 

Ukai stepped forward finally from where he had been leaning back against the railing of the landing, smoking a cigarette. “Maybe in a few months, if it's okay with them?” He glanced at them and searched their faces. He grinned, but didn't let on how obvious it was. 

Noya didn't realize how close he and Ryuu were standing either. He felt Ryuu casually rest his hand on his shoulder, but didn't think much of that either. “Fine with us!” Noya cheered. 

Saeko narrowed her eyes at them but shrugged it off. “Cool. Well, we have to hit the road, there's a bus full of exhausted high schoolers waiting at the curb right now. Thanks guys. We owe ya one,” she said as she turned to leave. She let Tatsuo down so he could take the stairs on his own, while holding her hand. 

Noya and Ryuu waved goodbye but then froze when they heard Tatsuo proclaim that, “I decided I don't need an Obasan! I've got 2 Ojisan instead!” 

Saeko stopped dead and spun on her heel. Noya felt his cheeks flush red, and assumed Ryuu's were too. Saeko handed Tatsuo off to Ukai and as she cornered them a grin crept across her face. Finally she laughed, “I thought something was different! FUCKING FINALLY!!” and without any explanation, she headed down the stairs. 

Ukai hung back and offered, “She's been saying for a long time now that you guys should just fuck and get it over with.” 

Tatsuo parroted, “Fuck! Fuck!” 

Ukai smiled and gave them his approval. “You guys are good for each other. I'd welcome you to the family, Noya, but I don't really think I need to. I'm pretty sure the Tanaka's welcomed you in long before me. Take care, let's go out for beers next time I'm in town. I should really give Noya the 'if you ever hurt my little brother talk.' Look forward to it.” With that he disappeared down the stairs too. 

Tatsuo's chiming of “Fuck! Fuck!” grew fainter the farther away they got. 

Noya's mouth dropped open as he stared at nothing in particular. “They...they knew? How did they know? And...did Ukai just threaten me? Dude....” 

Ryuu scratched his head and said, “I think he did. Ukai's scary man. I'm glad I've got him on my side. I think if I were in your place I'd just dump you right now and save myself the potential dismemberment.” 

Noya spat out, “Fuck you, asshole.” 

“Yes, please,” Ryuu laughed. 

Noya snapped out of it and looked up at Ryuu. His boyfriend. My god, they were alone finally. Holy shit. HOLY SHIT. Noya grinned, “Fucking finally!!” 

They practically fell over each other to get back into the apartment. Ryuu slammed the door behind him and Noya just stood there, looking up at him. Noya smirked as he locked eyes with Ryuu and carefully stepped towards him. Without breaking eye contact Noya slid his hand up Ryuu's shirt, and then his fingers carefully down into Ryuu's pants. 

Ryuu tensed as Noya's fingers grazed against his cock. Noya licked his lips as he ran his fingers teasingly around. “Hey, Ryuu....” 

“Hun?” Ryuu half mumbled half groaned. 

“Fuck me,” Noya simply stated. So far it had only been the other way around, and while that was great, right now, Noya really needed Ryuu inside of him. 

Ryuu came out of his stupor, “Yeah?” he grinned as he searched Noya's face for verification. 

Noya nodded and before he could do anything else Ryuu had switched places with him and pinned him against the front door. 

Ryuu lifted Noya up and latched his arms under Noya's legs. Noya pressed his back against the door for support and then plunged ahead, crashing his lips against Ryuu's. 

Ryuu didn't resist anything, and Noya ran his tongue over top of Ryuu's. It was wet and messy and both longed for more. 

Sweat began to stick Noya's back to the door, through his shirt, but he didn't care. He moved his tongue from Ryuu's mouth and licked across Ryuu's lips. Then he latched onto Ryuu's earlobe gently with his teeth. 

Ryuu moaned and readjusted Noya's weight. Bracing Noya's weight against the door, Ryuu greedily reached up and tugged Noya's track pants and underwear off in one forceful tug. They caught around Noya's knees and Ryuu didn't bother with them again. 

Noya moved his tongue back to Ryuu's mouth and kissed him deeply. Ryuu busied himself with Noya's cock. Noya shuddered against him, as Ryuu's fingers teased their way around. Ryuu stroked Noya carefully, rubbing the pre-cum around. Finally Ryuu pulled back and locked eyes with Noya. “I wanna blow you...” his eyes searched for the okay. It was new for them, and Ryuu wanted to know that Noya was okay with everything, every step of the way. 

Noya playfully nipped at Ryuu's nose and then laughed, “Well, I could never deny you something you _want_ , Ryuu....” 

That was good enough for him, and so Ryuu wrapped his arms under Noya's legs again and carried him over to the couch. Ryuu gently threw Noya down and then climbed up on the couch and sat between Noya's legs. He finally pulled off Noya's pants the rest of the way and threw them onto the floor in a rush. 

Noya's eyes gleamed wide as he watched Ryuu's movements turned slower and more careful. Ryuu pressed his lips first to Noya's right ankle and then slowly and teasingly he made his way up the short span from ankle to thigh. 

Noya's breath hitched as Ryuu kissed his inner thigh, dangerously close to his erection. Ryuu pulled back a bit and considered his task. Noya was pulled out of his stupor and offered, “Ryuu, you don't have to...”

Ryuu just smiled and leaned far over Noya to reach his lips and gave him a chaste kiss. Ryuu sat up again and admitted, “I want to, I just...don't really know what I'm doing. I don't wanna fuck it up.” 

Noya threw his head back and laughed, joyfully. “Ryuu, it's fine. You'll be fine, and even if you aren't I don't give a fuck. Just....” Noya focused his eyes on his boyfriend and said, “I love you.” 

Ryuu stared at him and Noya couldn't help but feel like it was the look of a man who wondered how he got so lucky. At least that's what Noya hoped. Ryuu finally grinned and yelled “YOSHI!” He squared his shoulders and sat up very straight, hands resting on his own thighs. Gravely he said, “Nishinoya-senpai...teach me.” 

Noya's mouth dropped open and he didn't know if that was kind of hot, or if it was the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard but he couldn't help it when he felt a tug at his heart as he looked up at Ryuu. He licked his lips carefully and whispered, “Ryuu, you are fucking ridiculous....” He repositioned himself on the couch so that his head was leaning on the armrest so he could see Ryuu better to instruct him if necessary. “Alright, Ryuu...just...uh...I mean do what you would like me to do to you and we'll go from there.” 

Noya's throat went dry and he swallowed several times in anticipation. He felt his vision fog a bit as he watched Ryuu. He carefully leaned forward and tugged up Noya's shirt. Noya moved to let Ryuu free the shirt from him and couldn't help but shiver as Ryuu began peppering kisses all over his chest and down his abdomen. While his lips moved farther and farther down, his fingers that gently grazed Noya's inner thighs moved farther and farther up. Soon they would meet in the middle and Noya closed his eyes and waited. 

“Ry...Ryuuuuu...” finally Ryuu's lips had reached their goal and Noya instinctively bucked his hips as Ryuu's tongue ran slowly up the length of his dick. Ryuu's tongue circled the head as his fingers cupped around Noya's balls and gently massaged them. Noya let out a choked laugh, “Teach you, e...eh?” 

Ryuu moaned an affirmation around Noya's cock and Noya squirmed beneath him. “Holy fuck, Ryuu....” Ryuu moaned again and Noya forced out between his own moans and laughter, “So...th...this is what you waAA want?” Ryuu again moaned. 

Noya reached his hand up and his instinct was to find something to hold onto, but he could only laugh at his own stupidity as he found his boyfriends hair too short to pull. Instead he ran his fingers over the short bristles and then reached down Tanaka's back and dug his fingers into his shirt. 

Ryuu pulled away for a second and left Noya needing more. He spit in his hand and then went right back to it, lips wrapped around Noya. Ryuu's saliva covered fingers gently felt around and slowly, one at a time, found their way into his ass. 

Noya had to take a second to relax and make things easier on Ryuu. Noya could tell he was getting close, as Tanaka's fingers brushed against his prostate while his tongue ran up his dick like he was enjoying a popsicle.

His fingers twisted and tightened into Ryuu's shirt as his hips lurched up. Noya moaned as Ryuu's tongue finally became too much and he lost himself in his boyfriends mouth. Noya's mind went blank as he clawed at Ryuu's shirt back desperately searching for something to ground him. 

In his haze Noya could hardly process what was happening, but suddenly he felt warm fingers entwining with his own. His eyes fluttered open and he found that Ryuu had taken hold of his hands, while his mouth was still wrapped around his cock. Ryuu's eyes were locked on Noya's and finally, now that Noya was finished, he swallowed. 

Noya squirmed under him, but Ryuu just held his hands tight as he slowly pulled away, leaving a string of saliva and cum. Finally as Ryuu settled onto his knees, sitting between Noya's legs, he took one of his hands back and ran the back across his mouth and asked, “Okay?” 

Noya couldn't help but laugh. And laugh. And laugh. By the time he finally managed to stop laughing, he noticed Ryuu was blushing deeply to the point he may have hurt his feelings. Noya smiled wide and as his eyes caught the sunlight from the window he sprang forward onto Ryuu, arms open, catching him in a hug. 

Ryuu snapped out of his embarrassment quick enough to catch Noya, and they fell backwards in each others arms, with Noya on top. Noya quickly went to work sprinkling kisses all over Ryuu. He pressed his lips to Ryuu's forehead, and his nose, his ear, his cheek, and finally found his lips and wouldn't let go. 

“Ryuu,” Noya whispered between kisses, “you are amazing.” He felt Tanaka go warm under him and finally pulled back to find that unbelievably, Ryuu's blush had gotten even worse. It was adorable and Noya couldn't help but make sure he knew it. “My god, Ryuu, you're adorable, what the fuck?” 

“Shut up!” Ryuu finally choked out. Then he quietly asked again, the question that was clearly bothering him, “But so...it was okay?” 

Noya started to laugh again, but caught Ryuu's hurt look and stopped. “Oh my god, you moron. What do I even...fuck this is embarrassing,” Noya took a deep breath and sat up, looking down at Ryuu. He watched Ryuu's face and drank in everything about it. The lines by his eyes, the creases in his forehead, the hardly visible mole on the side of his nose. Noya carefully ran his fingers over Ryuu's cheek and then realized just how rough his hands must be from his job. “Sorry,” he apologized and pulled back, but Ryuu just pulled his hand back and carefully kissed each finger. 

“Ryuu...I love you. That was...” Noya sighed, “Are you really going to make me say it?” Ryuu nodded. “Fine. That was honestly the best blow job I've ever had, and I mean...you were great, but I think part of it was just that...god, Ryuu. It's you, okay? It's finally you.” Noya felt his eyes start to water and in a ploy to not cry over how fucking wonderful it was to finally be with his best friend he instead blurted out, “Now fuck me already!” and dove back down to kiss his boyfriend. 

Ryuu grinned and ducked out from under Noya, stood up, and grabbed Noya in his arms in one swift motion. Ryuu carried Noya back to his room and then practically threw him down on the bed. Ryuu quickly kicked off his sweatpants, but left his shirt on, to Noya's annoyance. Without wasting time Ryuu climbed into bed, grabbed the lube from the nightstand and dripped it over his fingers carefully before he went to work stretching Noya out. “Yuu...” Ryuu watched Noya's face as he slowly moved his fingers around, the whole time making sure Noya was comfortable. 

Noya was well experienced with this and so it didn't take much for him to be more than ready, and he didn't like to compare lovers, but truth be told, bigger isn't always better, and he knew that Ryuu was exactly what he needed for the most pleasure without pain. “Ryuu, I want you...” he whispered, his throat suddenly dry at the prospect. For all the fun they'd crammed into the past day, making up for lost time, he still hadn't had Ryuu inside him and he craved that closeness. As much as he loved being on top and initiating everything, he knew how Ryuu had always been around him, and so often Ryuu had defaulted to Noya in everything in life from all the way back in high school. So Ryuu taking charge here and now made Noya melt. 

Ryuu took a moment and carefully assessed his situation. He was just following instinct, but he was still new to this kind of sex. In truth, totally new to it because his ex-girlfriend had not been into the idea of anal. Ryuu finally decided to carefully put Noya's legs against his shoulders and go for a position that would allow them to see each others faces. Ryuu moved slowly, as he guided himself into position and then stopped, tip resting against Noya's asshole. Ryuu breathlessly whispered, “Yuu...” 

Noya just smiled at how sweet and caring this man before him was. Ryuu had always been a great guy, more caring and gentle than anybody ever guessed when they first met him, and Noya loved to know that this extended to all areas of Ryuu's life. Noya also knew Ryuu long enough to know that in the future, as Ryuu was more confident, things would be able to get fierce too if he wanted. God, is this what it's like to finally have everything? “Ryuu...it's fine,” he offered with a wide smile. 

That was all Tanaka needed to hear. He pushed his way in and Noya reveled in watching Ryuu's eyes practically roll back in his head as he did. Since Noya had already gotten his, instead of falling to Ryuu's every touch he used the fact that his mind was clear to instead watch his lover and remember every detail of him. Noya just smiled as he watched all of the faces Ryuu made as he fucked. 

Noya toyed with him, watching for the perfect moment to tighten around him. Ryuu moaned and it threw his rhythm off every time Noya did that, but Noya could tell it was a good thing. Ryuu found his pace again, and opened his eyes, Noya just grinned up at him. 

“Yuuuuuuu,” Tanaka moaned as his pace quickened and he carefully moved Noya's legs down on either side of him, off his shoulders. Noya took the opening and reached up and tugged Ryuu's shirt off and threw it aside. Tanaka leaned down and used his new angle to press his lips against Noya's smile. Ryuu ran his tongue over Noya's lips and finally pressed his way inside into a deep kiss that Noya hadn't expected. 

“Mmmnnn, Ryuu,” Noya moaned and felt himself falling into the sensations like he hadn't expected to. Noya had a pretty quick turn around time if he wanted to go again, but he hadn't considered that their room moving and prep for Ryuu had killed enough time, but it had. Noya felt himself go hard as Ryuu's new angle rubbed against his dick while they kissed. 

Ryuu noticed too and carefully pulled away from their kiss and then grinned down at Noya. “Player 2 has entered the game?” 

Noya laughed and smacked at Ryuu's head for what a loser he was. “Dumbass,” Noya laughed and then quickly moaned as Ryuu started rubbing his cock, while he continued to fuck him. It wasn't instant, but finally Noya felt himself succumbing to all the stimulation from Ryuu. He was surprised Ryuu was still holding on, but grateful. “Ryuu, I...” 

He didn't need to finish his sentence, Ryuu was such a conscious lover, he already knew that Noya was close. In just a few sessions he was already able to read Noya like a book, and Noya loved it. Ryuu quickened his pace and moaned Noya's name, his favorite word during sex, “Yuu....oh fuck...Yuu....” 

Ryuu lost it first and came in Noya, which finally caused Noya to cum again too. As they slowly let their rhythm fall apart, Ryuu practically collapsed on top of Noya. It only took him a few seconds before he was kissing Noya's neck and gently sucking to leave a mark. Noya laughed as he became conscious of their sweaty, sticky skin, stuck together, and the fact that Ryuu's dick was softening and had fallen out of his ass, leaving a mess between their legs. 

“Dude, we're fucking gross,” Noya finally offered, as Ryuu worked on his 3rd hickey, prominently marking Noya as his own. 

Ryuu finally stopped and rolled over off of Noya to assess their situation. There was Noya's dried cum all over both of their stomachs, and Ryuu's on the bed underneath Noya, as well as all over Noya's ass. Noya wasn't sure how bad it was, but he knew he wouldn't be willing to put Ryuu's dick in his mouth at the moment, so they should probably clean that up too. Noya couldn't see himself, but he knew his hair was a sweaty mess, plastered to his forehead and the pillow. Ryuu offered finally, “Shower?” 

“Yuuuuup!” Noya jumped up and ran to the bathroom. He started filling the tub and then without waiting for Ryuu he grabbed the bar of soap and started scrubbing at the jizz on his stomach. Ryuu stepped into the bathroom after him and Noya paused to look at him as the water from the shower dripped down both of them. “This is new. Last time we showered together I'm pretty sure I was desperately trying to not look at you too much and give myself away.” 

Ryuu pulled over the stool and sat down in front of Noya and took the soap from his hand. “And I was definitely failing and looked at you way too much. Guess I got lucky and since you were too busy trying not to look at me you didn't notice.” Ryuu rubbed the soap between his hands and then gently ran them over Noya's torso, groin and thighs, massaging as he went. He paused and looked up at Noya and realized, “Maybe that was unlucky....” 

Noya hummed in thought as he reached over and poured shampoo on his own hands and then rubbed it onto Ryuu's short hair, and then into his own. After thoroughly washing his own hair, he went back to massaging Ryuu's scalp, while Ryuu was still cleaning Noya's body for him. “Maybe. But I think...I mean we were both stupid, yeah. But I'm trying not to think about the lost time. We probably would have just fucked it up if we'd noticed earlier?” 

Ryuu stood up and then carefully washed Noya's back as he considered. “I don't know, I've loved you forever, man. I think...I mean the only real relationship I had I fucked up because I was in love with you. So I mean....” 

Noya paused while rubbing conditioner through his hair, “Wait, what?” 

“Oh...uh...yeah.” 

“No you don't get to just 'oh, uh, yeah,' this. Explain,” Noya didn't particularly want to talk about their past relationships, but it was better to know and just face it all as a life experience. And if he was the cause of Ryuu's broken engagement he really wanted to know. Not that it did any good. “Here, sit down,” Noya motioned. 

Ryuu sat down on the stool and then Noya proceeded to wash Ryuu's back for him while he explained, “Not much to say really. I mean, I did love her, you know. But it was just never...” Ryuu sighed. “It was just never _it_ you know? I mean I was prepared to try to make it be it, but I just couldn't forget you. I tried, fuck, I tried. I think I convinced both of us for a while that I had, but...fuck this is embarrassing.” 

Noya moved in front of Ryuu and washed his chest and said, “I'm sorry, you don't have to if you don't wanna, don't worry about it.” 

“No, it's...fine. Just...alright,” Ryuu took a deep breath, “She was gone to work and I was alone so I was jerkin' it and well, I was thinking of...you...and I said some stuff...but turns out she had come back to pick up her lunch and then that was just...it. It was over. I think the worst part was that she told me she had known I'd had a thing for you, even when we had gotten together, but she thought I'd moved on. I felt like shit, man.” 

Noya was both flattered, and pained for Ryuu. “I'm sorry....” was his gut reaction, because above all, Ryuu was his near life-long friend and he hated that Ryuu had to go through that pain. 

Ryuu just smiled faintly and said, “Nah, it's fine. I mean...look where I am now....” he reached out and pulled Noya into his arms and buried his face in Noya's neck. “Worth it.” 

Noya's heart was on fire, so he said the most logical thing, “Dude, you're so fucking sappy.” He peeled himself out of Ryuu's arms and said, pointing at the tub, “Come on!” Noya climbed into the large, deep tub and sat leaving enough room for Ryuu to climb in behind him. 

Ryuu joined him and they sat down, Noya between Ryuu's legs, leaning back against his chest. “We fucked up a lot of stuff, didn't we?” Ryuu asked as they both relaxed into the warm water. 

Noya hummed in agreement again. “I think I fucked up more than you did, though.” 

Ryuu considered and then, honest friend that he was, agreed. “Yeah, but you tried. I think that's what really matters. And you had a tougher time than I did, I think. You were trying to fight for your dreams and shit and have a relationship too and it just wasn't working for you. That shits rough. I...actually probably got lucky that I got caught and Kiyoko left me. I mean it sucked at the time, but it made me get my life together and figure out what I wanted.” Ryuu ran his fingers gently through Noya's wet hair and then paused, “Fuck, sorry man. I didn't mean....” 

“It's fine, Ryuu. I know. I fucked up and hurt myself and Asahi-san and you and everybody, really. But whatever, it's over now and I'm happy so I'm not going to dwell on it anymore. Heaven knows I dwelled on it enough at the time, so fuck it.” Noya leaned his head into Ryuu's hand and enjoyed having his hair played with. “You know though...there's another thing you fucked up that still kind of pisses me off.” 

Ryuu's hand stopped and his body tensed, “Huh?” 

Noya carefully moved around so that he was facing Ryuu in the tub, knees pulled to his chin and explained, “Why did you turn me down that night? If you were into me for so long, why the fuck did you turn me down after I finally go up the courage to go for it?” 

Ryuu's eyes went big and he was silent for a while. Finally he said, “Because you were drunk. And I...I couldn't, man. I wanted to but I couldn't have it not be real. Have you wake up in the morning and regret it. I...god, Noya...Yuu...I couldn't have you regret...me....” Ryuu rubbed his hand over his head and then he finally scratched his scalp in distress. 

Noya's mouth fell open. “I...I...” he collected his thoughts and then said, “Ryuu, I wasn't that drunk. I knew what I was doing. I...I never would have regretted you, Ryuu.” 

Ryuu looked into Noya's eyes and softened. Finally he said, “Promise?” 

Noya's eyes sparkled and he smiled. He launched himself forward into Ryuu's arms, splashing water over the edge of the tub and promised, “I'll never regret you, Ryuu!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fucking finally, indeed. I took some time off, and actually also had a vacation to Japan and I came back realizing I needed to finish this, once and for all so I can write another story I was inspired to (by my Japan trip) and not feel guilty for not having finished this! But I have to say, I'm glad to finally have these two together and happy. Thanks for reading! And please, if you've come this far, don't skip the epilogue, it's so sweet, if I do say so myself!!


	21. Epilogue: Always, Yuu

July 2019

Noya found himself standing in front of a pretty fancy jewelry shop, on his way home from practice. He and Ryuu had been dating for about 11 months, and Noya didn't want to fuck up their first anniversary. Ryuu deserved the best, and everything that Noya could afford to give him. 

They were pretty well off now, truth be told. Nishinoya had just recently signed an advertising contract with Asics, and his first paycheck was, well, way more than he even knew what to do with. They were still living above the garage for a steal, and they were happy there. There were no cars or any other extravagances to account for. They were just happy to be together. It was nice, but when Noya saw the number of zeros on that check, he couldn't help but smile, imagining all the things it meant he could do for Ryuu. 

Ryuu'd supported him for long enough, to be honest. It made Noya proud to finally be the big earner of the family. Family...Noya's eyes settled on a nice matching set of white gold wedding bands in the window of the shop. He considered. Was it too soon? He knew it wasn't, not really. He'd known since forever that he wanted to spend as much of his life as possible with Ryuu. He glanced at the price, that was nothing considering his new-earned wealth. 

Hmmmm. Noya spent the rest of that week considering if that was enough of a grand gesture. In the end it was a casual conversation over dinner that made him realize he should do something else instead. Something even better. Ryuu didn't need a ring to know Noya loved him anyway. 

“Boss keeps talking about retiring and selling the garage. I hope the new owner doesn't kick us out,” Ryuu had offered as he shoveled rice into his mouth. 

“Oh?” Noya perked up at the idea that started for form in his head. “He's retiring?” 

Ryuu munched on his rice and swallowed and then answered, “Thinking about it. I don't think he's got the money to though. I think it's just a dream he's got.” 

“I see....” Noya decided then and there, this was it. It was the only option. The best thing he could give to Ryuu. 

The check was cut and the paperwork was signed 2 and a half weeks later, just in time. Noya decided to let the paper speak for itself. They would have a simple meal and a quiet evening together. He hadn't expected anything in return, but Ryuu did do something a little unconventional for Noya. 

When Noya had arrived home after a hard days practice, he had found a frame on the wall in the living room that hadn't been there before. It was Noya's, or Ryuu's, he wasn't really sure which, Karasuno team jacket, from high school. The school name and “volleyball club” kanji prominently filling the frame. Noya examined it closely. It was very well framed, must have cost Ryuu a fair bit of money. 

As Noya looked at it, Ryuu stepped up behind him and wrapped his strong arms around him. “It's yours. I hope you don't mind, I...had Ukai go through the boxes you, erm, left in Torono when you moved here.” 

Noya tensed. All the crap he'd abandoned back in Miyagi when he'd up and left. Of course, it couldn't be his jacket from Coaching, which he brought with him, because that didn't have the school name on the back. “Oh....but....why?” was all he could muster. 

Ryuu laughed and squeezed him tight. “Because, moron, it's who we are. I mean, it's where we met. I guess maybe it's dumb, but it was the most romantic thing I could think of. You know, it's...where we come from. Both of us. All that time together. Dude, we won Nationals together! I know you've moved onto bigger, better stuff, but for me, that's still the pinnacle.” He spun Noya around and kissed him. “Happy anniversary, Yuu.” 

Noya'd blushed, and teared up a bit too. He didn't think about it often, he had a lot of other big goals he'd surpassed since, but it's true, for Ryuu's volleyball career, that was it. And Noya'd been right behind him on the court, guarding the back of His Ace. “Thanks, Ryuu. I love it.” 

Noya wondered if his gift wasn't sentimental enough, in light of Ryuu's, but it was too late to change it. The sat down to dinner finally and ate quietly. Noya decided it was now or never. He quietly stood up, slid the papers on the table in front of Ryuu and kissed him. A simple “I love you,” was all he offered. For once, he decided to let the moment speak for itself. 

He settled back into his chair as Ryuu unfolded the papers, confusion distorting his face. He waited as Ryuu read through them. As Ryuu's face turned from confusion, to shock, to pure joy. “Oh my god, Yuu...Yuu....are you serious?” 

Noya laughed and nodded, “Yeah. It's all legal and official. It's yours, Ryuu.” 

Ryuu jumped out of his chair and lifted Noya up out of his own. He kissed him with as much passion as he had a year ago, and Noya knew he was loved. “Yuu, you are fucking...amazing. Oh my god. What the fuck? How did you?”

“I've got a contract to advertise for Asics. The...pay was great, and I had some savings too....”

Ryuu's face paled, “Wait...Yuu...you mean....outright? It's...I don't even have to make payments? Or anything?” 

Noya nodded, and bit his lip, “All yours.” 

Ryuu cried, and Noya held him as he did. “I don't deserve you, I can't pay you back, Yuu,” Ryuu had sobbed. 

“You don't have to, you moron. It's a gift. Because I love you, you asshole. Just accept it,” Noya said as he clung to his boyfriend. Finally he added, “Actually....”

Ryuu perked up, “Anything!” 

Noya grinned at him and offered the deal, “Love me, Ryuu. Just, love me, and we'll call it even.” 

Ryuu kissed him again and answered, “Done. Always, Yuu. Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY!!! I'm so glad to finally have this finished. Thank you all so much you've read this far and stuck with me to the end!! I appreciated all of the kudos and comments so much!! 
> 
> It's true, I do have a final, third part as the ultimate epilogue of sorts planned for this same universe, but I don't know when I'll get around to it, so for now, this is the happiest ending I can give these wonderful boys. 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3
> 
> P.S. Yes I achieved the double Title Drop in the ending...don't judge me. I'm stupidly proud of that, alright??!! That took some serious planning, okay?!!


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